A
female
age
41-50,
*ighting_my_age
writes:I have a guy friend that I've known for about 3 years. We are both in our mid-twenties, so I feel kind of funny asking a dating question. I've had boyfriends before....anyway.In the past year, he has been the only guy I go out with on dates. We go on sporadic dates, maybe once or twice a month, maybe more. All of our friends have been pushing us to date for over a year. Here's the problem: I would like to be his girlfriend, but I get tired of waiting for him to have the talk with me. I'm completely traditional and want him to pursue me. I won't change that. I know he's very interested in me. He's always putting his arm around me, calling me during his lunch breaks, asking me to hang out every night. He even plans on taking me to meet his parents. Everything seems serious, from an outside view and many people already think we've been in a relationship for a while.How do I nudge him a little bit to deepen our relationship without being too pushy. We've been in this confusing state for over a year. I'm tired of just being his friend, but I'm way too shy to say something like, "Why am I not your girlfriend?"
View related questions:
shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, fighting_my_age +, writes (28 August 2008):
fighting_my_age is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your responses so far. Here are my thoughts:We both know that we want to wait until marriage to have sex, so this isn't a good indicator of a relationship. I'm having dinner with him tonight, so I will bring up points from both of your answers. I will mention that we act as a couple, what does he see us as...something like that.Thank you!
A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (28 August 2008):
 Ummmmm. It sounds to me as if you two ARE in a relationship. Not every guy feels the need to sit down and formally state "We are dating now", some just start doing it. He may have felt that the first time he asked you out you began 'dating'. The fact that he always calls you, asks you out, wants you to meet his parents all sure sound like dating to me! You say that everyone assumes you have been in a relationship for awhile. I have the feeling that he does, too. Do you guys kiss, etc?
...............................
A
female
reader, starismine1 +, writes (28 August 2008):
 I assume by your question that you only havae a friendship relationship with him and nothing sexually intimate? If you are just friends and never have had any sex, it signifies to me that he just sees you as a friend but your relationship has the potential to go further. If you are friends with the benefits of sex, then that makes things tougher because usually guys who date women just for casual sex and friendship don't ever want more than that. I would definitely take the plunge and be more forward about what you want, be more sexual with him if you want sexual intimacy (if that never happened yet), tell him how you feel about him and ask him how he feels about you. You need to really know where his head is at with the relationship and how he truly feels about you, and then tell him what you want in a relationship with a man and find out if that is something he wants with you. I wouldn't talk in terms of "If you don't see me as your girlfriend I cant' keep being your friend" don't talk in ultimatums or pressure him to change things or else. Speak your truth from your heart about your needs and desires. You can never go wrong when you say, "this is how I feel, and this is what I want for myself for my life, hopefully with you". I know you are afraid doing this will end your friendship, but remember this: all endings are a new wonderful beginning with someone who will fulfill you the way you deserve to be fulfilled.
...............................
|
