A
female
age
30-35,
*argentsgirl89
writes:I got pregnant with my son at 18 by a guy who told me I was a whore and the baby wasn't his. He was my first. He didn't talk to me for four months after that. Then he decided to contact me at which point he basically used me for money and rides when he needed one. His family are all former felons and meth heads, some have started using again.All of the drama that surrounds that family and the shady life they lead, the guy died when my son was six months old, he was 18 and after he died its like everyone forgot that he was a horrible father and user of people. He was dating 12 year old's for goodness sake. Before he died I had started dating a guy that i had known for two years prior and we continue to be very happy, we have a daughter now too. I was 19 then, I'm 24 now. I stopped talking to them after the 15 year old (at the time) called my phone, threatening to slit my bf's throat and then when I hung up on him, he called me back and left me a voice mail telling me to "answer my f-ing phone." I haven't talked to them since then. His mother called me yelling at me and just all sorts of drama.They have a shady life, they hand out with ex-drug abusers and current users. They all get drunk all the time. The younger ones walk around with their pants around their ankles, getting curfew tickets, under age drinking tickets and all that. I haven't spoken to them in three years, my son is four years old now. They keep trying to message me, wanting to be back in my son's life, three years later. My fiance, the man I've been with since my son was six months old, the man who was there for me and my son when he was hospitalized at two months old, agrees with me that they shouldn't have any involvement in our lives and we should just forget about them.What my question for you is, in your opinion, do you think I'm doing the right thing? I believe I'm protecting my son, they never really contributed anything to his life. Just stress to mine. Am I doing the right thing by keeping them away from my son?
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female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (19 August 2013):
largentsgirl89 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I did change my number three years ago, they just messaged me on facebook, three years later. I do believe I'm doing the right thing. My fiance and I have agreed that when he is older, we will sit him down and tell him the truth. I love my son and I sincerely appreciate everyone of you for taking the time to put your thoughts into my question. Thank you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2013): I agree that they shouldn't have any involvement in your son's life, especially at these tender years where he basically has no say about what happens to him. But don't be a brick wall, your son may want to explore his roots when older and more mature enough to handle the consequences. I would personally sit down and write everything i know about the family down, who's your son is related to and what kind of person you believe them to be. Add photos and any other info etc. That way has access to his genelogy should he wish it. He might want to know where his nose comes from etc. He not. But atleast saving things shows you care about your son even if right now you could care less about his "relatives". They do sound dangerous and i would stay as far a way as possible. Move if you have to.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (18 August 2013):
As a mother we have to do things we believe are right. You are doing the right thing. Do not second guess yourself. Move forward and don't look back.
Be prepared to have to answers when that family comes a calling to inform your son that you have withheld a relationship with them. That can always be painful for him.
Good Luck!
Oh and get your number changed.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (18 August 2013):
largentsgirl89 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much. I was very sheltered growing up, he was my first and I got pregnant. I didn't know his family's background, it was just him and his mother when I met him. He didn't see my son. He never considered my son his. My fiance has opened my eyes to a lot and loves and protects our son and our daughter. I know I'm right in doing this, its nice to have confirmation that others would do the same. Thank you. Sincerely everyone.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2013): THESE PEOPLE SHOULD HAVE NOTHING -- ABSOLUTELY NOTHING -- TO DO WITH YOUR CHILD.
You are doing the right thing.
These people could physically hurt your son, you, and/or your fiance. Their ultimate goal is likely to induct your son into their family gang, and mould him in their image.
They probably can't stand the fact that your son will have a much better life than his father did, and they certainly can't stand that you have more say than they do in your son's life.
Protect your son from these monsters. I'm being serious. Your son is at a very impressionable age, where each event in his life can send him one way or the other with regards to how his future might turn out. You don't want junkies, gangsters, and repeat offenders imprinting their way of life on him. You don't want your son to get the idea that his "destiny" is to become like his father.
You have a good head on your shoulders, I can tell. Keep using it.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 August 2013):
 Yes, you definitely *are* protecting your son. His biological father had the only legal right to visit, and he's no longer alive. The others are all on drugs and living a life where violence and drugs are the norm.
The first 5 years of your son's life are considered by many to be the most influential on who he is and becomes. Remember, your son's dad was partly the way he was due to his upbringing and environment, and given that you have concrete evidence that they are still leading lifestyles that are detrimental to you and your son (you have people threatening to slit throats here!), keeping your kid away from that is not only okay, but necessary!
They have no legal claim to your son, and if they are getting drunk, taking drugs, breaking the law and such, you can get a restraining order against them if they threaten violence against you or your BF.
Listen, *you* be careful about who you hang out with. I'm hoping that your eyes were opened in regards to who you are attracted to (you decided to have sex with a guy like this!), so as you know, in whatever choice about the guy you're with, keep your son first! Sounds like your current BF is much better for you.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (18 August 2013):
I 100% think you are doing the right thing. There is no need for them to be in his life, they are not good people nor are they interested in your life or your son's. I think as you continue to find your way and move up in life, they will try harder to take what they can get from you. You may want to consider that they may harass you just so you can give them something. While this is speculation, I have seen this behaviour from bad people.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2013): Absolutely. Dont let them guilt trip you. No mother in her right mind would knowingly place her child in danger. That is what you would be doing introducing your son to their horrible living enviroment. They probably see you as a means to fund their drug and alcohol habits and dont really care for seeing your son. If the grand mother of your son never protected her own son from drugs and alcohol abuse do you think your son will be treated with any consideration about being exposed to it?
Do as you were. Enjoy you family unit with your children and man and put your exes family out of your mind. Also consider changing your phone number so they cannot contact you through the phone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2013): My advice,
Do not contact them in anyway, ever.
They will bring misery and trouble to your life.
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