A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey,I met a girl 3 years ago at a bar in which she happened to be a singer,her voice spoke to me,it was beautiful I used my contacts and got her work at a higher end place..we eventually started talking and then dating..her career graph is reaching sky high and I'm happy for her,but I'm an alcoholic!I don't know when and how alcohol became my priority!and I feel I'm ruining my girlfriends life,half the time she's upset looking at me,or taking care of me,she misses her work just to take care of me!I decided to quit alcohol going to AA meetings so that my girlfriend can focus on work!but it dint work and I got back to drinking again!I ruined a party my girlfriend was been honored at,I got into a brawl and when my girlfriend tried to stop me,I accidentaly pushed her aside and she got hurt,I asked her to leave me after this,cuz I can't keep hurting her,but she doesn't want to,she says she'l quit work to help me get out of my problem,she'l do anything but leave me!I just feel I'm bad influence on her,she says I was with her when she was nothing and now when she has everything it means nothing to her if I'm not with her..what do I do?I think breaking up with her is the best way out!?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 May 2013):
 I think I may be the only one who can actually related OP
I live with an active alcoholic. I married him knowing he was such. We have plans in place for when he gets to angry drunk.
I am ashamed of myself for being so weak as to love an active addict. I have shut down socially and I do not see my friends any more because of his horrible behavior.
He knows he's got a problem and yet like you is not ready to give up his crutch for whatever reasons. I will not leave him but if he came to me and said he wanted to leave as hard as it would be for me I'd probably let him go because the truth is living with an active alcoholic, even one you love is painful in many ways not just physically.
Detoxing from alcohol is very very VERY difficult. And sticking to recovery is very very hard. Much harder than giving up meth or heroin as you can't walk into a bar and watch everyone shooting up or snorting in front of you and you do nothing but drink an iced tea or club soda and feel left out...
Everyone here is so caviler and tells you... grow up and quit drinking... how many of the other posters are in recovery, with a recovered addict or alcoholic or live with one who is active? It's all well and good to spout what should be done.... it's a totally different issue to live it.
She will not leave him.
He's obviously not ready to get sober (and to be honest until HE is ready to do it FOR HIMSELF, nothing will work)
if the only thing you can think to do at this point to protect her is leave her, you should do it.
you may find that being a drunk (my husband says "I'm a drunk alcoholics go to meetings") without her is more painful than being sober with her.
Get yourself to the bottom of the barrel. Get yourself into the gutter emotionally and mentally so that YOU are READY to be sober for YOURSELF. IF leaving the woman you love does this for you... make it so.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2013): Why not try the RIGHT thing instead of the easy thing? You have enough brain cells left to realize what your drinking is doing to your girlfriend, but you don't have enough sense to realize what your drinking is doing to your life in general. So, you dump this girl and keep doing what is sabotaging your life in the first place...that makes a lot of sense...but in the mind of an alcoholic, I suppose it does make sense.I realize being an alcoholic will be with you forever, and it's an extremely difficult day to day struggle to get sober and to stay sober, but when you are ready to do it and you can confront what drinking does to you, realize the people you surround yourself with associated with drinking need to be cut off, and the people around you who have to deal with you, and make it a lifestyle change, you will do it.There is something in this girl that you are not seeing, if she is willing to deal with you...don't take it for granted. Give her something to be proud of. If this girl is the one, you will grow up, take care of yourself and get cleaned up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2013): You know the answer to your own question already. Breaking up with her is just an excuse you are using to justify your continued addiction. QUIT NOW. Not tomorrow, NOW! Cold turkey it. Don't finish the alcohol you have in your house, dump it all down the drain. Prevent yourself from buying anything. Don't carry cash, cards, checks, anything. You will always be tempted to buy a quick drink, don't give yourself the opportunity. Pack all your lunches, and have your girlfriend shop for you. Tell all your drinking friends that for the next 90 days, you can't hang out with them. Trust me, it will hurt because you can't be with them, but it will help. I had to quit porn. I was extremely addicted to it. I know how hard it is to quit something when you have an addiction. Anything that reminds you of alcohol has to go. I had to lose my computer and internet connection. You will have to lose places that you hang out at and friends that drag you down, at least. Don't give up your chance at happiness with the perfect girl over an addiction like alcohol. You can stop drinking. She is much more important than that.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 April 2013):
Yes, break up with this amazing woman and drink yourself to death. Great idea. How about you stop fu¢king around and do the right thing? Why would you lose this girl instead of working on the real problem? Is it easy? Of course not. But many people with a lot less to lose than you have done it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2013): ...........why would you break up with her? the problem isn't her, it isn't your relationship, it isn't even just you, it's the drinking. STOP the drinking. AA didn't work? WHY didn't it work? don't be such a pushover, if you really want to quit, take the steps and do it.right now it sounds like you just don't want to be with her. and if that's not true, then do what you have to do to be with her. quit the drinking.this post made me giggle a little, i'm sorry, because in love people often say cliche stuff like "i'd die for you" "i'd catch a bullet for you" "with out you i'd die, i'd be nothing" I don't know...you can think up more. all these overly romantic things we say we'd do for the one we lovebut the reality is that some of us *wink wink nod nod nudge nudge hint hint* profess to be in love, but when it comes down to it won't even do a thing like man up and find a therapy/rehab program so we can quit killing ourselves/ruining lives with alcohol
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A
male
reader, Spacekrust  +, writes (29 April 2013):
Go to rehab,you have an angel at your side. Don't drink if you can't control yourself,practise some sport and live an healthy life. If you are drinking it means you miss sth in your life,face your demons,nobody ever solved his problems with alcohol
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (29 April 2013):
Why don't you grow up, quit drinking, and actually love yourself and your girl for once? That sounds like the best way out to me. I'm not an alcoholic so I can't begin to understand what an addiction is like, but at the end of the day it is an addiction. I know for a fact it is possible to quit. Get yourself back to rehab and see a therapist of something as well. Seems like you don't even know your alcoholic limits.
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