A
female
age
36-40,
*unshine8508
writes:So how do you know or ask a guy if this relationship is going somewhere and that I am not just a botty call? He says he worries about me and when we fight that he misses me a lot, and gets worried if anything happened to me. I want to know if this relationship is going to have potential to go some where like maybe one day living together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2011): I'm very quickly starting to lose my faith in my countrywomen's ability to communicate. Refer to my answer in this question to see what I mean: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-stop-this-guys-invasive-presence.html
Ever heard of "the talk"? Just have the talk. If you want to know what we guys are thinking or where we think a relationship is or is going then all you have to do is ask.
You're question is too vague to give specifics OP. We don't know how long you've been together so it's hard to advise you on it. If it's only a matter of months then talking about the long distance future like living together and stuff is not too good an idea. Firs things first, are you even officially a couple? Are you still just seeing him or is he your boyfriend? Because the talk then would go along the lines of "Where are we going with this? I really like you and I think it's time we made it official". If he is your boyfriend and you're together a while now, then the talk will be something like this "*insert pet name here* where we going with this? I love you and see myself being with you for a long time, how do you feel and what do you see for us in the future?"
Not hard is it? Just have the talk.
A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (30 December 2011):
 Well, let's think about this: does he call or text you to go out on dates - out for dinner or lunch at a nice restaurant once in a while, sometimes he pays, other times you split the bill between you - and sometimes you just go to a local eatery, nothing fancy 'cos restaurants are nice, but tend to be expensive!
Does he suggest getting together with mutual friends to go bowling, dancing, or hiking (if you're fond of country walks); go to some sort of concert? Sometimes spending an evening at a local pub (but not if one or both or you get sloshed out of your mind).
How long have you known him? Does he or has he ever, mentioned wanting to see if the potential exists for a long-term relationship? Does he ask what your thoughts are about your friendship?
Have you met his parents and/or other family members?
All the above are things a man who is genuinely interested in building a relationship would do/ask. (Not that it always works out and leads to getting married, though - even with the best will in the world on both your parts and a real wish and effort to make it work, sometimes, unfortunately, it turns out that two people just are not compatible.
For example: What this means is that their personalities may be completely different - i.e., "she" might have a terrible temper and fly off the handle at the slightest provocation, and he rarely loses his cool, and prefers peace and quiet. "He" might get angry only when something happens that REALLY gets his goat - someone being cruel to a child or animal, or some sort of injustice he has heard about.
Then again, two people's aims and goals could be completely different. Maybe "he" wants children, and "she" doesn't (or vice versa). Or perhaps he has a job that is real high-power; works long hours and often has to travel, whereas his partner has a good job, but without the kind of pressure he has. Sometimes, with work and compromise and a huge dollop of understanding and patience, these differences can be overcome, and you each accept the other person for who and what he/she is.
Sometimes. Not always. And anyway, a good, solid, happy long-term relationship or marriage takes time and effort.
ON THE NEGATIVE SIDE (Sorry!!): Does he mainly call you late at night to ask you to go over to his place, or he come to your home? Does much of his conversation revolve around sex and not much else? If so, then you can have a pretty good idea that he does indeed regard you as a booty call; someome he keeps on hand and keeps sweet to be available whenever the urge strikes him.
I do hope this lengthy response will be useful in sorting out what kind of man you're dealing with here.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (30 December 2011):
Easy to tell if you're just his booty call. Tell him "I don't want to just be a booty call. Take me on a date".
Or next time he calls to hang out say "yes sure let's do something but im not having sex tonight ". And stick to it.
If he wants something more , he'll still want to hang out with you.
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