A
female
age
30-35,
*rueLoveWaits2016
writes:I had been talking to this guy for almost 2 weeks and we went on 3 dates. Up until now he has been extremely attentive, the dates were great and I actually walked into the 1st date expecting nothing to come of it. There has been 0 sex involved, so that is out of the picture, plus he hasn’t asked. After yesterday’s date, he never responded to the text that I was home (he asked me to text him) and he barely texted when I initiated a text. I asked him if he was free any time this week and he said he was too busy due to a test (he is taking an intensive course) and said maybe this weekend. He has initiated almost everything and has paid for all the dates.I plan on doing absolutely nothing and will write him off if he never initiates anything else. I will not contact him unless he does so 1st. In my experience being busy has never lead to anything good. Lately I have become a lot more critical of excuses men have made after being played quite a bit. So weird though because he was talking about doing future things w/me and even called me the girl he was dating. What is your take? In the past I have let guys get away w/so much and I always end up getting left out in the dark. Personally I didn't think squeezing me in for a coffee/lunch date 30 min isn’t demanding, idk maybe just me. He never texted me after I said no to the cuddling and I ended up blocking him.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2017): I've tried online dating and recieved the same treatment from women, as you say, can the prospective date really not find 30mins for a coffee?
Maybe he is telling the truth. If so, he'll get back to you. Don't be afraid to try to initiate, but don't place too much on it. Invest as much time as you feel happy to. If you think it's better to cut ties now, then do that- but don't get hung up over it.
Both women and men play these games in online dating, it's rife. If it bothers you that much, just don't do it, find another way of meeting people.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2017): First-off, men can not be categorized and pigeon-holed into all being players; because of a few unsuccessful online dates.
Online-dating gives everyone a lot of options; so like kids in a candy shop, everyone has big eyes and wants to sample everything they see. Then when they get it, the novelty wears off quickly. You have to expect that. Sometimes dating doesn't lead to relationships, and sometimes things are said out of politeness; or spur of the moment. Wait for the actions to back them up.
I guess you have to keep your feelings on reserve, and take it one day at a time. If someone goes quiet or ghosts you; you don't allow that to make you mean or bitter. You grow a thicker skin. Ditch him and move on.
Expect flakiness as a part of online dating. Do not judge all mankind by a few random dudes you've met on a dating site. They are single just like you are, and everyone is looking for something; but not exactly sure what it is they're looking for. You may have some mental-prototype or a list of specific criteria; but human beings are too unpredictable to live-up to their profiles.
You can carry on a warm conversation with a random passenger on a train or plane. Have a nice chat with a stranger on a bar stool. That doesn't lead to a love-connection or a relationship. Some people you meet online are great conversationalists, fun; but not much else. You're two strangers giving it a go. It's a hit or a miss. People don't take rejection well. So cowards usually handle thinks like dicks; or people are too nice, and mislead you.
Neither gender should be stigmatized in a negative way, based on unsuccessful dates! That's why you have a large selection pool to choose from.
If you can't seem to find time for each other. Red-flag!
If he goes silent for several days without contact. Red-flag!
If he never makes any moves romantically or doesn't try to initiate so much as a kiss after a few dates. Red-flag!
If all of the above!!! Abort mission and retreat!!! He's already dead in the water!
Learn not to hang on every word a guy you hardly knows says. A few extra dates only means he likes dating you; or he has a lot of time on his hands. Life and work do step-in; and everyone doesn't live by the same schedule or move to the same rhythm.
Hold back your feelings until you're moving at the same pace and you're consistently on the same page.
If you never synchronize and connect as a couple; move according to your own guidelines and play by your own rules. Dump him and move on. No need to get bitter or over-extend yourself. If he's a good guy, that won't be necessary.
Finding a match isn't supposed to be easy. Dating is for the purpose of meeting people, trying to determine if there's any chemistry, and letting nature take its course. It's a process of selection; so there will be rejects and near-misses. That's single-life; and patience is required until the right match comes along. Don't be easily discouraged.
You don't have to let guys get-away with anything. In-fact, that goes two-ways. Everybody has to give or take. It's easier to find faults in others than to see our own. Don't let them get you down. It's just as difficult for guys as it is for you.
Chill, or you'll have to take a break from online dating until you're resilient enough to bounce-back without being easily discouraged or becoming embittered. The cynicism will surface in your attitude involuntarily. The potential "right-guy" could be put-off by it. Disappointment comes with the territory.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 April 2017):
 My advice?
Stop investing more than you get back. If he writes a 3-word text, you reply with 3 words as well.
If he takes 5 hours to answer, take 5 hours to reply.
If he never initiates texting or calling, don't waste any time being the one to ALWAYS initiate.
And try not to make the presumption that HE is your next bf after only 2 weeks. Just take it one day/date at a time.
I don't think it's "playing games" to not give more than you "get" in the beginning. And I would advise keeping the texting to a minimum and TALK on the phone instead. Much better way to get to know one another and of course in person.
If a guy is SO "busy" with his life/career maybe dating isn't something he really has time for and you need to consider that.
But it's all besides the point, you BLOCKED the dude so move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2017): I was totally with you when you said you weren't going to initiate anything until he does. Right I thought 'I agree', then you lost me when you said about saying no to cuddling. What cuddling? Have you left a bit out?
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