A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I've been seeing this guy for a while. We aren't "boyfriend and girlfriend", so to speak, but we talked abut moving on to that stage. He travels a lot for work and doesn't own his own cellphone (in this day and age... I know). when we met and started seeing each other he was borrowing a friend's phone (said friend was on a long-term vacation). Over Thanksgiving he went out of state to visit family, and told me he would be returning the phone before hand but would stay in touch and we'd find a way to talk.We spoke last Tuesday for the last time. he left Wednesday morning, came back Sunday... And I still haven't heard from him. He had a landline number, but his apartment had severe water damage and he's not living there now, instead staying with friends or in hotels. Therefore, I have no way of contacting him (since he doesn't do social networking either). It's now Wednesday night. Should I assume he's just busy, or something else? He went away one other time before this and spoke to me afterwards. Am I freaking out by thinking the worst?He always told me to be optimistic and to not worry so much... Should I listen? Or is this his way of "dumping" me?Help is appreciated. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 December 2011):
 He's seen your mother...but you haven't seen his . He's seen your place... but you haven't seen his. And , while there are lots of women available for casual sex, there aren't that many available for ANYTHING at all with a mystery man who can't provide a phone number /address.
It sounds that you have opted in favour of blind trust - very blind. The kind of blind that makes you hit your head hard against some wall. Good luck, I wish you sincerely you don't have to say a big OUCH one of these days.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 December 2011):
 "I understand what everyone is saying, except I feel if he were cheating on a significant other he wouldn't have taken me to his work to introduce me to his coworkers/friends, which has happened"
REALLY? My dad cheated on my mom with a co-worker and the whole freaking office covered for him..... just saying
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (5 December 2011):
 You sure have a lot of excuses... no matter what we say, you say, no he's OK. You've made up your mind your dating a good guy. So your not really looking for advice, you just want someone to make you feel better.
He met your mum, you aint met his. Some co worker says he's OK, but has she been to his house, does she know what he does outside work, does she call him, is she an outside friend? No company can take away your phone, what if your mother dies or something.. Again, lots of crap excuses. You say a lot of stuff, but who is telling you this, him or somebody else.
Where does he live?
What does his house look like?
Who is his best friend, when are you going to meet them?
How old is his mother, does she have blue or brown eyes.
If I'm seeing a guy for a while, I can answer all these questions. (even if mum is dead, I want to see the pictures)
Never dated a man who I couldn't call - any sign of that and I aint waiting around and making excuses, instead I lose his number pretty damn quickly.
No problem, you know what you think, who are we to decide to advise you differently. Wait around, he may call one day, he may not. You might see his house, if he doesn't have another excuse about somehow it burning down.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (5 December 2011):
 Have you met any of his family friends? Have you been to his leaky apartment?
Ok you've let him in your life, but what have you seen of his, besides his co-workers? What do you really know about this guy?
How old is he? How long have you two been beating around the bush with each other?
I doubt his co-workers know anything about this man's personal life. He COULD be married, engaged, seeing someone else. You don't mix business with pleasure. People don't like to share their personal life with their co-workers, because people ARE nosy and they gossip.
Going on a work trip is not a privilege, it's work. It's not a fun vacation.
If he likes you more than sex, then why aren't you two boyfriend-girlfriend, yet?
Why ask this question if you already have your mind made up that everything is peachy?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNot only that, but he's met my mother, he came over to help me when my ceiling was leaking water, he drove all the way out to my work to bring me a care package before a trip and he ran through downtown to see me before I left on the bus. I just feel like that's a bit too much effort to get close to someone and then toss them away when I'm sure there are plenty of people (unlike me) who are interested in only casual sex.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo be fair, when he travels, his whole team goes, and he said they usually aren't allowed to be on their cell phones since it's a privilege and not a right to go on these trips. And my mom knows one of his coworkers, and she seemed to think he was oke.
(And she didn't say, oh, he's married! Or oh, he's seeing someone! When my mom told her that he and I were seeing each other.)
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (4 December 2011):
As others have said ,you should assume first of all that he is married - engaged- living with someone . He cannot be cheating because he introduced you to his coworkers ?..Naive and optimistic, maybe he knows that his coworkers will not rat on him, out of guy code or something, or maybe they do not even CARE or know him enough to bother.
Actually, this IS the best case scenario, otherwise you have to assume he is involved in something illegal- drug dealing or smuggling or whatnot. I mean , come on, ! He travels a lot for work... but he does not own a cell phone and he needs to borrow it ? And , very conveniently, he got flooded and has no landline anymore ? And he lives at friends, or in hotels,... but you do not know where ? WHY?
What is so difficult in saying, in case you need to get in touch with me, for the next few days I am at " Big Fat Liar Hotel " downtown ?...
