A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have had a FWB for three years (we've known each other fir 16 years) when we are together we act just like any other couple but if we're at work or out with friends we act as if nothing is going oneven though mist of them know we're sleeping together I'd love for there to be more but his last girlfriend really did a number on him and even now every time it looks like things are going well for him she manages to get back in touch and under his skin I've tried to keep away from him but I can't say no am I crazy to hope there might be more between us or should I cut off all contact
View related questions:
at work, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 April 2013):
 So,he's not aknowledging your relationship and he is keeping it secret ( although not a very well kept secret 9 and if this has been going on since 3 years I doubt is going to change, it means that this way works well for him . But it does notr work for you, and it this situation makes you suffer, it is up to you to disentangle yourself from it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2013): You offer yourself at his convenience. This brings up the old adage, "why buy the cow, if you get the milk for free?"It isn't exactly his fault that you haven't been able to get over him; even when he's in an active relationship with another woman. You have become addicted to him in a sense. The same area of the brain that responds to drug-addiction is the same part of the brain that attracts us to other people. Having him around releases all the feel-good hormones you get from chocolate, a good hug or kiss, a cuddle, or an orgasm.Over the years, he has been a stand-in for what you crave; someone to love you, companionship, and emotional security.Instead, you have settled for whatever you can get. Everything is on his terms and he basically gets all the benefits. Sex on demand, and something extra on the side when he tires of his girlfriend. He is also lacking something in his relationship. Your friendship is merely a supplement, as he continues to seek what it is HE truly wants. Unfortunately, it really isn't you. Your addiction to him has made you believe you are in agreement to this arrangement. In fact, the conflict within you compelled you to seek answers. Thus your post. You've hung on for a long time and your grip is slipping. That's good.You really want more. The important thing is for you to gain enough self-confidence, and to build the self-esteem to find it elsewhere. You've given him more time than he deserves, and he has made no effort to give you "more."His other relationship is lacking something; but that is for him and his current girlfriend to workout. You're not really part of that formula, you're a friend who offers him sex. Your reasoning is desperate and selfish. You are truly worthy of love and someone who fulfills you. No man will ever make you whole; you are already a whole person. Once you realize this, you will let go of your FWB and move on to find what you want for yourself.You must wean yourself of this addiction for this man. You must start seriously seeing other men. You must find ways to rebuild your self-esteem to the degree that you realize that you're wasting the prime years of your life waiting and waiting. Read everything you can get your hands on to regain your emotional freedom. Eat a healthy diet, get exercise. Focus on yourself entirely. Find things to do with your extra time, scheduling him out. Soon he'll become as platonic as all your other friends. At some point you will need to detach from any further contact to allow yourself to heal, and break the addiction once and for all.Desperation makes us do things to hurt ourselves. Physically and emotionally. Your stubbornness to let go isonly symptomatic of your emotional addiction, and relentless desire to have him at any cost. Even if it means forcing him to betray his girlfriend, and cutting yourself off from the possibility of finding love with someone else. He just enjoys having a female friend willing to offer him sex on the side. With no shame. That's the only reason he hasn't let go. You wouldn't let him if he tried.Please find help in every form possible. Release yourself and seek happiness. You are mature enough to know that YOU are solely responsible for your own happiness. Waiting for it to come from other people will be a life-long wait. Only to find out in the end, you wasted years of your life. Missed golden opportunities, and you're secretly lonely all the time.Best of luck to you. Once you read these words, it will sink in. I've been where you are. I'm speaking from the heart.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (29 April 2013):
Have you talked with him about it? If you haven't, you should start there. If he says he's not interested and you can't continue with FWB then leave.
If you like being his FWB but want more, I don't see any reason to leave unless you find someone else.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (29 April 2013):
 Hi
Cut off all contact. He is not giving you what you want, a relationship, he has had 3 years to do so.He gets sex, your not demanding more,he assumes your happy with things.
Sounds like he is still hung up on his Ex anyway or she wouldn't affect him anymore.
Why act like nothings going on between you when in public - who's idea was that? If people know anyway seems like you both want to show your available for relationships regardless. And that *your* open to NSA sex.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2013): there's a chance there might one day be something more, but right now, there obviously isn't. So I guess it's more of do you want to take the risk that you might go down this road and at the end still be alone, and possibly more heartbroken. He still has some sort of feelings for his ex, I really think you should at least back off, see how he reacts.Also, you say when you two are together you act like any other couple... and that most people know you two sleep together... i guess if it were me, i'd be satisfied with that, what exactly is it more that you want? a title? recognition at work for being his lady? a wedding? kids?
...............................
A
male
reader, justsomeoldman +, writes (29 April 2013):
You didn't give us the kind of info that might help us help you decide, but from what you did say, my thought is that you should KEEP HIM.
And tell him that you'd like to be more than sex-partners, that you want to be close in other ways, not only in bed.
From your remarks, it sounds like the two of you talk. So TALK to him, work on your relationship with him.
...............................
|
