A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Am i being unreasonable when I question my partner on why I haven't met his parents.It has started to really bother me.Wee have a good relationship, been on holiday together, he's good with my kid ect. I think I keep myself reasonably well. I have a good job house ect. I haven't been in bother or anything so I don't know why he wouldn't let me meet them. Wee have been together for 2 years and due to location I guess it been easier he's met just about everyone in my life. I have met a few of his friends but never his parents. There is a 17 age gap between us but never felt it being a problem could that be a reason, he's older than me? They live quite a bit away but he goes over to visit and says they know of me but in 2 years not once I have ever met them. Wee don't live together so even when they travel through I don't go round, and never been invited too. It just makes me question how serious he actually is about me. Surely if you were really happy you would want your family to know who you are happy with at least a hello and a cuppa tea. Face to name kinda thing at the very least.Don't know why it hurts but it does bother me and I have tried telling him and he just says the visits are very formal and that's it. As a mum myself when my kids grow up I'd like to know who my kids partners were.Should I just leave it alone or see it as a red flag which I sort of am now.
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female
reader, Tinacandida  +, writes (10 August 2021):
 Could be hes embarrased about them, his upbringing . Might be a reason why he doesnt live too close to them. They dont sound a close loving family to me. It could be a good thing to not pursue it.
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (10 August 2021):
 If you had said you has only been with him a couple of months i would have said its still quite early on in the relationship and he is holding back to see if this relationship turns into something serious, but two years of not meeting his family is a long time.
During this time big occasions have come and gone, Christmas, Birthdays etc, what happens during these times, does he spend time with them without you?.
He is seventeen years older than you, so he is potentially in his 50's. His parents are at least in there mid 70's, one of his parents might be poorly, maybe he has had some failed relationships that have impacted on their lives. Who knows the reason why, but i think that communication is the key here, just ask him why.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2021): You've introduced him to your child and family. Your kid! That's as trusting as you can get!
It is well past the appropriate time that he has introduced you to his parents, and family. You should pointedly insist on knowing why he has delayed?
I suspect he is ashamed of them, or the conditions that they're living in. If your family is more financially-secure or prosperous; he might be somewhat ashamed of his background. That's usually the case. If they live impoverished, or have an untidy home; he's probably too embarrassed for you to see what conditions they live in. If they are drunks, or somewhat on the crude side; he'll hold-off for as long as he can getaway with it.
I think it's time you must insist. Two years is too long.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 August 2021):
 I think if his parents live close enough for a visit, and they have already heard about you - it is really weird that you haven't been introduced after 2 years.
It could have been done over Skype if the Pandemic was the excuse.
However, it could be that it's NOT you that is the issue but he is embarrassed by his parents and/or their living conditions? That, however, goes out the window as you say they have visited HIM and you weren't invited over to meet them or to all go out for a dinner (which would be kinda normal).
Are you really sure they know about you?
Are they strictly religious?
Have you mentioned that YOU would really like to meet them next time they visit?
I would sit him down and ask him about this. Because it does seem a bit odd. I'd do it without accusing him just bring up that you find it a little strange that you haven't met them yet, while he has met your family and friends.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2021): Maybe his parents are in a care home and visitors might need authorization as a relative.
It's quite possible that they don't have their full faculties either so I wouldn't jump to exclusion that He doesn't want you to know about them and vice versa.
Some people with dementia have trouble recognizing their sons or daughters so visits can be painful.
Ask him if this is the case?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (9 August 2021):
 YOU see this as a red flag, therefore it IS a red flag, regardless of what anyone else thinks.
The fact that you have met some of his friends would seem to indicate that he has no big secrets to hide. However, after two years together, you would expect to have at least briefly met his parents, especially if they come over to visit him.
Does your partner come from a different culture? Is it possible his parents will not approve of the fact there is a child involved in this relationship? While the age gap between you may not be an issue for you or his friends, he may feel awkward about it with his parents. Given your partner's age, his parent will probably be at least in their 70s so will probably have a very different way of looking at things than you do. Perhaps your partner does not envisage a long term future with you? Or perhaps there is bad history between him and his parents with regard to previous relationships. There could be a myriad of reasons why he is reluctant to introduce you to his parents. If he IS from a different culture, perhaps it is expected of him to find a partner from the same culture?
As this is important to you, you need to sit him down and ask some direct questions, such as "How would your parents feel about my child?" and "Do you think your parents will disapprove of the age gap?" Sometimes direct questions are the only way to get a clue about what is going on.
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