A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok sorry but this sorta has to be a bit long winded :)I am 21, almost 22, and my girlfriend of a year and a half has just turned 20.When we first got together she was working at a bakery so early starts and all that, she had something to fill her time with. But she recently quit her job because she wasn't happy with it, which is fine and I support her in doing what'll make her happy.I'm a truck driver who works 10-14 hours every day, and am usually a bit tired and grumpy at the end of the day admittedly but so would anyone be after that.Now, for money reasons I still live at home, and my room is very small and cramped. We only have a king single bed. I see my gf pretty much every day. A lot of the time now she stays here during the day so as soon as I get home she's here. After work I dont have any energy so we usually eat what she wants and watch what she wants. There is no room in the bed and I sometimes sleep badly and am tired for work the next day.I know you expect them to be there if you pretty much live with the person but being restricted to one room together all the time can get to you.Here in an Australian summer it gets really hot...I love the air con blaring and she gets cold easily...Now I'm sorry but if you're cold put on a jumper or something...if I'm sweating then I can't take much off that'll help. Opposite goes in winter but I deal with it.Now I don't wanna seem like a whinger but last week I asked my gf if she could stay at her mum's place (where she 'technically' lives) from Monday to Thursday and I'd see her from Friday onwards.I told her I'm just feeling a bit claustrophobic in here together all the time, and just need a few nights where I can come home and just have some space and time to myself and do what I enjoy.I told her I still love her so much and it's not that I don't wanna see HER, I just dont' wanna see anyone for a little bit so I can enjoy my own company for a change.I understand that she doesn't work for the time being and she is probably bored and enjoys seeing me when I come home, but this has got to be a 2 way thing without smothering me or being too clingy.Am I being unreasonable to want 4 nights to myself in this fashion? I told her we would talk every day as I enjoy talking to her. But she went home for 1 night and the second when we were talking asked if she could come back tomorrow because she 'has a haircut halfway to my place and it's a waste to go that far and then go back home'. And now she's mad that I still want space to myself (after 1 night)What can I do here, I feel I've been as nice as I can be with this. Like I said I just need some alone time in my own room to watch movies and sleep comfortably with the air con on.HELP!?!?!
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male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (1 February 2011):
 Have you thought about making two nights of EVERY week as set "time apart" nights? Say monday and thursday every week...
You're talking about having 4 nights of space, but I'm not sure if you mean just for this week or as a regular thing. Four nights every week might be torture for her, but two nights spread out might be a good compromise.
At the end of the day- no, I don't think you're being unreasonable... If you need some space, then you need some space... its as simple as that. Think about this, what's the first thing a claustrophobic person wants to do when in a small, confined space? They want to get the hell out!! She needs to know that its in both of your best interests that you both get some personal space. Her to not be so clingy/reliant on your everyday company whilst you to simply relax and do/watch what YOU wanna.
You need to be strong and make sure there's an agreement from her. Compromise if you have to, but once you've come to an agreement- don't bend at all. That's my thoughts anyhoo.
Good-luck bro
A
female
reader, Tylluan  +, writes (1 February 2011):
 You are not being unreasonable! But you are both very young and haven't accumulated much experience in relationships. There is a lot of compromise needed in a healthy relationship and I'm afraid your girlfriend doesn't understand this concept. You deserve some rest, I understand that because my partner used to be a truck driver. But your girlfriend isn't hearing that, she hears rejection and she has convinced herself that you don't want her anymore.
I don't think you will resolve this situation until you have your own place. Make some plans and re assure her you want her in your future. She'll get a job she likes soon enough and then she won't be so bored. Good luck!
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