A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my wife of 9yrs about 5yrs ago and met a lady on the internet. My ex wife made my life very difficult especially concerning contacts with the 3 children whose ages range from 5 to 10yrs. My girlfriend was very supportive and I do not know how I would have survived the stress of the divorce without her. The problem is that we live 70miles apart and none of us is willing to move that far because of our respective children and work. Her children live with her. We therefore have been having weekend relationship for 4 years. We did agree to move to the middle, but a year later, she changed her mind because of the potential disruption to her children. I am now getting tired of not been able to live together with her and wonder whether I am wasting my time. When we first made contact, I expressed my view of the distance being a problem, she persuaded me that she is flexible and that her children been older (over 16) doesn't need her at home that much. Now she sometimes gets upset about me not moving to her location. Am I being tricked and therefore wasting my time or should I stick it out hoping to get a solution? I have now learnt that she will say anything no matter how untrue to make her wish happen. This is the negative side of her. On the positive side, her personalities are great and I doubt it if I would ever meet someone that I will gel with like her. We both wanted each other but to be within reach of the children.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2007): I don't know how you can resolve this issue unless you make it an either/or situation. Either you and she move to the 'middle' or this relationship is not going to fly. It sounds like she's gotten way too comfortable with the part-time weekend relationship as it sits right now, but you are not happy. So therefore, you both are no longer 'on the same page'. Without very specific plans to be together, there really isn't anything to look forward to, is there? So if one of you cannot sacrifice and take the risk to be with the other person...then it will not work. For a long-distance romance to evolve into a healthy, lasting relationship, both people will most definitely have to live in the same place, eventually. A 'big move' should be made, either way, usually at around the one year mark of meeting the person. Some couples do it sooner. It's a huge risk but that is the only way to know if you are indeed, compatible and can sustain your love. She's not willing to take the risk-but you are willing to go to the next step to living together. If she is having doubts about moving..period..then the only solution is...you move to her or move on to a relationship that better suits your needs. Good luck in making your decision. It's a tough one. Take care, hun.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (19 June 2007):
 You say: " I doubt it if I would ever meet someone that I will gel with like her."
That beleif is based on fear. Nothing more. The bottom line is that you can not have what you want with her. So your choice is either, change what you want, or find someone new.
Dude, if she will say things that are untrue just to keep you around, it means you are dating a liar. What would you say to someone that told you that?
Start looking for someone new. She does not want you enough.
-FBK
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A
female
reader, drbroz  +, writes (19 June 2007):
 Don't give up your children. Hers live with her and she has the most flexibility. Of course, you know that your ex may move anytime, which would make things even worse.
Divorce is difficult with young children. I feel sorry for you, you are making the right choice, though.
Perhaps it's time that the two of you take a little break from the relationship. It sounds as though you could use some "sorting out time".
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (19 June 2007):
 Wow! This is tough. I dont think she is necessarily trying to purposely trick you. I doubt that she has set out to trick you into falling in love with her to make you move close to her. I think, more likely that she intended to be flexable, but found later that she was deceiving HERSELF and that she really didnt want to move. This is a very frustrating situation for both of you.
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