Am I dealing with a serial flirter?

A female age 36-40, *arabovetheclouds writes:

I feel a bit of a fool writing this and posting it here, but I hope I can get this off my chest anonymously. I was unemployed for almost a year and in the last couple of months of being on the dole I met this guy who is probably in his late twenties/early thirties and later became my personal advisor. At first I really liked him as a friend because he was so nice and kind to me (anyone who has been to the job centre can testify that not everyone is nice and helpful!) Anyway it took me a while to realise that he was actually flirting with me. And for a moment I thought that something special could have been there because we were quite similar to each other and we liked the same things but being in that kind of environment every week I found it hard to relax and talk to him as if he was someone in the outside world. I was later enrolled on a course to help me back into work where I met this other woman around the same age as me (22) who had the same experience with him; she had a boyfriend and a family and wasn’t interested. Recently my advisor managed to get me a full time temporary job at my local college which I was so grateful for. A few weeks later another girl from the job centre who is about 18 joined our team too, I get on with her really well and last week she said she thought he was flirting with her too. But again she had a boyfriend and wasn’t interested. I know it sounds like I’m dealing with a serial flirter and since I don’t know that much about him he could quite easily have a partner or a family of his own. But ever since I got this job I can’t stop thinking about him, almost every minute of every day. I miss seeing him every Friday and making me happy for the rest of the week, I’ve even cried a few times over him. The department I have my new job in is also in direct contact with the Job Centre so I keep wishing for him to call or possibly walk through the door. I can’t help but wonder if it’s some sort of trick he uses to make us women feel more comfortable about going to the job centre or if it’s genuine? I’ve never had a boyfriend, just a handful of flings which have never lasted longer than a week, I feel that at 22 I should have found someone by now. I have guys that fancy me but I’m never attracted to them. They have had great personalities which are great but the physical attraction just wasn’t there. I’m so sick and tired of falling for the good looking ones with all the charm and the last guy I fell for like this took me three years to get over. I don’t want to go through the heartache of unrequited love again. What can I do?

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A male reader, Ven  +, writes (19 October 2010):

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