A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend are facing a bit of a problem in our relationship and I would like some advice on how to handle the situation. Let's start from the begining. I am Swedish and he is English. After 2 years travelling between our countries, trying to see each other as often as possible I decided to move to him in late December 2008. Not wanting to give up my dream of a university education I applieed for Uni over here. Unfortunately I didn't get into the University in the town we live in. But, I got into one 2 hours away. To allow myself to put all of my focus on my studies I want to move to the place where my Uni is located. This is not the worlds most exiting place but I am determined to follow through. I am 23 years now and I don't want to wait any longer to get my education. Now to the problem, my boyfriend refuses to move with me. He says he cant imagine living in this place and says that he would feel as is he would be moving there without a purpose, just so that I can go to university. This makes me feel rather unimportant to him. After all I left my family and all my close friends to come an live in the country where he is from hoping that we put the long distance part of our relationship behind us. because it is difficult to have a long distance relationship woth him. he often looses his phone and don't like to talk on the phone anyway. If it was up to him we would talk only 1-2 times/ week. I on the other hand whant to talk dayily. There has been situations in the past when there has been no cantact for 2 weeks. I couldn't eat or sleep during this period and promised myself not to put my self through anyting like that again. This is something he can't understand. He don't se the problem and blames me for being in constand need of comfort and reassurance. I have asked some our our friends and my family for advise on the matter. Some people say "just go to uni and focus on yourself and let him do as he wishes" other people say "so apparently you are not the love of his life. If he loved you he would come with you." And I guess that is what I think too. It would just be so nice if he could do this for me, I have even suggested that we move to the place of my university for the first term, if he really don't like it then we can move to a bigger city only 50 minutes away and I can comute. I just feel it is important for me to have everyday acces to the facilites at uni atleast during the first term. his life in the place we live now is rather unnsettled, he has oliy lived here as long as I have and doesn't really have a job that he cares about. he has a cupple of his freinds here but only meets with the occasionally at the weekends. I realy believe in us as a couple, we have gone through a lot and our love has grown strong. But this situation makes me doubtful. I know I love him and if there is such a thing as the love of your life, he is the one. Am I fooling myself into believing that he loves me just as much. Can you expect your partner to move with you in a situation like this or should I just accept his wishes and go with the long distance again only seing eachother at the weekends? Thany you for your time.xx The swede
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male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (28 July 2009):
 I can see that you do not have a problem, but he does. If my girlfriend moved from another COUNTRY to be with me, I would be exceedingly happy, and would have no problem being with her in a Uni city.
Your boyfriend sounds like a 'typical' English guy. The world revolves around him!
It is clear that you love him, and in his way I assume he loves you too. But I have doubts. He should be willing to have daily contact, by email even if not by phone. There seems to be a certain amount of fear coming from him. He seems afraid to move away from 'home', and afraid to display any feelings that he might have. He seems afraid of your ambitions. He would be moving 'just' so you could go to Uni? Just? What, is your degree not important? And surely, the other purpose of moving is to be with you. He needs to grow up.
My advice is to move to the Uni city and live your life. You cannot waste time as far as education is concerned. If he is serious about you, he will find a way to compromise. But I also wouldn't wait around for him, while he makes no move to commit to you. Stay focused on your future, and if he is willing to join your world, then thats great. If not, then he is not 'the one'.
A
female
reader, Camel32  +, writes (28 July 2009):
 Go with your gut feeling! You sound like a very intellegent person, and you have a good head on your sholders!!! I am confident that your thought process behind the issue between you and your BF is correct. "you moved for him"! I understand how hard it is to think about leaving the person you love but on the other hand why sould your dreams of a higher education be put on hold?? Please take my advice and don't wait too long to attend school! Think about all new people you will meet, and things to do at the University.
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