This guy is bulshitting you left right and center. Maybe he is already history, more probably he will resurface soon, but it is clear he wants total control over when , where, and how long you are in touch. Ask yourself if there could be any legitimate reason for that, and when you find one... please let me know , I am curious.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (4 December 2011):
I find it VERY hard to believe that a man who travels a lot for work doesn't have a cell phone. That IS a lie.
How does his work keep in touch with him when he's out of the office for weeks on end?
Why does he have to a borrow a friend's phone when he can go out and a get a contract phone in his name, or even a prepaid one for as low as $30!
Of course it's convenient his apartment has water damage and he's staying with friends or hotels. How come he hasn't given you the contact number of where he's staying?? Have you ever been to his apartment?
This guy IS shady. I willing to bet he's married or is definitely seeing other women besides you. Maybe a combination of the two.
So what if he brings you into meet his co-workers? It's not like they're his family.
Lastly, it's NOT cheating when you two AREN'T boyfriend-girlfriend. So for now, you really don't have anything to worry about other than the fact that he's hiding something.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI understand what everyone is saying, except I feel if he were cheating on a significant other he wouldn't have taken me to his work to introduce me to his coworkers/friends, which has happened.
I unno, I feel like if I were cheating on my husband I wouldn't bring a lover to work and introduce him arond.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 December 2011):
my 77 year old father has a cell phone for god's sake.
and if his parents were still alive they would too.
you can buy a burn phone at walmart for 12 dollars and for $50 per month have unlimmited text, calls and data.
NOT having a phone is a CROCK of POO....
how do his parents get in touch with him?
how do his friends get in touch with him?
how does his OFFICe get in touch with him?
even I have been known to call my boyfriend's work blackberry when I can't get him on his cell...
friends he stays with have phones
hotels have phones..
IF he wanted to find you he would. TRUST ME.
he's not dumping you but I wil bet he'll call when he's horny.... what does that say?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 December 2011):
 1. If he has a job, he has a cell phone. Specially if he travels for work, I can not IMAGINE any company who wouldn't either PROVIDE a phone or DEMAND he has a cell phone. So I call the BULL Sh!T card, on the no phone thing.
2. He had severe water damage in his apartment, so he lives at friends and motels, but doesn't tell you WHERE at exactly he is? For real? Second BULLSH!T card.
3. He is using his "friends" cell and have to give it back, but doesn't even bother to go buy a $25 cell phone to keep in touch with you, his almost girlfriend? Hmmm... Did you do a reverse phone look up and see WHO the cell belongs to?
4. HE is the one in control of everything. When you get to talk, when you get to see each other and I'm guessing WHERE you get to see each other as well.... THAT to me sounds VERY much like a guy who is already either in a relationship or marriage.
I'm sorry, I may seem extremely jaded, but nothing about what you posted about him comes off as believable.
YOUR gut is telling you something, that is why you are thinking the worst.. LISTEN to that gut and use your brains.
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female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (1 December 2011):
 Hi,He's the only person in the world who does not own a cell phone? LolAfter reading your post I don't feel good about this guy. Something is not right. Ok, let's say he doesn't own a phone, why can't he use a pay phone, it only cost $.25 I think, to just say hi???? To me there's no excuse for him not to call you everyday? Just say hi, how you are doing, etc... If a guy really likes someone, I think he will do whatever it takes to just say hello to you. No, you are not freaking out, you have the right to feel this way. I think he's probably seeing someone, or he's just not ready to commit to you. My guest, trust your gut feeling. I wouldn't put too much effort on this guy. I don't want you to have your hopes up, and get hurt. This is only the beginning, try not to get attached to him, then it will get harder for you to get over him. Sorry, but this is only my opinion...Take care/good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): hmm tough one.
He doesnt have any form of communication and knows you would be worrying. So why hasn't he been in touch already? Something is telling me he is hiding something, or he doesnt really feel that strongly toward you.
I know if i really liked someone i'd find a way to call them especially knowing they have no way to contact me.
Leave it a couple more days and if no word, then dont get too hopeful about the whole thing. Sounds like he isn't really worth it if he cannot compromise to communicate (by buying a cheap prepaid phone or something). He is very private which can be ok, but can also be sign for something else is going on hes not letting on about..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): "Should I assume he's just busy, or something else?"Something else. He's either married or living with another woman which is why he doesn't want you calling him or knowing where he lives; he just wants to you to be on-call 24/7 so you're always available to him on a moment's notice at his convenience. ". . . is this his way of "dumping" me?" No, it's his way of stringing you along so he can cheat on his wife/girlfriend with you AND at the same time cheat on you with the next available hookup who comes along because he knows he you're gullible and desparate enough to believe anything he says without question (He travels for work yet doesn't have a cell phone? He's staying with friends or in hotels because of water damage?) Puh-leeze.Please try to develop some self-respect and common sense.
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