A
female
age
36-40,
*xherochickxx
writes:I feel so unappreciated by my boyfriend sometimes. My question is am i being to needy or am i validated to feel this way. I do everything for him, we live together i do the cleaning, dishes, laundry,ect. we work at a farm together and i even have to get him up in the a.m. or be left doing everything by myself. he never gets up and feeds the horses and lets me sleep in and if i try to make him be more responsible it wont get done. I am always trying to spice up our love life and buy outfits and such but if hes not in the mood its a big no! He never initiates anything its always up to me and then he turns around and says that im never in the mood when i have never ever said no to him. Dont get me wrong he tells me how much he loves me and i tell him all the time to do something special for me because i feel unappreciated and he never does. i do love him more than anything. he does work hard once hes up but so do i. i just want to be special for him to do something nice for me but that never happens even though i give him surprises all the time. how do i get through to him? I tell him flat out do something nice for me! and he still doesnt? am i being too sensitive? please im so frustrated help me!
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female
reader, Confused and lonely +, writes (21 November 2008):
To me, It does not sound like you are being too needy. I think you have done great in telling him directly that you need something. So many times people dont voice their needs and think that the other person should read their minds. Maybe he does not understand the intensity at which you need to feel appreciated. I would maybe try to tell him what the consequences of things continuing as they are (whatever those consequences may be such as you leaving, falling out of love, growing a bitter resentment) and tell him exactly what you would like from him, such as, I would like you to thank me when I cook a meal for you or whatever it is. Maybe you could talk to him about both of you guys making a list of things you need from each other and putting it on the fridge. Every day both of you could look at it and make sure to try to do some of those things everyday. I hope something that I have said helps. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2008): Well I am a guy and I can kind of relate to this. I admit I'm not always appreciative of my girlfriend. In fact I sometimes act like ur boyfriend although I think I do a bit more work around the house than he does. But still I think im borderline becoming kind of like ur boyfriend. Although I know I treat my girlfriend a litlle bit better but just a little bit. I try really hard but sometimes I am just oblivious to her needs. Thats probably the way ur boyfriend is. He is just probably oblivious.
But then again he also probably doesn't entirely know what you are going through. I suggest really talking to him and even stop doing all the work. Stop doing the dishes for a bit and tell him to help you out. Sometimes we guys just need a bit of a push in the right direction.
But you have to have a serious tslk with him and make sure he knows what you are going through. Tell him that you can't do all the work by yourself and that he needs to help out. Also tell him everything you mentioned to us.
He won't be perfect all the time but hopefully he will begin to realize that he needs to be more attentive and aware of your needs.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2008): Totally valid, in my opinion. I had the same sort of situation...
This will sound so silly, but if it's possible, walk around completely naked when its only you two. Or like when you do dishes..
And/Or tell him you shouldn't have to work for his affections, and you're hungry for it!
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A
female
reader, LittleHelper16 +, writes (21 November 2008):
 I think your feelings are tottally valid. I mean your bending over backwards for him and he's just laying there doing nothing for you! thats so not right. Realtionships are supposed to be equal and you both are supposed to do things for one another! Tell him that. Maybe even sayif yoi don't change then I'm going to leave. if this continues maybe you should leave let him see what it's like without you maybe he will appericate you more then and if not go out there and find someone that will .
I hope I helped a bit
I wish you the best of luck :)
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