A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I have been with my husband for two years. He moved into the house that I own from proceeds of a settlement from a previous relationship that produced children.. he came with basically nothing just a good wage. Since we were married my mortgage has gone up by $40K. some spent on our lifestyle but $9000.00 spent on his family. My house is in a trust which was set up before I met my husband. If I were to die first, my husband believes he should be able to stay in the house that my children would inherit until he dies or wants to move. I dont think my children should have to wait for their inheritance and suggested that a period of time be put on how long he could stay in their house. He felt this was unreasonable, am I?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo Anonymous. I dont think you read my question properly. I am not talking about living off the proceeds of my house in my old age I'm talking about whatever is left of my money when I die. I it beleive should go to my kids, particularly if I got hit by a bus tomorrow. If there is anything left over if I die at ripe old age who do you think it should be left to? If I left it to my husband, when he dies it would go to his kids - now that wouldnt be right. I note your argument about multi millionaires not leaving their kids anything but itrust me they wont be set up for the rest of their lives. If they were our children I would think diferently but they're not.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2008): if your new husband had moved into a social housing with your name on the tenancy he would be given 4 days to vacte the property and remove your belongings thats life (in the uk ) as the property came from a settlement from the birth father of your children it is not wrong or selfish to leave them the house, i have left everything i own to my son and my partner who came to me with nothing will leave with nothing upon my death, i dont feel any responsibility to providing for him, knowing my son can have some financial security after im gone and can nolonger be ther to give love and support is a great comfort to me. xx
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female
reader, bluntasaspoon  +, writes (4 September 2008):
 ouch! if u guys are having problems and he is not listening to and going into the i dont belong here speech, i think that maybe he has totally changed since u got married? if so then tell him straight. it's your house and u will do with it what u want to. if he tries to talk u down and u dont like what he says then maybe he has just married u for the rewards? i dont mean to be harsh but it sounds like he may be a bit of a gold digger? i can only hope that u see him for what he really is and do what u think is besthope this helps luv bluntasaspoon x
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female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (21 August 2008):
 I think you remind me of my mum, and she is never mercenary either. She is a wonderful caring person, and she slept on her sofa for 3 yrs so she could rent all her bedrooms out to save enough to buy her council house to leave to her kids. Why would she hand it over to a bloke?
Thats not mercenary, thats loving your family.
You do what you feel is right for your children. They will stand by you whatever you choose, probably the same as me and my bro and sis would our mum, because we dont want her house, we want her. But i can completely see where you're coming from, and if i owned this house i am in, i would want it left to my kids too.
C xxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008): No youre not being unreasonable. Does he love you or the house?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo Anoymous who thinks I'm mercenary. I brought my kids into this world... I am responsible for them they will be my babies until they are old and have their own grandkids.I dont want to see my husband homeless but it is my kids house. Likewise if he had any assets prior to our relationship they would be his kids assets. I like the time frame where he can stay and maybe 1 year is too short and maybe a cash payment of some sort. we have lots of other issues in our marriage which makes me stronger in my resolve that I protect the my assets for my kids. Now its a matter of getting him to listen and discuss what is fair without going into his "I dont belong here" speech.
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reader, bluntasaspoon +, writes (20 August 2008):
i think that he is being unreasonabl in asking that of u but at the same time i feel that u may be being a bit harsh as well. when u die u dont want your husband to be left out on the street's. how about your children get to decide what to do with the property and maybe u should also give your husband some sort of guarantee within the will that he will not become homeless if u die b4 him? i'm sure that if u talked to your children they wouldnt mind.
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reader, hlskitten +, writes (20 August 2008):
This is very similar a situation to what my mum was in. She met a guy when she was mid 50's in age. They ended up selling their places and buying cash a place together. But she put in 2/3 he put 1/3
Now i dont know how they have done it, and we are in the Uk so will be different, but mum has had it legally done so that if she dies before him, he has to sell the house and we kids get our money. I hate it when she talks about it, but she has always maintained she bought her house in the first place so she had something to leave her children, and she wasn't having anyone change that.
He had to agree to it, or they didn't buy a place together basically.
C xxxxx
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female
reader, babewithbrains +, writes (20 August 2008):
 How old are the sprogs? If they are minors, and something happens, then, I would advise your children stay in your house with your hubby. However, once they are 18+ then you could leave it up to them. You can always leave money to your husband, but he won't have student debts etc to take care of.
Are you worrid you might kick the bucket anytime soon? If not then i would recomend waiting til your offspring are old ennough to understand, then explain to them wehat you are doing.
Jelly
xxx
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (20 August 2008):
 Would you want to see your husband out on the streets if something happened to you?? If not then you make a will that divides the proceeds. By all means leave the majority to your children but could you leave him enough to put a deposit on a decent property that he can then pay the mortgage himself?? Make sure you get a will as he may be entitled to the lot if you dont x
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reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (20 August 2008):
Well it depends if he's paying into the mortgage or not.
From his point of view he needs to plan for his future. He doesn't have a place of his own, he won't be able to get a mortgage when he's in his 60's or 70's and wants to know that he is not risking being thrown out on the street just by staying in a relationship with you. He doesn't want to have to choose between you and a house.
If he is paying into the mortgage then he owns part of your house. You should put in the will that he gets a 10 or 20 percent share of it. That way your kids still have 80 or 90 percent of it and when you get hit by a bus they can negotiate with him about whether he stays and they wait or whether they all sell up and he has to find a new place with his share.
If he is not paying in or if it's only a small amount then I suggest you say that you will pay all the mortgage payments by your self (and pay back anything he's put in) and help him find a house to invest in as a buy to let. That way he will have a nest egg to move into / sell and buy a new place when the time comes.
You can't just want him to live with you if it means he's risking terrible financial hardship in his later years.
You don't say how old your kids are but I am guessing they are old enough that you all could sit down and talk about this and reach an agreement with them as well.
Good Luck!! xx
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