A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Am I going to be single forever??? I have been single for ages after my boyfriend of 8 years cheated on me. Iv been on a few dates and have made sure im not clingy, that I pay my own way and am fun etc etc (its been a while since i dated lol). The thing is guys seem to only be interested in "going with the flow" which i have learnt means have sex with you until they get bored then just stop calling. Are there really no good men left and am I going to die alone!!!!
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male
reader, francisco  +, writes (23 April 2009):
listen, im 25 years old and im still single, and the funny thing about this site is that ive found out about it by typin the exact same question u are askin right now. discouragedly it seems that all the women i meet r after only 1 thing (money and a badass guy) but im definetly not a badass and i dont want to start a relationship thats only based on money. to be quite honest i dont really know how to answer u as well i feel that i too have lost faith. is this happenin in all genders or is it that everyone is becomin unfaithful? dont know
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): no real advice hun, but I do understand how you feel...feel similar. Its very hard and frustrating.
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle +, writes (2 July 2008):
 Hey Lonely Lady,
I may be way off here...but I suspect the answer to you woes lies in finding yourself again.
You were with a guy for 8 years - that's huge - and I expect you had an imagined 'future' with this man...probably marriage, kids- the whole shebang??? When he cheated on you it shattered not only your view of your future, but your view of the world/people/love in general.
I am speculating - but this has got to have taken a massive toll on YOU. Are you now left wondering who you are, wondering if you are valuable or even lovable? Wondering about your ability to have a relationship, keep it, trust it. Do you mistrust your own judgement now? Do you perhaps think you are not allowed to be happy or that you don;t deserve to be??
It is really wonderful - and shows what a strong, sassy lady you must be - that you're getting out there and trying to have fun. But maybe you need to focus less on finding Mr Right and more on yourself, reconnecting with your own needs/desires/goals etc, when you know yourself and love yourself things have a way of falling into place.
It's easier said than done....but I hope things work out for you my friend! x
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A
male
reader, WastedLife  +, writes (2 July 2008):
Are you advertising on the Internet? It does give you the opportunity to clarify who you are looking for and to see what type of woman the men are looking for. At your age, it would seem that you would have fairly good opportunities - though I do think this is hard for most folks. Sex is good, and relationship is something less without it. For myself, if I ever love anyone enough to have sex with her, I never want it to stop. There is a type of guy that wants variety rather than depth - perhaps you are meeting them - barroom types and egotists. Sadly, many women are attracted to irresponsible types and will have sex with them, but they will ultimately be let down. I would avoid church unless that's somewhere you really want to be.
I don't agree with playing hard to get - many guys WILL be put off by it unless you are really clear that he will get you if he persists. Those teasing games sound good, and they might be good for your ego, but ultimately, you'll go home alone. If you are a social type, try courses, activity clubs, groups, etc. If you are not, matching sites on the net are best, but don't be too picky about money, age, status, job, etc. Focus only on what really matters to YOU. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): Of course you are not going to be single forever. But judging by your attitude, you may be running the risk of settling with a mediocre guy simply because you want a relationship so bad. Don't make that mistake...
Look I am 27 and I have been single since I was 25. I personally don't mind. I have my own place. I can focus on my goals. I can hang out with my friends. It's fun. But I am very young at heart...
I mean why do you want a relationship so bad? You are not going to attract great men, if any men, if you are not happy with yourself. And I understand that coming out of a 8 year relationship with a man who cheated on you must have had a huge impact on your self esteem. Men can sense your vulnerability and your lack of confidence and the bad ones take advantage of it. And even the ones that won't take advantage of you will be turned off.
Men want by their side a confident, happy woman who's got her sh*t going for her. If they sense that you are self conscious or desperate or not even that happy with yourself, they will tend to write you off.
Right now you don't need a man. But what you do need is a new you. Focus on things that will make you a more confident, fulfilled person. Develop a good network of friends. Get in really good shape. Work towards getting a promotion at work. Read alot of good books. Get involved in activities that you love, whether it be cycling, or skydiving or painting.
And please continue dating, but STOP letting the guys you date dictate whether they stick around or not. Turn the tables and YOU be the boss of that. Did you even really like any of the guys you dated who rejected you? Cause if you didn't then why are you upset that it didn't work out? Stop worrying about what they think and instead ask yourself, are they worth YOUR time? Did YOU like him?
You need to take CONTROL of your life and stop letting other people's opinions dictate how you feel about yourself. Only YOU have the power to make that kind of judgment.
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A
female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (2 July 2008):
 Yes they are still here! Its just very hard to find them. I was very unlucky in this area for 25 years and than I met HIM! The best guy ever. I love him sooo much. Just dont worry .. he is there! It just wasnt your time yet!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): Awww noo don't die alone. Your not going to die alone.
If your not married by the time your 40 we'll get married.
Now, being realistic, not all guys are after sex. I mean its one hell of a good thing but how about trying to seperate the jerks, for the more mature, I like you for your personality and I want a relationship.
So how about a game plan?!
So when a guy asks you out, say no - unless of course you actually like him for who he is. If he wants sex, say no. Make them sweep you off your feet. This might take some patience, but I guarantee one day you will find someone, you will get married and you can do what ever the hell you want with your happy future.
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