A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, just looking for a bit of advice. The thing is I'm 25, nearly 26 and I'm so fed up of being alone. I feel guilty for feeling this way as I have a lovely family and friends, a decent job and I have been contented with my life in general. I was with an ex from the age of 15 until I was 20 and I knew we weren't right. He was a lovely person but I didn't feel that 'thing' I believe you should feel. Since then, I have dated and even fell in love once but its always ended (weirdly around the same time of the year/for similar reasons ie the guy saying they are 'too' busy despite seeming keen at first. I'm generally confident, but every now and again I question whether its my looks or personality. The last guy I met seemed really keen but hadn't long got out of a relationship so he was a bit up and down. I called an end to it as I could see myself getting hurt and he seemed a bit peeved but accepted it. I just feel like am I expecting too much? I set such high expectations of what I want out a relationship that I'm worried it's not attainable in real life. I'm laid back too and quite 'stubborn' so I won't put myself out there too much but I'm worried I'm giving off the wrong vibe/throwing potential relationships away :( any advice? I just feel like I'm in my prime and want someone to enjoy it with.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2013): Thanks for your feedback too Wiseowl! I'd like to hope I don't let my disappointment with previous partners show to new ones! Thanks for your male perspective though, good idea on the social scenes other than pubs ;)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2013): No, you're not expecting too much from relationships. You have a sense of your self-worth, so don't sell yourself short. S-S-S-S-H-H-H-H-H!!!!Don't let anybody know you're looking for a relationship!You're expecting to find a compatible person in a short period of time. It doesn't happen. You have to look through the pile. Sorry!You have to know what you're looking for. No princes or phony romantics. Those are stuffed-toys. Not men.Know the difference between fantasy and unrealistic expectations. Consider mixed signals unworthy of your time and effort. It's only sex he wants, if he can only come up with smalltalk. If you carry all the conversation; he might be dumb or a plug. The process of elimination can be time-consuming and tedious. Just enjoy the attention if nothing else.End the quest for the Holy Grail. Dating is not a chore. Don't carry a poster over your head:" LONELY, SINGLE, CYNICAL, AND SEARCHING FOR A PERFECT MAN!" You may as well, if it shows on your face; and reflects in your attitude.You need exposure to be seen. So join a gym (working out is fun), participate in church activities (you could use a blessing), go to football games, and jogging parks; where you'll "run" into single eligible men. As often as you can. Don't linger on corners near pubs. Just kidding! :)They're out there. Available and looking just like you are.Just be open-minded and get to know a man's real character before you attach your feelings.Avoid players. Sometimes they're sexy and charming, but they're just a waste of time. We all get unfairly judged by the tools women are most attracted to.These guys have good game and know how to attract women; they just don't know how to keep or treat them right. If all you need is a one-night stand. That's your man.Date when you desire friendly male companionship; with no pressures on either of you.Don't let too much time lag in-between dating activity. You'll get lazy. Lazy leads to desperate. Desperation leads to disaster.Don't drill guys, or layout your expectations in front of a date. Do a mental checklist. Don't let frustration and disappointment piss you off. It will reflect in your overall attitude. It just isn't pretty; and men can see it. Like the little kid in the movie who could see dead people.Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2013): Hey, I'm the OP, thanks for the feedback! When I say high expectations, I don't mean physically/Mr Muscle! Just someone like-minded, similar sense of humour etc. I suppose the thing is, I've got to a place where I am more or less happy with myself (the odd hormonal day like today aside!)I think the only thing missing is a partner to share it with! I've met different blokes, never really forced anything, just they seem to end up ending the same way with me being left alone, and it's so much so that I almost expect things to end and it's a bit disheartening. Thank you though, I know there are others in the same predicament, I just wish 'HE' would hurry up!!
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A
female
reader, shna  +, writes (18 November 2013):
 So you have high standards and know exactly what you want from a relationship? PERFECT you have won half of the battle! Your not like most girls who cry about wanting a boyfriend but not knowing what they want in a partner ! So whats on your list The guy must be a hard worker, amazing body, health conscious , want children !?When you make these decisions you have to look at yourself and say am i health conscious do i have rock hard abs?You cant just seek your ideal person with these crazy expectations you have to be in some form of what you desire otherwise you will never attract what you want! Do you get where I'm coming from?Now Secondly : you cant go searching for love, its not as simple as that i mean you COULD try online dating / speed / blind dating any of them but your only going to meet mr tonight or right now not mr right !! Look at yourself and take a think and ask yourselfare you the happiest you could be ?whats missing in your life ?What did you miss out on in your younger years that you regret?Work on these things NOWWork on the best person you can beGain confidence and sex appeal and use it all to your advantage !!Come back here when you've found mr perfect and tell us all the deets Im routing for you :)
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