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male
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*skillet
writes: I broke up with a girl almost 8 months ago. She used to get angry with me and argue a lot with me. There was hardly any times she had to be that upset with me. I left her because she was constantly fighting and everything bad with her and I became based on her feelings and her views, which was never fair because I have my feelings and views as well. She may have understood how I felt and things I had to say, but she never made it evident that she did. Besides her fighting she was a great girl, but I just couldn't handle that side of her. She had a great love for me, she would do anything for me, we had many adventures, we did a lot of great things together, and she had a way about her that I've never found in another person. We dated for a year and a half and every time we had real bad fights she would need space to regain herself, I didn't understand that, I felt like I was gonna lose her if I just let her be. So I would I guess do whatever possible to "help" her back to normal with me. But that really wasn't helpful. Over time she became more and more detached and distant, so when we fought it became easier for me to say screw this and walk away, but I came back. So we split up about 8 months ago, she lost all her feelings for me, and she shut me out. She barely talked with me and I just wanted her back. I always hoped she'd come back and be a little different, not wanting to fight with me like she used to, but that doesn't seem like it'll ever happen. I've been through many emotional states, I started strong, happy I didn't have to deal with the monster she could be. Then I got really depressed and wanted her back to no end. Then I missed her, but wanted to move on and find someone who would treat me better. And now for the past few months I've been stuck in a state of depression and bipolar, and I have an almost constant miss for her. About a month ago she sent me a text saying how she's knows I've been hopeful that her and I would get back together, but things are different and that she doesn't think she can respond to all my texts or phone calls, and that she doesn't think she could see me again. So at that point I stopped all contact, I want to get me back to me, and talking to her when she has no feelings, she shows no desire to be with me, she shows no want to work at a healthy relationship with me, so I decided it's time to stop being stuck. I've cut off all contact, but I still feel stuck. So I stopped contact on a friday, on saturday night hurricane Irene came through my way. On sunday she texted me, asking if I had to go to work that day. ... Out of the year and a half we dated I've never had to work on a sunday. ... The following wednesday she texted me saying that if I needed a place to shower, that where she was staying had electricity. (most of my area lost power for a week) Then the following week she texted me that she missed me. For her to say that out of the blue takes a lot. Then the week after she called me. Then 2 weeks ago she texted me "I never wanted you to leave, but now you're gone for good." Then this past thursday she called, then texted "I'm moving, I doubt you care though, I just wanted to say goodbye." Then this morning she sent my friend that I live with a facebook message "can you tell jskillet to stop being a poophead." (poophead being her and my way of calling each other idiots or dumb or silly) .... so anyway I have not responded to any of her calls or texts since a month ago. but every time she reaches out to me it cuts, it emotionally hurts and drives me insane just pondering so many things. I spent this weekend at a friends house, we had the place to ourselves. I thought I liked her and wanted to eventually make something out of our friendship, but this weekend, we watched movies and had meals together, and played minigolf, but almost the whole time I just wanted to be with my ex. My friend wanted to get a little frisky, and I couldn't do it, she was disappointed, but she said she understands. I wanted to mess around with my friend, I thought maybe it'd help me move on a little more, but it didn't it made me feel worse. I really wanted the feelings I felt with my ex, the love and the passion, and with this girl it's not there and I couldn't bring myself to be physical with her. I don't know what to do with myself, I want to move on from my ex, but I feel like I can't. The part of me that wants my ex back wants her, but a different her. I don't really know what I'm looking for by posting this, but I'll gladly take anything anyone has to say.
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broke up, depressed, facebook, get back together, move on, my ex, no desire, split up, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, jskillet +, writes (3 October 2011):
jskillet is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for the response, "iloveyou123" i've had a few long relationships and not one has hurt like this. i think about my ex a lot and its really hard to redirect my thoughts. it's disheartening to feel so stuck. i've done so much to try and get me back, but overall i feel like i haven't gone anywhere.
A
female
reader, iloveyou123  +, writes (3 October 2011):
I was intrigued by this post because it seemed like I was reading something that my ex wrote about us! haha the part that implied you were someone else was the fact that you experienced hurricane Irene.. I am in Canada. Glad to know you're safe. So, just to let you know, things will get better day by day.. time flies when you do your best to focus on yourself. It's the attachment factor that's the hard part right now... you two were clearly deeply involved so plenty of time is required to get your mind back in 'free-spirited' mode... Also, easy 'rebounds' may temporarily provide relief but the only thing it will do at the end of the day is increase the number of girls you've slept with - not that it matters though. The best relationships happen when you least expect it, so while you're busy doin' you, someone that you're way more compatible with will come along. Even if you still can't stop thinking about your ex, at least your taking steps toward your new future. Hell, it's been 2 years since my break up and I'm finally dating someone new, yet I still think about my ex everyday. Every ex always places their spot in your heart, so for you it's just a matter of time.
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