A
female
age
41-50,
*licka23
writes:Hello dear friends,I am facing a dilemma right now and I don't know what to do. At my workplace, there is an affair going on between a male driver and a female officer both married.Everytime I tried to talk to her, she justified her act, she says that she has a violent husband and she fell in love with this man and she is convinced that between them it's a great love story. In my opinion this man is with her not because he loves her but he loves to cheat his wife and he just got another opportunity to cheat on her. It's not the first time that he is cheating his wife, I know that he also had an affair with another girl in the last Ministry he was working. When he shifted to the ministry I am working, he is now having another affair with this woman. The problem is that I know his wife and the thing that most disgust me is that the man's wife was pregnant when they started to have their affair and his mistress even goes to his place under the cover of his great friend. I feel that by remaining silent I am covering them and also participating indirectly in their sin. I feel that his wife deserves to know that the woman who pretends to be his husband's friend and whom she welcomes in her home is in fact the mistress of her husband. And I also believe that it's high time for cheaters like her husband to pay their consequences of their act, they cannot go on cheating their wife like that, someone must have the courage to do something. But I don't know how to tell his wife and whether I should tell her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): Please don't get involved you will become a target, even if its anonomous You will feel guilty. Let it all unravel on it's own because it will eventually.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009): I can't believe people are saying Don't Tell! Heaven forbid, if my husband was cheating, I would want to know IMMEDIATELY. I like the anonymous letter approach that you have a CONCERN and the SIGNS you've seen personally. The truth and nothing but the truth.God works through people, and if you feel a conviction, then HE is prodding you to tell this poor woman. This man doesn't belong in Ministry for sure.Please end this humilation for her.To all the posters who say don't get involved. Would you like to be living a lie?, or would you appreciate a decent person caring enough to tell you in order to MOVE on with your life: either with marriage counseling, OR a divorce and be with a man that only loves and wants to be with you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009): I would tell her, these people who tell you to stay out of it are wrong. What kind of friend would allow that to happen to them. What do you think she will feel if she finds out and she also finds out that you have always known the truth and basically you covered for this scum.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009): You are entitled to your opinion of their behavior. But you are not God! Do you really want to be the one to destroy these peoples lives? Let God handle it, or do you think he is not capable of dealing with it?????
Stay out of it and let it all unfold the way it is supposed to! It's all in the plan! God knew when these people were born that this would happen...then again he also might have known that a nosey co-worker would but in and cause pain and misery for everyone!
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female
reader, didda123  +, writes (22 February 2009):
 What you don't know can't hurt you please keep out of it. It is not your concern it is only curtain twitching and you are going to hurt her beyond belief and she certainly won't think of you as a friend!
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A
male
reader, Luaris  +, writes (22 February 2009):
 Definitely tell her. Id say in an anonymous letter that way the point gets across and you dont get in anything crazy. P.S. If you do tell her please post what happens Im kinda interested.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2009): PLEASE do tell her. And if you can, send some pictures of them together so she can use it as proof for divorce. I wish someone would tell me if my husband is seen doing all this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2009): well i have read mixed reviews,where is the simon cowel of love afairs??Well i dont care what your background is i just think you see this as wrong.I agree with you. Lets think? If i found a woman coming to my home as a business friend of my husband pretending to be a friend i would find that totally disgusting.I think she should be told,but how is the best question isnt it?Think about a way this could be done. She needs to know, you need to not be the enemy,think it through.good luck your uk friend.
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female
reader, DeadPoetsHonor  +, writes (21 February 2009):
I think if I was being cheated on I'd want someone to tell me... I know it's hard to say things like that to people but I think It's for the best...
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male
reader, Dalmatian +, writes (21 February 2009):
Please mind your own business! If you tell you will belabeled the one that caused destruction all around. You also will have to work around that man who will detestyou and cause trouble for you. There is the possiblity thatthe pregnant woman will not be surprised since this hashappened in the past and will stay with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2009): I am a woman who had an abusive,a moron for a husband.
