A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Am I emotionally detached? I've been with my current boyfriend for a few months. He's a lovely guy and treats me well. He is tender, loving, polite and calls me everyday,so why is it that I can't bring myself to connect with him? I've been hurt in the past like almost 99.9% of the adult human race but I can't bring myself to connect with him. I know there are no guarantees in life (apart from death and taxes) but I am downright scared to make any kind of emotional investment in case it goes wrong. It is so bad that I sometimes tell myself that he doesn't exist and that he is just a figment of my imagination!! I'm afraid that I could end up losing him over this. Any suggestions on what I should do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010): You sound like my BOYFRIEND. I honestly, don't understand why you are in a relationship let alone on the dating field if you are so afraid of getting hurt or have an issue with emotions, bonding and intimacy. Because, what's going to happen is that you are going to end up hurting this fellow and then Karma is going to come back and bit you in the butt when you least expect it. It baffles me at how people will make all sorts of excuses not to appreciate a great person when they come into their life...they will take the person for granted (like you are doing with your current bf), not put their all into the relationship, cause the person emotional distress and finally without further adue, push the person away once they have reached their breaking point. You knew you had a problem with being attached in relationships, so why did you get this man involved in your life? I don't think you should be in a relationship until you can work things out internally, mentally and emotionally. Seek therapy of some sort, and read relationship books and if you believe in God, pray and ask for help.
If you continue down this path, your worse fears will come true because, karma will come back to pay you a visit. I dont' care how scared you are of being alone...never, ever toy around with the emotions of others. Never, ever take them from granted. As I cited, my bf has the same problem as you do, and I am sad for the most part because, I don't deserve this sort of detachment and he knew he had this problem when he met me, so why was he so hell bent on pursuing a relationship with me only to reveal months later that he doesn't want to get close to people and is emotionally detached for the most part. Esp. after I told him of the horrible relationship I had gotten over before we started dating. So, your poor bf is going to get tired of your treatment towards him and you should start doing something NOW before you end up alone or with some man who doesn't give a rats ass about you.
A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (16 May 2010):
 I understand that you have been hurt in the past but you have to understand that this is a new guy with no relationship to all those others who have hurt you. Work on realizing that each new relationship does not have to be connected with the last one. If you don't put you're heart out there it will never be able to find true love which in the end is worth all the punishment it has to take prior to finding that special person. I'm sure he loves you fully even if it were to all end tomorrow he would love you 110% right till the very end and you know that you always have people who care about you who will not let you fall so that you can get through anything bad that may happen. He could be that 0.1% who will be there for you forever but you have to trust him with your heart. You're right that you can't be hurt if you have no attachment but you also can't gain anything either.
I truely hope this helps you realize that heartbreak is just another step closer to finding the one and for all you know this could be where the heartbreak ends.
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