A
female
age
41-50,
*eatriceandjohn
writes:What it is.. I have a baby son who is 6 months old. My partner the babys dad has 6 other children, one of them that we don't know cuz he didnt wanna meet... 3 of them, his ex-wife's ones, used to come to ours every single week as I was inviting them round for sleepovers... In time, though, when I had my own son, I could not deal with everything on my own kids and housework( he used to not help at all with his kids or the house) and do not call them so they come to ours any more. He says that he feels it's my fault he's stopped seeing the kids cause I can't be arsed doing all the running round for them anymore but I suggested to him he can still invite them down to ours as long as he is the one in charge of their care. He says that he is in work all day and when he is free he wants to have them, which is fair enough, but I wanna go out and enjoy life when he is free-once a week rather than being stuck in the house. My question is, am I doing the right thing by washing my hands of them kids and focusing on my own son? He says I don't love them anymore, which I do, it's just that now I feel it's my turn to be happy....
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (31 May 2012):
 Because he sounds like a lazy ass father to me, thisjust means less work for you, honey. With him around you had TWO children to take care not to mention the extras that floated in every so often. Now you can get out there and make a wonderful life for you and your son.
A
female
reader, Beatriceandjohn +, writes (31 May 2012):
Beatriceandjohn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHow did they eyes wide open :(
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (31 May 2012):
Buck up Honey, things might have worked out for the best. At least I think they did.
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A
female
reader, Beatriceandjohn +, writes (31 May 2012):
Beatriceandjohn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSituation update: we split up :(( he says he's gonna spend time with three of his kids at his ex-wife's... Broken hearted :(((((((((
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (29 May 2012):
 His actions regarding his other children should be a major red flag for you.
He takes responsibility in the sense that he has to provide a paycheck for them, that's it.
This is NOT a man that I would be having any more children with, since he can't seem to take FULL RESPONSIBILITY for his other children. I'd hate to see how he treats your child when he/she gets older.
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female
reader, Beatriceandjohn +, writes (28 May 2012):
Beatriceandjohn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have but he seems to take the piss
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (27 May 2012):
I suppose this explains why he has an ex wife.
As I've said if you two are boyfriend and girlfriend, HIS children aren't your responsibility. They're his. I don't understand why they're being unloaded onto you when they reside with their mother. How many days a week does he get them?
I'd point out since they're his children, he needs to spend the time with them when they're here. You're not their mother or stepmother.
Lastly, if you're having a hard time with your boyfriend and keeping up with that many children plus your own...then marriage may not be in store for you two. It will only get more stressful if you decide to add to your brood plus be stepmother to the rest of his children.
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A
female
reader, Beatriceandjohn +, writes (27 May 2012):
Beatriceandjohn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn the household is just me my bf and my baby son, they live with their mum
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female
reader, Beatriceandjohn +, writes (27 May 2012):
Beatriceandjohn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen the kids are with me, it's not that I take a third of the work, I do it all: play with them, help them with their homework, get them dressed, cook their meals... Now that I have a very demanding baby it just takes too much of me. While they are here, he lies down upstairs playing on his iPhone letting me get as stressed out as I want to.
I do like the kids, they are great, but I'm not ready to be my bd's slave...
I have planned things in the past like taking them to the park but always on my own, he just ain't interested...
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (27 May 2012):
 Them kids, as you call them, are your baby's brothers and sisters, and while I can udnerstand you dont want to do all the work when they come to visit, I still think you should be encouraging a healthy relationship between you all, your baby, his father and your baby's siblings.
Explain again to your partner it is not fair for you to have to look after all the children, and that if he pulled his weight more around the house, when all the kids are there and when they are not, you would have more energy to enjoy them when they are visiting.
Plan activities that take you out of the house when they are all there, as long as their father agrees to help supervise and care for them some good times could be had!
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (27 May 2012):
If you two are indeed married then you need to be focusing on all the children left in your care. Your partner is bringing in the income for all these mouths to feed...so that leaves you to keep the children in line. Unless of course the others are at his ex-wife's home.
Perhaps you should talk with your partner in taking on a little bit more responsibility with the children, since it is hard on you to look after that many children. I can understand your need to have time to yourself but if one night is all you get, then you're going to have to make the best of it. Or find a decent babysitter, family member to take the children on another night.
IF you two aren't married, then he shouldn't be leaving his children in your care. They're not your responsibility.
Now if you two plan on getting married, then you're going to have to accept his children.
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