I refused to give up on my relationship not for the security or the protection that it could give my kids.I loved him and I vowed to make it work coz the love never really went away.I was smart.I went about it differently.I asked my friends for advice and most of them wanted me to leave him as they love me(no doubts about it).
I knew he was the love of my life.I could never love any other guy the way I love him.I did not want to give up.I wanted to work things out for myself.I changed my weaknesses with out expecting him to change.Surprise of surprises he changed all for the good.Good ones become bad and bad ones become good.
I didn't want to have five sets of children from five different boy friends by the time I finished my life.Each to their own.My patience paid off and things are really looking up for me.I could have dumped him and I would have missed what a nice guy he has become.
When a husband and wife are having problems(how ever bad they are),its better for a third person to keep out of it.Make it or break it,its their decision.Lies or truth its no one else's business but their own.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2009): Ask yourself what you hope to accomplish by telling this woman that her husband is a cheater? You say that cheaters need to stop and the participants need to face the consequences. You think this will happen if only the wife really knew what was going on because without you telling her, she's clueless and he gets away with everything. Most likely, even if this was brought to her attention, chances are, he would apologize, swear it would never happen again and then carry on cheating, maybe not with the current woman but with another one down the line and cover his tracks better. He could even flat out deny it and she, being pregnant and vulnerable, will choose the word of her husband over any others even faced with the most damning evidence.If you were the one to tell her, not only could she feel publicly humiliated (if you know and it's that blatant, so do others) so she will not only face the shame of her husband's actions but also the betrayal and a sense of public humiliation. Instead of being angry at her husband, that anger may be directed to the person (you) who changed her cozy reality to a more brutal one. Once again, her husband will bend over backward either denying it or apologizing or maybe spin the situation to saying how you've always been jealous of their relationship. The consistent outcome here is that the wife is going to be the one that is dished out the most pain and right now she's pregnant so this can have an impact on her unborn child. I believe the wife has chosen to not have a clue over his affairs and is more comfortable not acknowledging her intuition or the reality of her marriage. People acknowledge things and start asking questions when they are emotionally ready. When she is ready to see her husband for what he is, a cheater, then she will have to make the decision to either leave him or stay with him knowing her marriage is a lie and you'd be surprised how many women are willing to live a lie for security and the protection of their children. It's not your job as a friend to force this. If you really believe that you can remain unattached to the outcome of this situation and feel so strongly that she needs to know, then I would approach the husband and let him know that if he doesn't come clean within a month or so that you will tell the wife. This gives him time to break off the affair or arrange counseling where the wife can be told in a way where she gets the support she needs from a professional. I think the best way to handle this would be to remain supportive of your friend and when that time comes, if it ever does, where she expresses suspicions about her husband or asks questions of you about his behavior, then you can be honest in your answers. Instead of focusing on justice, I would pray for her awareness and that whichever friend she turns to for guidance will be as honest and true as you would be.
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A
female
reader, didda123 +, writes (21 February 2009):
Keep out of it it has nothing to do with you!
It is possible that this sitation may just blow over if it is allowed to continue but by you being involved you could escalate it out of proportion.
Even though you know his wife it is their concern and he will pay the consequences eventually, they have a baby on the way and he may come to his senses but if you get involved you will jeapodise everything. You have done your bit by bringing it to their attention but i don't think you should worry about other peoples problems any longer.
Why do you have such a strong opinion it seems that you may have been in the same position perhaps.
It is their dilemma leave them to it is my advice.
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (21 February 2009):
 sometimes its hard to stay out of someone elss business when you know the people involved, your bias towards the wife and want her to be ok - thing is it isnt your place to say anything to either of them or his wife - no matter what your morals are saying anything will just split up the marriage, possibly, split up the affair, possibly, leave destruction all around, possibly - maybe the wife knows and refuses to accept it because sometimes denial wotks - you just dont know what goes on behind closed doors are you really should tread carefully if you feel that strongly that you're going to get yourself involved.xxx
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