A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Need advice for LDR?Im in my first LDR ever and I have a had a handful of other relationship before this one. Its been successfully moving along for 6-7 months now. I really really like this woman. First of all I don't want anyone bashing LDR on this thread and I just want some advice. I am experiencing some abnormalities for myself in this relationship. Im not acting/thinking the way i have in other traditional relationships. I've talked to my partner about some of my fears and shared some input. Gave her a chance to exchange some of her ideas but I think it seemed more like a way out in left field kind of stuff to them. I find myself thinking/pondering/sometimes worrying/stressin a little about my significant other. I might think I did something wrong if I don't hear from her in a couple of days, voice sounds different or something but nothing that I won't talk to her about. I know I am in control of it and the second I pick up a book I can usually get over it but its like my thoughts are pulling me towards her. I am concerned that Im developing some kind of obsession/anxiety. I've expressed my needs in this ldr. I've never felt like this before. I know some part of waiting for a phone calls is normal but it seems like my life as I used to know it kind of shifting focus. I still find value in what im doing ie: work/school/friends but its just this weird feeling. Am I going insane? I feel like im losing myself a little. Any advice? I hang out with my friends to keep myself busy and I am taking classes. I am also working. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, OhGetReal  +, writes (27 August 2010):
 You are not going crazy, what you are feeling is why most long distance relationships do not work...I know you don't want anyone bashing LDR's which means you aren't open to the idea that this may not work out and one or the other of you may lose interest, can't cope with the intense feelings of loss and despair that sometimes goes along with not knowing if this relationship will stand the test, and feeling guilty about possibly wanting to just end your suffering.
The point of the matter is, it won't work unless one or the other of you plans to move to where the other one is, whether that means moving in together, getting married or simpling relocating to your own place and finding a job so that you can pursue the relationship to it's potential.
If you have discussed this possibility then hold onto that. Make definate plans on when you will be phoning and talking, schedule it, schedule visits and then follow through without dissappointing the other and hold onto the knowledge that you will be seeing her soon on such and such a date. Other than that there isn't much you can do about the fact that a lot of the time it simply sucks feeling like your relationship is under threat all of the time, simply because you can't see each other.
For your sake, I hope it gets better and not worse, take care.
A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (27 August 2010):
First we dont bash! we only try to give our opinion and advice! i think? maybe it's because you really like her alot! and you may be scared of losing her? so you are creating your own anixety attacks! and from reading your post the words you choose you sound like you like things in order am i wrong? just slow down breath in and out and try to understand what started it to the point your at! you do have control over your body & thoughts so when it happens take yourself to a good place and relax.
Good Luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (27 August 2010):
 A LDR is a lot different than a normal relationship..you can't touch, see(unless you Skype), hold, kiss, cuddle, go places with your other on a regular basis..the key to keeping it together is the communication, the phone calling, texting, emailing, and IMing. The wondering, worrying, the sometimes looking closely into what they say or how the communication goes is completely normal. You can't interact physically too often with this person so you have to go on the communication. I will say LDR's aren't for everyone, both parties have to put in the effort of communicating, driving, or hopping a plane to see one another when possible. But, they can work I married mine. So you're not crazy you're always going to be thinking about her because you miss her, ease up on the worrying and you sound like you're doing a great job on occupying your time. Split airfare, or give her gas money for coming to see you...when you do see each other that's when all those feelings disappear and you know that this LDR is well worth it!
...............................
|
