A
female
age
36-40,
*ruwrite
writes:I'm 23 years old and I have had literally enough boyfriends to equal my age. Its really depressing because no matter who I date (older or yonger, race, religion, whatever)every guy I've ever dated only looks at me as a fuck buddy. I recently fell for someone who lives in Colorado, he came to stay with me out in California and we had sex (his first time)and the day before he went home he told me that long distance wouldn't work between us; but he felt we should be friends with benefits if anything. It is behavior like this that I have been through almost 22 times since I started dating. Don't get me wrong I'm whore I don't give it up until I feel things are going some where; the problem is every time I think they feel the same things go in the oppossite direction. I've only been with one guy who didn't want to to use me, but ended up hating everything sexual about me. I feel like I am never going to find someone who wants me for more that just sex. Its behavior like this that makes me wonder if I am doomed to never be loved by anyone. So my question for readers out there is this, am I doomed to be a fuck buddy forever or are the men I date the real problem? And if I am not doomed to be one, how can I prevent it?
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friend with benefits, fuck buddy, long distance Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, gumbbo  +, writes (19 February 2009):
Men like to think they have used their special charms to get a woman to sleep with them. We know a lot of the time they want it too, just like to think it's our charm. Don't be easy, that is my first bit of advice. Do not sleep with a man unless you are his actual official girlfriend, what i mean by this is don't just go on even a few dates, wait till there is a bond, even if it's slight then it will mean more. And just be relaxed and not up tight. Loads of women are so uptight about stupid things and sometimes they can embarrass you when they say he's gross, the man will never admit to her that she made him feel this way, but will instead just not call her again, why would a guy call a woman who made him feel bad? I once farted on a 4th date, it wasn't even that loud and i didn't mean to but the girl just went off on one, "errrr that's gross, you stink.." etc. She made such a big deal out of it and really embarrassed me, but i never said anything i just never called her again and she told my friend i was a bastard for not calling her. But what was i supposed to do, ring her and tell her i didn't want to see her again because she was an over the top bitch?I say just chill out with the guy, be cool, and don't be afraid to look silly, be silly it's fun, the worst thing is when a girl is just boring, yeah she can be nice etc, but when it is hard work to be with someone, that's annoying. Then what can you say, "sorry i don't want to see you again because you bore the life out of me?", most of the time we will just make something up so we don't hurt her feeling like, "you're really nice, i really like you, but i think we're probably better as friends" - the usual stuff we say - men and women, when we aren't interested in someone anymore. oh and don't just jump into bed with him, even if he tried to, say "i'm just not ready yet" trust me he will really respect you so much for it and see you as girlfriend material.
A
male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (29 December 2008):
 The advice you have here is sound. If you want someone who values a relationship with you more than a booty call, then demand commitment before you take it into the bedroom. You will earn a lot more respect that way. There are men out there who really do want a committed relationship.
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A
female
reader, truwrite +, writes (29 December 2008):
truwrite is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmy ex hated that I was sexual in any way. Every time we would have sex he wasn't into it; and if I was ever agressive about sex he get mad and say things like 'so if i'm not touching you you don't think I'm into you'. Made me feel horrible.
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A
female
reader, prenezmoila +, writes (29 December 2008):
 It sounds like your outlook on relationships is the true problem, one I've encountered myself. Make sure you distinguish attraction from affection. Being drawn to someone physically is not a good reason to start sleeping with them, really. It's difficult not to give into the smooth talking of charming guys, but force yourself to. In the end, seeing the rotten ones lose interest and walk away will make you feel better. Knowing you can hold out to tell which ones are in it for YOU and not your goods should make you feel more confident in relationships. Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, truwrite +, writes (29 December 2008):
truwrite is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy ex hated the fact that I was sexual at all. Every time I wanted sex he would get mad at me or just plain ignore me.
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A
male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (29 December 2008):
What do you mean "he hated everything sexual about me?"
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