A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a boyfriend I have been dating long distance for a year. He has a strick job and a boss that refers him self as the devil... I tell him to get a new job but it seems like he's stuck... I have a two year old daughter who does not know her real father and calls my boyfriend dada... is that ok? He like the fact that she calls him that... I don't mind but it bothers me that he's far away at the same time I feel like to deserve the name dada he should take all the responsibilities a real father would have to take... am I expecting to much from him? Am I thinking wrong?
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female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (20 December 2010):
 You can't just tell a child not to call someone Daddy when they put someone in that role. I don't think that's right. I agree with you fully on that if she is going to call him Daddy and be in a relationship with you (and your daughter because you are a package deal) then he needs to know that he has to step up or leave.
If he is in a serious relationship with you, then he should know that your daughter is included in that relationship. I would talk to him about it, seriously and in a face to face way or over the phone if that is more comfortable with you. Be blunt and honest. Don't sugar coat. She is your daughter, don't be afraid to speak up for her.
Good luck! Let me know how it turns out okay?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMe and him are in a serious relationship. Really serious. One of us has to move. Mostlikely he will have to move here.
No he doesn't help me finantually... no pamper or ect... that's what I'm wondering about. I feel like if he want the name then he should do all that too. He's the only guy she knows and want to call dada... my brother has close friends I call my little brothers since I've known then since I was little... she calls them tio... that's uncle in spanish. I would never expose her to any other guys. She's extrememly smart for her age... she knows my boyfriend aka dada by picture and seen him in person once. If this relationship doesn't work I'm not getting into another one for a very long time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2010): This is tricky. A year's long distance relationship - going forward either you need to move near home or him you. It is best for you be be a proper family if he is going to be known a 'dad' and be a father to your daughter. What if it finishes, is your daughter going to call your next boyfriend 'dad' too. I don't want to sound harsh but your dughter needs continuity and stablity. I wouldn't let a boyfriend be known as 'dad' until I was totally sure that the relationship was very secure and on a good long term footing. Its too late now as if she already calling him that, you can't change it now as it would be confusing for her. But you need to be a family. When there is a child involved it is a whole different ball game than with just two adults.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (17 December 2010):
I think that if a child feels that someone is their momma or their daddy and they call that person momma or daddy then it's okay for them to do so. It's not going to hurt anything.
You are right in that he should take all of the responsibilities a father has if she is going to give him that role to play, but he is also your boyfriend. The man who loves Mommy and shows Mommy affection and I'm assuming he is the only man she has known in her life? Maybe not. If not then still, are you going to tell her she can't call him Daddy?
She is young, but even at a young age children remember things like that. I have a two year old son who calls my bf of two years Daddy (which he also loves) but I sat down and talked with him about how much it would hurt and affect my son if he were to leave or if he played into the role only half way. If you are going to be a Daddy then you have to be Daddy, there is no half way.
Is he helping you out with diapers and things for your daughter? Have you two gotten to that relationship marker yet? Are you guys really serious in your relationship? I think you guys can make this work, if you both want it to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for answering my question... I've thought the same. Way. He's a great guy and sometimes I feel like I treat him as if he was the one who mistreated me and my daughter... or neglected her. He still deals with me though and forgives me. I get so confused and angry that I'm her only parent and release my anger on him. I still feel like even though he's far away he should try to fill in some kind of responsibility. Idk if its just me.
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A
female
reader, sammi star  +, writes (17 December 2010):
 It's definitly a tricky one. A year isn't a long time at all for your daughter to be calling your bf dada but then she is very young so I can kind of understand it.
You are right in saying that if he wants the name he should take the responsibilities but it's always difficult to know which requests are reasonable and which are asking too much of a man who is not her biological father. I do understand your predicament completely because I am also with a man who is not my daughters biological father although he does take on the role of dad even though my daughter doesn't call him that.
Is your bf looking for a new job? Yes, he may be stuck there for now but he could also be on the look out for something closer to you. If your child is calling him dada then it's a reasonable of you to want her to have more time with him. It seems there's not much he can do right now because walking out on his job would be no good but as long as he's willing to try the whole looking for something else and the two of you keep communicating then I'm sure you can work through this.
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