A
female
age
36-40,
*llie-chan
writes:Dear fellow readers, I'm 24 years old and am well aware that at my age I should be confident in my youth to find dates but adult enough to have relationships. Well, I haven't had a serious relationship for over 4 years, and that wasn't such a significant one either. Between that and now, I have dated a few times but nothing has ever come of it. There's really two parts to my problems. I have many friends, and those who I'm very close to say I'm a great person and shouldn't feel like there's anything wrong with me, and I honestly believe that I'm a funny, caring person who's got lots of different things to share with someone out there. But no one ever seems interested in me. So I feel I'm either so boring to men that no one ever flirts with me, or that I'm missing the signals entirely. This first problem is compounded by my second. When I've ever had sex I've been in extreme pain. I'm not just talking first time, but every attempt since, despite my sex drive being through the roof at the time, etc. I've felt embarrassed and completely isolated by it, as I've had to stop the poor guy. I've even put myself through a lot of pain just so I could feel like I was pleasing him, which I know can't be a good thing. This then effects me when I meet any nice new guy. I think, "would he laugh at me and accuse me of being weak, or just carry on if I said stop". The last man I trusted after a few great dates, suggested a love hotel (I live in Japan where its normal for people to go there rather than each other's apartments), but for me, the first time I have sex with someone, I would have to be in surroundings I know, or feel more homely. Sorry for the long explination. I guess my quesetion is, am I completely hopeless?
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flirt, sex drive Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ellie-chan +, writes (15 March 2009):
ellie-chan is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for replying to my worries, I really appreciate it.
I'll be going to see a specialist soon so fingers crossed its nothing too serious. I knew before now that I should have gone but I guess I was too worried - I tend to have unbelievable amounts of bad luck and fate is against me - but let me reassure you I remain a positive person who's otherwise well-adjusted. Haha.
So, fingers crossed the doc can give me some good advice on how to make sex bearable and hopefully enjoyable.
A
male
reader, maxi_enigma  +, writes (8 March 2009):
 first of all consult a doctor as soon as possible and see if your sex problem can be fixed, which i m sure can be done.so if ur sex drive becomes fine,i dont think u vl have any problem with ur relations.u will gain ur confidence back and u can date guys n finally find your soul mate. best of luck ~
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A
female
reader, michele21  +, writes (8 March 2009):
 yeah if its causing you that much pain to where you need to tell them to stop i would suggest seeing a doctor as well.....have many time have you had sex? have they all been big guys?? i mean thats more and likely uncommon but you never know....i would just get it checked out by a doctor before you persuaded anyone else in a sexual way just to be sure there is physically nothing wrong with you
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (8 March 2009):
 In my opinion, you need to consult a gyno to determine the problem. The situation you described is not usual.
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