| A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hey all Recently I met up with a friend of mine who came to visit for the Xmas holidays. She told me about everything that had happened to her this past year and somewhere in that conversation I found out almost everyone I knew had already lost their virginity. Most of them lost it while I was still good friends with them. I'm don't go to school anymore, I work now, out of necessity. It just depresses me, partly because those good friends of mine were so young, one of them lost it when she was 14!! Anyway, my friend (the one I met up with recently) just told me about how her heart was broken recently. I've never done anything, I've never had sex, never even had a girlfriend. It's not the sex I want and I made this clear to my friend, I told her I'm not looking to have sex, I couldn't really care less about it and she was in disbelief or something that I had never had a huge urge to have sex. It really isn't that big of a deal, I just want a relationship. I mean, is it so wrong for me to just want to fall in love and have someone to say "I love you" to rather than have it immediately lead to sex. I guess I wouldn't know though, I've never actually been in a relationship. Everyone just makes it seem like in a relationship, you HAVE to have sex to have meaning. I guess I've never been in a relationship because for most of my school life I've only ever felt anything for this one girl who didn't see me as anything more than a classmate I guess. I did ask this one girl out and she told me she had to think about it but then she said no later than night over the internet. That sucked. Now I've got a job and even though I meet close to a thousand different people, I have to keep it on a strictly professional level. That and I'm pretty sure if anyone got to know me, they'd find that I'm just not a very appealing guy. Its not that I'm bad looking, I've been told I'm quite good looking. Its just me as a person. All the girls I see are into partying or getting drunk or getting high. That's just not me. Another thing is, I can be quite shallow, I don't do it on purpose, I just can't see dating someone I don't find attractive, but I'd be happy to have them as friends. I mean who knows I might change my mind about them, its happened before. It's like all the pretty girls are just into being sluts or getting wasted. What happened to all the intelligent ones who also like doing other stuff like talking for real, deep talks about things that actually matter rather than "hey can I text you a pic" right after we just started talking. It's sickening. I guess I just want advice on how to meet people whilst maintaining a job I work for 13 hours almost everyday. Or should I just wait until I get to uni? The thing is sometimes my heart is impatient. I see people everyday being in love, holding hands or just staring into each other's eyes and my heart is screaming out to me, asking me why I don't have someone I can do that with. Then I keep seeing these terrible boyfriends and they break their girlfriend's hearts so carelessly and I just watch knowing in my own soul that I would never intentionally hurt someone I love. How can I just find someone?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): well your situation sounds tough and I admire your take on relationships and how they don't need to always lead to sex right away. Sounds like you're pretty unlucky though. Maybe to you it seems like all the pretty girls are int getting drunk or high or sex but thats not true. There are tons of beautiful women that share your views. Finding them is tough and now may not be the best time to search since you work alot it seems. At whatever university you attend you will meet loads of new people and hopefully will find a girl that is compatible with you. For now just stay hopeful and wait since it seems you have alot of work. Don't change yourself to be with someone cuz from experience it may be fine at first but it drains you every day after time. Be yourself like you are right now and you'll find the right one. Hope this helps
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