A
female
age
41-50,
*ic 1982
writes:hi my self and my boyfriend used to have a fantastic love life now he dont seem to be inerested and just lies there for me to get him arosed he dont touch me anymore and instead of kissing me i get the odd peck when we have sex its 2 pumps an a squirt but if i give him a hand job it takes ages for him to cum then hell say its not u its me that dont help i dont know wot to do please help am i doing some thing wrong or has he gone off me
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (23 October 2010):
Hi there. If you haven't had any major arguments about anything, then like he says - there must be something on his mind.
You are going to have to talk to him about it.
(1) Is he having any problems at work?
(2) Does he have any physical problems (health issues)?
(3) Is he worried about anything?
(4) Is he feeling depressed?
When he says - "It's not you, it's me", that's the perfect opportunity for you to ask what the problem is.
That's giving you an opening to ask him.
If you do take that cue to ask him about what's bugging him, then he will most likely open up to you about it. You just have to be open and honest.
Sometimes men don't discuss what's bothering them, because they think it's unmanly to share their feelings with anyone, so they try and bury it instead. But then, that just makes them moody and unhappy. It's always best to get your feelings out in the open and to discuss what's happening in the relationship.
Not talking about it eventually causes resentment, and that can be the beginning of the end, as it just poisons you.
When you decide to approach him about it, don't whatever you do, have this talk when you're about to make love. Do your talking at some other time. However, you must have the talk and sooner rather than later.
When you have this talk, don't get angry or upset or be sarcastic or criticize him either. Instead be positive, supportive, stay calm and be loving and respectful, always. That way, you make him feel good about himself and it will have a better outcome generally. The main thing is that he doesn't feel like you are picking on him.
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