A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am single and I like babysitting my nephews and nieces from time to time. But now I think my family are asking too much of me. I live alone and I work full time. Just because I am not married and don't have children does not mean I don't want children one day, because I do.And I know the children like me babysitting as I often get them saying things like please "can you baby sit us next time too?"Which brings me to a problem. I don't mind the baby sitting. I really love doing it. But I also have to balance it against some of my own interests and the fact that I work full time.One of my cousins wants to go on a holiday and attend a wedding overseas. Her mother (my Aunt) does not work and is in good health. There are other people in the family who don't work and are in good health. But they don't like looking after children like I do.Except I don't think I have to be dictated to on when I will and will not baby sit.My cousin wants me to move into her home and look after her five children aged from three to nine. She says it would be for three weeks. But in the past whenever I used to look after her children she would arrive back 24 hours late and it was so worrying that in the end I told her that she would have to find someone else. I have ended up missing a day's work because she was not back on time.I do not want to use my vacation time looking after her children for three weeks. Not knowing if she will leave enough for food and expenses money. She is always short of money but her new boyfriend is funding this trip.Now my family are calling me selfish for not being willing to look after her children for three weeks straight. I suggested that others share the load as it is too much for just me alone. So then I've been told I can do it as I have no responsibilities.My own mother is calling me selfish over this. My Aunt is being mean. And my cousin hurt me by saying in front of her children, to me " You Auntie does not want to look after you anymore"I like the children but I think they are a handful. This is really bothering me. I do not think I am being selfish. But what else can I say to all these barbs that I am the only fly in the ointment over this.Just because I am good at looking after children and like doing it does it also follow that I cannot say no to some babysitting if it is not convenient. Please help me out I am starting to feel like the whole family is ganging up against me on this one.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2012): my goodness, it is YOUR family who are the selfish ones!! And they are INCREDIBLY selfish, at that!!
they have no respect for your privacy or time. They treat you as if you are Cinderella and they are the step sisters that you need to be waiting on.
I have a feeling that this demand didn't come out of the blue. Probably for a long time you've been imposed upon to babysit and always agreed. Thus, you have gone along playing the role they want you to play, even at your own expense, so they come to expect this of you because they are SELFISH and now they are outraged that you no longer want or can play along.
In the end they have been manipulating and controlling you and USING you to their benefit. They are so inconsiderate of you. People who are less selfish would be grateful for all the help you have given and be only too happy to respect your time when you say you can't or don't want to do it this time. the fact that they turn on you after all you've done for them, shows how selfish they are.
You need to put your foot down and not go along with their demands anymore. Expect that there will be back lash and even more outrage, but you really must do this to stand up for yourself and start establishing new boundaries and insist that they be respected.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): So even before this request you'd said that you're not happy to babysit for her given previous problems. Regardless of that you've offered to do a share and now your family think you're the selfish one!Honestly I'd tell the lot of them to get stuffed! The children aren't your immediate family. It's down to their mother and father firstly and then to the children's grandparents to look after them. I wouldn't have a problem in offering to do a weekend to help out, but moving into someones house for three weeks to look after 5 young children is going above and beyond.Tell your family that given how unfairly you've been treated over this, you withdraw your offer to help and they can sort it out amongst themselves. When it's down to them to deal with it, you'll see how selfish they all are.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 November 2012):
 Just say no, and waste only the minimal amount of breath in explanations or justifications. Even a professional babysitter is entitled to choose if she wants to accept an assignement ( and I don't know ANY who would accept the huge responsibility of being the only caretaker of 5 kids between 3 and 9 for 3 whole weeks ... that's not babysitting, that's running a boarding school ! )- and , as for being selfish... tell all this good people that THEY can go babysit and show how generous and giving they are !
As for you not having particular obligations in your daily life... nonsense. The mother too was not obliged to take a three weeks vacation leaving a bunch of kids at home, vacations are optional and she does not HAVE to go.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (2 November 2012):
 Hi
So she even accepted the invitation before she even asked you,she assumed you would do it? You are not being selfish at all,absolutely not.
Why should you use your holidays to look after HER 5 children,so she can have a holiday?! She's the selfish one.She is also their mother, they are her responsibility not yours.Either she makes alternate arrangements or stays home,simple.And why 3 weeks, for a wedding?!
As for the rest of the family, stand your ground,your not in the wrong here.In time they will get over it so let them huff and puff about you till they get bored.Keep your distance until they are over it.I mean if none of them are prepared to do it it speaks volumes.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (2 November 2012):
 Tell your mother NO. Tell her if she cant accept that you dont want to give up your holidays to mind somebody elses children that is her problem. Tell her if she feels this is a deal breaker between the mother/daughter relationship you love her very much and are available when she changes her mind. Then walk.
As for your very capable aunt, tell her if she isn't capable of caring for her grandchildren her selfish daughter can either take them with her or decline the wedding invitation. You didnt impregnate her, the children are not your responsibility. Nor is it your responsibility to give up your holidays so that her daughter can travel overseas for three weeks. Not your problem.
Remind them you are more than happy to mind the children for short periods and actually enjoy it but on this occassion they ask too much. Tell your cousin if she is so determined to go away leaving her children behind she can give her boyfriend an extra session and maybe he will cough up for a professional child minder to have the children for the three weeks.
I am grumpy here on your behalf, this was my fourth attempt at answering your question. Be firm and don't let them boss you around.
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