A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I want to know if he really loves me, or if hes taking advantage of me...or both if that's an optioni don't know how to write this out because there's a lot i could say, so I'm just going to describe our typical day starting from when he gets off workI drive 30mins from my house to pick him up and take him to his apartment (hes got a little job that supports him comfortably but he doesn't have a car yet)when we get there he usually changes and sits in his recliner and ill rub his feet for a little while (he used to ask me to all the time so now i just do it because i do not mind)next ill sit with him while he plays video games or watches tv or gets on the computer for a good 5 hrs or so, he likes for me to hold him While he does these things. when ever he is hungry or thirsty I'll bring him what he wants unless we decide to go out in that case aside from the first two dates I went out with him I always pay for myself because I am more comfortable that way. I have payed his way when he would come short financially for the month more than a few times, I even do his laundry sometimes while he is watching tv or playing video games or whatever. After he finishes playing we will go lay down together, we have been active for about 3 months now. ill usually lay with him for about an hr or so before I go home because we do not live together.he has told me before that I make his life a lot easier. I'm not surprised because I drive him places all the time, I massage his back I rub his feet I sleep with him, I help him out when he is short on cash. I'm really sweet to him. I love him.but lately I've been feeling like he takes advantage of me, he tells me he loves me all the time but those are beginning to feel like they are nothing but words. I really love him, how do I know if he actually loves me or if he is just saying he does because he wants me to continue caring for him the way I do.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 January 2011):
 I read this and at first I thought it was a fake post. But I am afraid it's true instead.
Do you really sit with him for 5 hours while he is playing video games or fiddling with his computer ???
Why ?? What about you ? What about actually him keeping YOU company, talking , taking you out, doing things together that you BOTH like ?...If you just sit or lay there ,holding him and rubbing him and giving him food, while he minds his own business....well, that's the kind of interaction that you have with your infant baby , or toddler , not with your bf !
What about YOU? Do you have a life ? Or is your life all about playing geisha to this big baby , with his little job and his recliner and his video games ...( btw, aren't you bored senseless already of this routine ?)
You ask if he is taking advantage of you. I'd say :yes of course,- and at the same time, I have to say " not really ". Because apparently you are not only accepting, but encouraging him to act this way !No way he could pull this stints with another girl, - but you actually seem to LIKE being his nanny/chaffeur/au pair , so why should he refuse such a sweet deal.
As for knowing if he really loves you, or just loves the comfort you provide, there is an easy way to find out- stop providing this comfort. Stop picking him up from work, millions of people use public transportation, it won't kill him. Stop washing his underwear, let laundromats do some business. Don't stay there for hours and watch him play video games, tell him, ok, when you have unwinded a couple of hours with your games , I'll meet you outside ( bar, mall, park, whatever ) at such and such time.
Etc.etc. If he really loves you, he will adjust and will understand your need to live like a normal couple , with focus on the needs of both parties. If he does not, once the perks are gone, so he will be too.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): People who want something and have someone who is willing to give it to them are able to be sweet and accepting. I can say "thank you" for whatever, but it's easy to not mean it.
I'd say if you're DOING literally everything for him and all he does in return is say "thank you," he's not having to put in any effort to get everything he wants.
Again, actions speak louder than words.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question........I don't know, I mean, he is sweet in accepting, he usually thanks me sweetly for the things I do and does not make me do them, I just do because I want to.
I'm just confused :( it's complicated
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): It sounds like you do everything for him. You are his chauffeur, his masseuse, his maid, his chef, his blanket, his sex toy. In this description of your day together, you don't mention a single thing he does for you except say "I love you." Well, actions speak louder than words. Anyone can mutter those three words, but only someone who really loves someone can SHOW it. He isn't showing it.
So, he does nothing for you, you do everything for him. I have to ask, what are you doing for yourself? It sounds like you've devoting all your time and energy to him.
Is he taking advantage of your kind heart and love for him? You bet.
Do you really want that for you life - giving everything and getting nothing in return? Can you really go your whole life living like that and never get tired of it?
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