A
female
age
36-40,
*uprstrkorrin
writes:Ok... I am at a crossroads in my relationship. My girlfriend and I have been together for about 18 months. But we have known each other for over 2.5 years. When we met, we were both in relationships, and began as friends. We BOTH cheated on our partners at the time, my girlfriend and her boyfriend, but didn't become an official couple for about 6 months after that. She broke up with her boyfriend, my girlfriend left me on Valentine's Day for someone else. I came out of a very serious relationship and she did not. Before we got together, I told her the type of person I was in a relationship and she said she was ready to be in that kind of serious relationship. It started off rocky, which should have been my first clue. She had inappropriate conversations with males and females, and was still talking to her ex. I stated THEN that it was a problem, with the random people and her ex-boyfriend. She apologized and corrected it with everyone else but her ex. Here we are now, 18 months later, and she's still talking to him and another girl. And would even visit him when she went home. She blocks me from her facebook stuff and keeps a password on her phone, but expects me to trust her. What's even worse, I tried to be the the bigger person and compromise and say she could talk to her ex every now and then but just don't visit him. She agreed, but went BEHIND MY BACK and told him about the compromise but that she wasn't gonna follow it. She even gave my best friend advice to stop talking to her ex when her girlfriend had a problem with it. When I confronted her about it, she told me that she is going to talk to whoever she wants. She said I can either get over it or leave. I really really love her, planned to build my life and family with her, and even though I'm so hurt, it kills me to think about not being with her. But she is un-phased by my feelings and my decision about to stay or go. Am I just blinded by love, or just stupid, or should I really hold on? HELP!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): You know what is going on. You know it is wrong, and yes you are blinded by love. Compromise is important to you and she can't respect you enough to even do that. It's going to be hard, but it is in your best interest to leave. You're hurting and your heart is hurting. You need to let her go. It is not worth it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): She might love you, But not as much as she loves herself. And if she would cheat on her ex with you, then what would stop her from cheating on you with her ex? Or anyone else for that matter. People change and she might in time. But one has to ask how long will that take? If it ever happens. You say you "really really" love her. What you have to ask yourself is....
Is it all worth it? Do i want to stick it out and see what will happen? Or do i want to cut my losses and move on to someone who will treat me with the same love and respect as i treat them? Being blinded by love is a hard thing But i think it's harder to put up with that kind of "I'm more important" additude. But i dont think you are stupid.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2010): that is probably what hers and your ex felt when you guys were cheating and playing games serious relationship cheating is not consider serious. Anyways maybe her ex is getting a little sweet revenge, I would not participate in this game I would let her go. I hope you learn from this experience it hurts when you are in the other people shoes cause now you feel cheated. Sooner or later it might happen to her too (I believe in Karma).
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 April 2010):
You're blinded. Get rid of her ASAP.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2010): You're definitely blided by love, I've experienced similar issues myself and it's so horrible. Yes you love her, but she isn't treating you with the respect you deserve and isn't paying any interest in your feelings.
You care for her alot more than she cares for you. She isn't good for you and I think deep down you know it but are being naive to it because you love her.
She was speaking inappropriate to females too? So she's not completely straight? What sort of inappropriate things was she saying? Obviously only you know how bad it was so I can't really say weather or not you should stay with her. But if these things were sexual then this means she was verbally cheating on you from the start. Plus you say she's been 'visiting' her ex which is NOT right in so many ways in my opinion. How do you know she hasn't been physically cheating on you?
I don't think she's right for you at all and you seem like a very nice guy and deserve better than someone doing so. Obviously only you can make a decision on what to do so I guess you're going to have to choose your head or your heart. (Nobody really know's which one is better, still) In most cases people normaly choose the heart. Your call anyway.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, Tasmanian devil +, writes (1 April 2010):
 You are blinded by love, but is this the person you want to get serious with, she has no consideration of your feelings and lies to you. Why would she block her own bf from facebook, unless there was something to hide, maybe you should re-evaluate your relationship you seem to be doing more for her than she is for you and its not meant to be like that.
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