A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This may be long winded but your help would be appreciated!!I was seeing a girl for 4 years, we had a long distance realtionship but still saw each other evry weekend and spoke every night.We had broken up a few times due to the distance but we were very good together.I was her first sexual partner, she did not get loads from sex but she was always very emotional as a person anyway, she was a s tunning size 6 and always worried about her weight, she had a boob job as she was not happy with ther chest, she was basically a very worried individual, - the joke is, she is the most gorgeous girl in the world!!She joined the police force late last year, we had had a few months apart and in October, we got back together, we had a great few months until she finished her training and started as a full time copper in March, within 7 weeks we broke up, although we never cheated on each other, she started seeing her trainer from the police force within 3ish weeks of us breaking up, she always had curiousity sexually and I understood that, I had been with 6 other girls before her and she did never let me forget it either!!After about 5 weeks, I also met someone new, it all seems great but over the last few weeks I have really come to miss my ex, there is no way in this world that I wish to hurt my new girlfrind but I have too strong feelings for my ex.In this time I have bought my own home too, I spoke to my ex for about the fourth time since the break up the other night, she apologised for neglecting me sexually and burst into tears, her new bloke, has not shown any sexual afection to her for 7 weeks by all accounts, she is putting in all of the effort and he does not seem to bothered about her, I think she really likes him if I'm honest, I am still in contact with her parents, her mum does not particularly like him either.I am consdiering asking her to move the 120 miles up to me, leave her job and boyfriend and move in with me, - mad I know but I truely think she is realising that sex is not the be all and end all, the grass certaily doen not seem greener for her.There is one last thing too, she rarely told me she loves me, in fact, barely ever over the four years, I put this down to her emotional ways, - and believe me, - there are plenty of those, mood swings etc, even her grandparents said I was mad for staying with her!! I Love this girl so so much and she made me feel so happy, I know this is complicated but what should I do.I am not a cheater nor do I want to hurt my current girlfrind who is also lovely, I just think about my ex all the time, I dream about her and I just don't know what to do.Not that it really matters but her parents really liked me and would be happy for us to settle down.She is a career minded girl but in my opinion, is by no means strong enough emotionally to be a copper.Help!!What do I do???Thankyou
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (8 October 2007):
 I understand your concern. I read this and what came to my mind was "Mr. Fix it" You said she doesn't have the strength to be a police woman? Is that your opinion or is that her opinion?
Now it's OK to ask her, but what I want you to keep in mind when you do is, It's OK for her to say no. Remember your not her. Your beliefs are not hers. What you'd like her to do, may not be what she would like to do herself. Keep in mind, all though it sounds as if she has some self esteem issues, she still deserves a chance to accomplish her dreams and go in the direction she feels she needs to go. Her dreams may not include moving in with someone and settling down. That's for her to decide, and I want you to keep your mind open to yes she might and no she might not, and that doesn't mean if she says no that down the road her situation may change where she might take you up on it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): this is a tough one but i'd say break up with your current girl friend as you clearly dont want to hurt her and your heart isn't with her. tell your ex how you feel although there is a risk of rejection she could feel the exact same way you do, and as you said the grass isn't always greener too many people find that out to late. you sound like a genuinley nice guy and if she has stayed in contact with you she must still share some feelings. although i would leave out the part saying she is to emotion to be old bill!
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