A
female
age
30-35,
*onderlove19
writes:Hi. I'm struggling with something I cant get out of my head. My ex. He wasnt the best thing for me, and the guy I'm with now is amazing, and I love him so much, but my ex is still in my mind constantly. Not in any sexual or relationshippy way though. For some reason, in my whole life, he was the only one I believed when he told me I was beautiful. He flattered me so much and made me feel so good about myself, and to think that he thought I was sexy or gorgeous made me feel so amazing. He was the first guy to ever come out and tell me he fancied me, so I guess its understandable in that respect. But I find myself wishing he would call me or show up at my door, just so I can give him a big hug. Cos I miss him. He's been in my life such a long time and had become I really good friend before he disappeared. I havent heard from him for over a year now. He really messed me up but I dont really care about that anymore. I remember the last thing he said to me. I was working and he came in and told me that he was thinking about people he shouldnt be thinking about, meaning me. Its strange without him coming in and out of my life. Am I crazy? I feel so completely mashed up about this. I know people always think about their first love's, but Im afraid I think about him way too much and I dont want to upset my current boyfriend who i've been with for three years and who im really happy with. Its so complicated. I just really need some outside perspective. Please, if anyopne has any advice, no matter how small, it would be much appreciated. Oh, and I cant get in contact with him because I dont have his number and I've changed my number since I seen him last so even if he wanted to he probably couldnt get through to me either. Its so messed up and my god this is long. Please Help! How do I get over him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): I don't think you are crazy. I met my ex-girlfriend on a blind date 7 years ago. We dated for 2 years, but the relationship fell apart. Prior to her, I dated my fair share of women... then I met her. She changed everything. She is the only woman that literally took my breath away when she open the door. The problem was with me. All of my dating experiences prior to her were quite frankly, "hook ups" or shamefully, "one night stands" etc. Whenever a relationship was going to get serious, I moved on. SO by the time I met her, I had no relationship skills whatsoever. Before I met her, it was all about me and my enjoyment. I truly loved this woman, but I had the faintest idea of how to show my love for her. In the end, the relationship ended. We tried getting back together a few times, but it didn't work. Neither one of us had changed. So its like they say, "If nothing changes, nothing changes."The last time I saw her was in Aug of 2004, the day before I started medical school. That semester, my life fell apart and I failed out of medical school. That in addition to losing the love of my life made everything seem hopeless. But then in Jan of 2005, I saw her for the last time. I tried getting back with her but that didn't work. However, something happened that night that changed my life forever. I admitted to myself out loud that I was an alcoholic. Long story short, I got sober and it changed my life. I learned over the next several years about coping skills and how to identify feelings and to properly express them. While all this was going on, I started dating someone who was terrific. Internal medicine doctor, beautiful and fun. But this relationship had its ups and downs with several breakups. I couldn't stop thinking about my ex girlfriend. I knew the doctor girl was/is a fantastic woman, but we just didn't seem right for each other. So that relationship ended. By the grace of God I got in contact with my ex-girlfriend and emailed her for several months before I ever spoke to her. She didn't want anything to do with me. I know this is getting long, i'm about to finish this up. Long story short (again), I saw my ex-girlfriend last Aug for the first time in 3 1/2 years. I was nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. This time when she opened the door, she ran out and hugged me and gave me a big kiss! We have been dating ever since then. We spent the holidays together for the first time with each others families. We even went on vacation together after Christmas. We are talking marriage... I know in my heart she is my soul mate and I will always love her. I always have. I always will. Lastly, I will be graduating medical school in May 2010. I have no idea why I just told a perfect stranger what was running through my head just now. I should be studying radiology...
