A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Am I cheating on my boyfriend!! I downloaded tinder to relook at my old profile which he knew about and I used it for a couple of days and got chatting to one Man for a while. Little thing or anything but i dont any feeling toward him ! But now I feel bad i have talked to another man ! My boyfriend and I are going through a rough patch anyway.He isn't giving affection towards me and I'm not feeling wanted !Which is making me feel down and I have just started a new job too this week and doesn't seem interested in what I am doing . But i love my boyfriend as we have been in a 3 year relationship and have known each other longer ! But tonight I was on my phone while he was driving and he saw tinder on my phone and mentioned it. Then he went quiet, but I honestly thought I had deleted the app, but now I'm stressing out about it. I'm thinking to my self stupid things like if he knows what I've done! But i do truly love my boyfriend but i may not show it ! ?And sorry bad writing I just can't get my head straight Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (28 April 2017):
 Well, the question is - if this were your boyfriend chatting up another girl on Tinder behind your back, would you accept his justification of a "rough patch", or would you feel like he was being disloyal to you and to your relationship??
Because you *are* being very disloyal in both the actions of chatting up another guy on a dating site AND lying to your boyfriend about it. You are emotionally cheating, definitely betraying your boyfriend's trust, and you're now a liar to the guy you say you love.
What you've done to your "rough patch" is essentially put out the fire with gasoline. NEVER EVER go rushing for another man's attention when things get rough. That makes you a flake. It's better to talk things out with your boyfriend, and if things aren't working out, then break up with him and THEN go talk to other guys the honorable way. You never ever hedge your bets by staying with a guy while shopping for his replacement. That's all kinds of wrong, and only morally bankrupt cheaters do it. You already recognize that you're on that path, so you can STOP immediately and save yourself from crossing into that territory. You already know that what you're doing is all sorts of wrong, and it's not fair to him, and it isn't fair to any guy you pretend to be available with. If I were single, and I was dating, and I found out that the guy I was talking to was in a relationship that was going through a "rough patch", I'd tell him not to talk to me anymore until he was single, as I don't date cheaters.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 April 2017):
 You've not cheated, but you have entered the gray area and you yourself don't approve of this behavior. So you should stop. Decide if you want to be with your boyfriend or not, before you start to seek affection and attention elsewhere.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2017): How would you feel if your bloke was going on there ....and why would you need to go check your own profile?? That makes no sense and then to chat to someone ?? You was looking for attention ...are you sure you want the relatownship your in ?? You had no real reason to go on a site really
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (26 April 2017):
 Have you tried communicating with your boyfriend? How could he possibly know how you feel without you telling him?
Delete tinder and dont use it anymore.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2017): Only you know the extent that you were 'cheating.' But to an outsider, accessing Tinder and chatting with someone might give the impression you're looking.
If you chatted with this guy and had an interest, then that's not good. If you had no interest, then you haven't cheated. Close your Tinder for good and walk away, you don't need it!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (26 April 2017):
 You need to concentrate your attention and efforts on improving your relationship with your boyfriend rather than chatting to other men and then stressing about it.
"But i love my boyfriend as we have been in a 3 year relationship and have known each other longer !" - this is no reason to love someone. You are young. If your relationship has run its course, it is not fair to hang onto what is no longer there.
Talk to your boyfriend. Tell him what you have told us - that you feel like he is not interested in your life any more and does not support you. Tell him what you need from this relationship, then ask him what HE needs. If you cannot provide each other's needs, end it cleanly and move on.
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