A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why do i get jealous so easily?. I must admit, i am an insecure person. Recently, this woman came up to my boyfriend, and, without saying anything to him, she gave him a hug and he hugged her back, but then she went away from him. I don't know how he knows her, but i sort of know her, as she used to like my uncle, and wanted to go out with him. From some things my uncle told me about her, i dont like the sound of her. I knew my boyfriend knew her though, as he mentioned her name. And a couple of nights ago, my boyfriend and I bumped into his sister while we were out having a drink. She was with some female friends, and it felt like he was talking more to his sister and her friends than me. When they were leaving, he kissed one of his sister's friends on her hand, and this got me annoyed. I only got annoyed at him after they left, and he said "it's just my sister's friend" and he mentioned how she had been at his sister's wedding, and he said i can be too moody with him sometimes. We made up afterwards, and i even stayed over at his place that night. Do i have any reason to worry, or could he have just done those things to be friendly? I personally wouldn't kiss or hug someone unless i fancied them, but i know men and women act differently sometimes. I think what worried me is that he only kissed one of her friends on the hand, and not all of them, so it made me wonder why she was the one who's hand he kissed. I think what made me angry as well is that he did it in front of me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2011): Thanks for your replies.actually he is 49 years old.i know that's a big age gap but i like him.maybe people in his generation act differently in some ways,i'm not sure ?.i'm trying not to let it worry me but its been on my mind.maybe he wouldnt have done that infront of me if he fancied her though,and,after we argued,he did ask me to stay over at his place.he only had two relationships before he met me,so it doesnt seem like he's a sleaze but then again i havent known him very long.
A
female
reader, littleBB  +, writes (3 May 2011):
I have always had a problem with allowing my boyfriends to hug or otherwise touch other women. It felt unconfortable to me, because according to my standards, physical contact should only happen in close relationships. The degree of physical contact that is acceptable for someone in a relationship, depends on socio-cultural facts that are hard to define, but if his closeness to other women bothers you, you should trust your gut instincts. My personal view on physical touch with members of the opposit sex might be a little strict, I don't allow friends to touch me and I don't want my significant one to be touched by other women, a hand shake and kiss on the cheek (like the french like to do)from someone they know very very well might pass but not more than that. It's not about jealousy. It is about boundaries. too often those so called friendly touch become something else and lead to affairs. That at least is my experience.If you feel unconfortable about the attention he dedicates to other women you should point it out and discuss it with him, if he is insecure and he needs other women's attention to feel validated you might have a problem. Just ask him how he would feel if you were overly friendly to some male friend or acquantace of yours.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2011): When I was in my young twenties, I had a boyfriend who acted the same way. He had lots of friends that were girls, would hug other girls in front of me, etc. Whenever I expressed my insecurity to him about this, he would make me feel the same way your boyfriend is making you feel: that you don't have a right to feel that way and that you are moody. I started seeing a councilor during our relationship to help me with some depression issues. The councilor made it known to me that I had EVERY RIGHT to feel the way I was feeling about my boyfriend; it is not okay for a guy in a relationship to hug, kiss, or flirt with girls in front of you. Don't let this guy make you feel that you are wrong to feel the way you do. I would try talking to him about it again; try to speak camly and practically. Let him know how you feel and that you don't appreciate him flirting with other girls in front of you. If he calls you moody, doensn't take you seriously, or repeats the same behavior, I would seriously think about dumping him. By him not acknowledging your feelings, he is not respecting you as his girlfriend. And believe me, this behavior will continue if you don't put your foot down now. In fact, it will probably get worse. I'm not trying to tell you what to do here; this is your relationship and you should do what feels right to you. I just know through personal experience that life is too short to be unhappy; if I could have gone back and done things differently, I would have dumped my ex a lot sooner than I did. Eventually, his behavior turned into full blown cheating. So, I hope things get better for you. I am assuming that since you are in your young twenties, your boyfriend is also around that age rage. Keep in mind that guys in their early twenties/late teens are usually not very faithful and are not the best boyfriends. Hope my response helps!
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A
female
reader, matureflowerx +, writes (3 May 2011):
 I understand why you would be annoyed about this as I would be too. But the way I see it is if there was anything going on or if he fancied her he wouldn't have behaved that way in front of you (unless he is an insensitive sleaze and only you know that)
Try not to let it bother you but maybe let him know calmly that you don't like it and would appreciate if he didn't behave like that anymore. Ask him how he would feel if it was you hugging and kissing other men then maybe he will understand better.
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