A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 19, and although we're dating long distance and really like each other, what if it's too much for me to handle?He is my first boyfriend (sure I've had a few summer hookups and whatnot, but still) and he knows that. I also know that he's been in multiple relationships and quite frankly gets out more. Compared to him I feel like an innocent kid who stays home all the time. I know he doesn't think that of me and that I act older than my age, but really he has so much more experience than I do. There is a big difference between a junior in high school in the suburbs-where-nothing-happens, and a sophomore in college who has been to bars and really has just seen more.Which brings me to a second point. I don't know if he's still a virgin or not. At some point, when I see him in person again, I'll ask him somehow just to know, but at the same time I almost don't want to know the answer. I do know that he likes to party (but in a safe way, if you get what I mean?) but he's also a very rational and caring guy and wouldn't do things like that spontaneously. If he is still a virgin, then what if I feel like I'm letting him down somehow (because by no means am I ready for That yet.) I'm not one to be pressured into anything, and he wouldn't in a million years pressure me or anyone else into something like that, and he really respects me a lot that way, but there's always just the little back-of-the-mind nagging. Same goes for if he isn't a virgin, I guess.Does this whole thing sound like too big a deal for a sixteen-year-old girl to try to deal with, long-distance no less?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2011): imho, the fact that you are so uncertain heavily implies that you are getting in to something that is over your head. Also, I second all that was said before me.
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (2 October 2011):
 If you're long distance then logistically speaking it doesn't seem like sex is right around the corner. Plus, that he hasn't brought it up is probably also a sign that he doesn't expect it from you. But if he's a good guy he won't pressure you into something you're not ready for.
I do think there's potential that you two are in different places in life, and that could be too much for you, particularly since it doesn't sound like you two talk very much (you don't know if he's a virgin?) or maybe you're avoiding difficult topics.
I think you should consider what you want from this relationship, where you want it to go (for example, are you trying to attend his college when you graduate? How invested does he seem in comparison to you?). Even if he is your first boyfriend, don't let where he is, his experience, his lifestyles, dictate/limit where YOU want to be and how YOU want to live your life. I don't know if that helps, but I'm concerned that you're worried you aren't good enough for him and I don't like that, so I wanted to make sure you know that you can set the standards by considering a dude that you feel comfortable or 'on par' with.
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