A
male
age
30-35,
*.A.S.
writes:Hey there Dear Cupid, im here for my third and probably final time. This issue is about me and my mental state more and my worry, I also need your intelligent thoughts on whats going on.As of two months ago my girlfriend and I broke up. Her parents made us split up. We are both madly in love with eachother and continued seeing eachother despite the parents several times.However as of two weeks ago we hung out one last time, this time nothing happened we just hung out and had a BLAST no pressure. However over the weekend she just randomly stopped talking to me despite talking to others.When I confronted her over the phone to meet up and discuss us she seemed like a different person. She yelled at me like she yelled at her Ex Boyfriend (Who she appearently hates alot). She treated me like shit when in all honesty I gave her the world. I sacrificed alot for her happiness and I stuck by her through the tough spots, not to mention we have known eachother since kids.So after confronting her on why she was ignoring me I kept my distance. And I have been, she messaged me on facebook after her brother being worried had asked what happened to us. Somehow she got it in her head that I was doing something wrong.She told me to "Fuck off, I dont need this right now, just please stop! Dont you dare come to my house either! Just please stop, do what I ask"This was out of the blue, as her Brother had simply asked what was going on because she seemed different the past month (Depressed I assume) and that she was acting strange. I simply said we were not together and I had some things of hers.Now the past two weeks I've seen her do some strange things that seem very uncharacteristic of her.On Facebook she has accepted an Event Invitation to her Ex Boyfriends Hockey House Party. Her Ex had the nerve to say to her a month ago "Im going to make your life a living hell", as well as stalk her and emotinally abuse her throughout there relationship. Why would she be doing this with her ex?Also shes been hanging out with the "Clubbing Scene People", shes never been the type to go clubbing but now she has gone on several nights. These people do hard drugs (She would not do them) but it just worries me.In a nutshell, her family is in a tough spot right now and her Grandpa who shes close to is dying. She also has MAJOR Self Esteem issues, she will change drastically just to fit in, she belives she isnt beautiful (Even though she is).So my questions to you DearCupid is...Whats the deal with the Ex Boyfriend? Why Is She Still Involving herself with him?Why is she treating me like shit when I was always there for her...especially when I've done nothing wrong and i've known her for so long?Lastly my question is, im worried shes going down a terrible road that will wind up with her getting hurt, over the past few weeks its been hard for me to watch her do this. Is there anything I can do at all? Its hard to see someone you love do stupid things like this.Thanks DearCupid for your patience in this entire relationship, I appreciate the suggestions. If you've seen this before and your rolling your eyes at this then im sorry but this is important to me!Cheers!
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acne, broke up, clubbing, drugs, facebook, her ex, self esteem, split up Reply to this Question
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male
reader, B.A.S. +, writes (27 January 2011):
B.A.S. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeh she hasnt really "Hung out" with him. This weekend will be the first time they have seen eachother besides him stalking her.
One more thing, would it be a good idea for me to delete her and her best friend off of my facebook? We have many mutual friends but I remember she told me she keeps looking at my Facebook to see what I am up to.
I know I said I want to be there for her but will this end up making her think Im breaking that promise? Will this make her miss me and realize what shes missing?
I dont want to send the wrong message.
A
male
reader, B.A.S. +, writes (26 January 2011):
B.A.S. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks both of you for the quick replies.Her parents dont want us being together because she tried smoking weed when I was around. Her parents got mad at her when she went out to see me and exchange our christmas presents but she stood up for herself and said "Im still going to be his friend regardless". So it was fine that she was my friend apparently but I guess they dont approve of her being with me.Also I did have issues with her Ex while her and I were dating. She has constantly done this circle with him. She'll talk to him for a week because he has a tough family life (REligious and Parental Problems) I sympathize with him there but hes let it consume him to the point of being an asshole to everyone.However after a week of talking to him, he'll try to get her back which pushes her away and ends up with her not talking to him and then telling me, "Im done with him im blocking his number" but you guessed it she never does and then a few weeks later its the same old thing.When I finally told her this was hurting me she eventually did it but then he threatened her with the whole "Ruin your life" thing and started coming to where she works and I guess now there hanging out? As for catching up with old friends the thing is. She isnt really friends with her Ex's Friends. When it came to them being in a relationship he rarely let her out and he would never go out to meet her friends.Her friends besides her best friend from elementary and some sports friends are all she has. The rest are all my friends who she doesnt choose to hang out with now. Lastly im pretty worried about losing this Woman not just being with her but being her friend. I always liked being the one she could come to and trust and just feel safe around. Im worried that she may just dissapear from my life if I dont do something you understand what I mean?But thanks again, I guess this is the time in my life where I just have to suck it up and watch her learn her lessons.
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A
female
reader, MaryB  +, writes (25 January 2011):
I'm truely sorry you are going through all this & I'm sure it is very frustrating to sit back & watch someone you care for being so destructive. Unfortunately, there is not a whole lot you can do about it at this point- the more you pressure her the farther she will run so my advice would be to step back for a bit & let her live her own life the way she sees fit. Sounds like she is very confused & it also, appears that she is easily influenced by her surroundings. As far as her ex goes, I'm a little leary about the fact that she claimed she hated him but, now she is hanging with him again. I know you may not want to hear this but, sometimes when you claim to hate someone it is because you still have feelings for that person & are still emotional about what they have done to you. Otherwise, she would be indifferent to him & not put any effort into claiming her dislike for him- there is a thin line between love & hate. If he has done her wrong in the past he will do it again & I would hope that eventually she will realize that. If you make a big deal about her spending time with him I'm afraid that will only push her towards him, not away so let her figure this out for her self.
As far as hanging out with the partying scene- this may be a way to distract herself from all the pain in her life (her grandfather) & possibly her parents constantly nagging at her. You never stated why her parents had a problem with you two being together but, if they are still at her about it that may be the reason why she is treating you like that. She may not know how else to handle the situation. My advice would be for you to give her time to straighten her life around which means for you to back off-maybe if you are not in her life for a while she will come to realize what she is missing out on. It sounds like you are a loving & caring person & I'm sure in due time she will realize that for herself. Be strong-things will get better.
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