A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Answers from guys will be appreciated.I met a guy who was separated from his wife, but still living in the same house as they got along pretty well and saw no reason to rock the financial boat by running separate households. We saw each other for about 10 months, but when his wife found out that he had a girlfriend who he was in love with, she went ballistic and told him to move out. She also said she would consider a full reconciliation of their married life, (this is after 10 years of 'separation'), if he promised never to contact me again, other than to send me a text message telling me it was over, (a weird message which didn't sound like him at all, and I suspect he was under supervision when he sent it). He'd told me he adored me, and I could tell he meant it. We definitely had that 'special' connection. But then, when his wife gave him this ultimatum he dropped me without even so much as a kiss goodbye. We had a couple of confused emails between us and one very nasty phone conversation where I said horrible things about his wife. Am I crazy or is there something weird about this situation?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): news flash - he is WITH HIS WIFE because he wants to be. simple. no fuss,\.no drama. the drama only starts if you make it an issue. same old married man syndrome. "oh, i don't love my wife, i am not having sex with her., i am only staying bec of the kids." buss sh!t. the married man stays because he wants ro. he chooses to end it with his mistress. they just use their wives as an excuse.
when will mistresses and wives realise that the other is not their enemy. the real enemy is the loving hb/married man, who wouldn't hurt a fly. the stories are all the same, don't believe the lying cheating *astard.
A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters  +, writes (19 September 2009):
 tell him to man up.
He needs to end it with her and start over with you.
If he doesn't have the stones to do that, he's not worth your time.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): This guys sounds like he is a player, and not terribly good at it. What do you not know scares me more than what you do know...check out his background - intelius is a service that will get you the info you need to see what's what...
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y +, writes (18 September 2009):
 I agree with the other girls, he does sound like he's a player. But, in saying that...I have a male friend who separated from his wife after twenty two years of marriage, to be with a woman who was "the woman of his dreams". He ended up going back to his wife because of guilt, feelings of obligation, worry about what people thought of him, etc. Fifteen years later they divorced anyway. He's 64 now, and he still thinks about the other woman every day, but the chances of him finding her are zip and she probably married someone else anyway. I would just try to forget about him and get on with your life, and if he does contact you again, I think you should always bear in mind that he had no thought for your feelings when he behaved the way he did, and the 'horrible things' you said about his wife should have been directed at him. Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, busy04 +, writes (18 September 2009):
 Wow the aunts are right concerning this. He's using you, lying to you & he isn't leaving his wife. A few things to add to what they already stated:
Separated means separated, you don't live like you're still happily married when you're separated. That should have been sign #1 to you. I've been there, done that, so I know.
Meeting his kids means absolutely nothing, regardless to if they were fine with you or not. What it means on HIS part is that he has very little to no respect toward his family, I would not have let my kids (grown up, teens or toddlers) meet my outside "woman" period (no pun intended & no disrespect to you). And the fact that he's had other girlfriends only means that he is out enjoying himself & having fun being a cheater & liar...plain & simple. At your age range, one would think you would have come to know such things in your years. It is a known fact that majority of the men that step out of their marriages do not plan nor intend to be with the "woman on the side". Forgive me if I sound rude and too blunt about this situation.
I think that you should call it quits, leave it alone, learn from this situation and not get involved in something like this again. You deserve someone that is fully committed to you and not to anyone else. Don't settle for second best, allow yourself to be put FIRST. Don't settle for anything less!
Best wishes!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): Who knows, the result is the same, he isn't leaving her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): So, the fact that he'd had various other girlfriends during that ten years, and that his grown up kids had met me and were fine with me, etc, still meant that he was actually happily married? Now I'm even more confused.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): I agree with Satin Desire, he lied to you, he wasn't seperated with his wife.....and he used the bad economy to put the idea into your head of the plausability of staying in the same house for financial reasons.
His wife found out, he doesn't want to get divorced, for "financial reasons" and all the rest.
You got suckered, next time, choose a man who is not married, period, seperated or what ever, if he is married, it is not the time to start anything at all with him.
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