A
female
reader, This Kid  +, writes (26 December 2008):
I was in the same situation that the first adviser said. I developed anorexia, and almost ended up in the hospital. (It was in the summer, and I passed out cause I didn't have anything for almost a week. I knew that was the problem, but I just told everyone that it was the heat.) But I would stick to the advice you've already gotten now. Just reading this helps my situation lol. I've dated a guy for a year and 7 months. He was my everything, but he pushed it, and went to far. Well I moved on to this guy I'm with now. And he treats me well... not much better. But I trust him well enough he wont screw me over. And time to time I'd wish that I would have my ex back just one more time just so I can say 'I am loved'. As corny as that sounds it's true. Lol. Well I finally got some advice from one of my newest friends. She asked if I really loved him, or oue relationship. Which what I have to ask to you. For me, my answer was I loved him time to time, but he hurt me when he screwed me over, and i've always loved our relationship. So anyways, some how it ended up coming back to that I should end it so I can start back up again... The right was That's really hard to explain. Lol. But if you have anyway possible to get a honld of him, talk about it. And if you talk to him and feel like you've feel in love with him all over again, try not to.As far as I understand, you're all moved on, and happily in love with some other guy. Yay! And then they're is your ex... That's ok. He's just you'r ex, and he'll always be your friend. But hopefully he wont come in the way of anything that you've got going on between you and you'r surrent bf.I gotta song that reminded me of you too! Haha. It's called 'Wishes', by Superchick. You can youtube it and listen =) I love that song!
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A
female
reader, wonderlove19 +, writes (25 December 2008):
wonderlove19 is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks for the replies girls. they were rele helpful. thing is, its not so much the relationship we had i miss, its the friendly times, the times when we werent going out. Im so in love with the guy im with now and i wanna spend my life with him. He makes me laugh and constantly cares for me and is understanding about how much this guy messed me up. he's the guy i wanna be with. not my ex. its just, my confidence is quite low and for some reason my ex is the only opinion i ever regarded as true, because he was rele picky about girls and the way he complimented me and charmed me made me melt. still does when i think about it! its recking my head because no matter how much i move on in my life, he's still a part of me. towards the end of our, i guess, friendship, he was good to me. he was a nice guy and he told me things about himself that i never knew before. things about him that happened that explains why he was so messed up when we were together. he got himself sorted out and moved on with his life. i know that you cant be friends with an ex, and i dont ever wanna get back with him. but i always have this curiousity inside me, the what if. Im a writer, and in the past five or so years he's been in and out of my life i've written dozens of songs. (writing is my therapy!). i just cant figure out what it is he has over me, and why i cant let go. and i cant meet up with him because if i do i know ill fall back into the same old routine of wanting to impress him and wanting him to like me. is it sad? im such a strong and togther person, but when it comes to him i feel torn apart almost. is there any way to get over him? Or am i stuck with this feeling forever. I saw him about a month ago just walking across the street, he didnt see me, i was in my car with my boyfriend. but my heart dropped into my stomach and i had to catch my breath. it was like somebody had hit me in the stomach or something. he was with another girl too. i want to make it clear though that i love my current boyfriend and he's the one i know i wanna spend my life with. we're best friends, and he's sexy and treats me right and shows me in so many ways how much he loves me. im living with him now. i think it might be the bad guy attraction. i mean, is that weird? To want to be around someone who i know is bad for me? Does that make sense?
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A
female
reader, nokutenda  +, writes (24 December 2008):
the only way you can actually move on is by meting him
that way you will be able to really move on.
don't you have someone you know who has his number or who know his whereabouts?
it also helps to think about the negatives about your ex.
your ex may have said you are sexy and beautiful but he didn't treat you as such,your current guy is doing that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2008): Hi...i know exactly how your feeling, I dated a guy for a year and we broke up end of december 2007. I was completely devasted and my god i would have done anything to have him back, i was in pieces. He had been cheatin on me for a month or so and even after we had broke up he said he just needed space and we would then get back together...were we used to be. I believed him and still met up with him all the time just like girlfriend and boyfriend but the truth was he was still seeing her behind my back. Now what i went through the following 3 months can only be described as horrific the worst time ive ever experienced....i cried myself to sleep each night developed anorexia and landed myself in hospital...thats how much he screwed up my mind...A wile and i met someones else...his best friend. I never meant for it to happen but it just all fell into place....im still with him now and love him with all my heart but the truth is i still wake up every morning and hes the first thing on my mind and my last thought before i go to sleep. I still hope that no matter what happened in the past hed come back to me and things could be just like they were...when he loved me too. I know deep down inside thats never going to happen and all we can do huni is just put the thoughts to the back of our mind as best we can and move on. Everything happens for a reason and if you and ur ex are meant to be together it will all fall into place. But by the sounds of it he treated you quite badly so whos to say if he did come back that you wouldnt be setting yourself up for heartache again? I know its hard believe me but you have got a great man who loves you and believe me thats very rare to find
x L x
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