A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am unsure on how to act around my bf or how he feels.He seems to lack interest in me. I do not know if I am doing something wrong, or if he just does not love me anymore???He claims he loves me and we have been serious for 3 yeara, we have never had a huge fight , just small arguments but they get solved on the spot. I forget about them the next day.The only time I was mad at him was when he did not get me anything for xmas 2 years ago. Not to be a spoiled brat, but he always had a nice gesture, even a card or we would go out to eat, that year nothing. He bought presents for ALL of his family and a couple of friends, I even went with him. He did not even get me a card. We did not speak for a week, but that was it. No other big fights, and we have been happy for 3 years. Lately he has become distant, we used to IM and text 24/7 and he now barely responds and says he prefers to talk to me instead of Im/text. Which I understand, but our busy schedules lead to little time for talking, so IM/text was our only method of communication.We had this talk where he said he was not going to pursue me anymore because he got tired of it. I had to be in a different country for 3 months and had very little internet access so we could not communicate, so he got used to us not talking.Now if I do not IM he wont IM/text. I do not call him to not seems clingy, but he does not call or does not insist fervently for me to call him like before. So I just let him IM me otext me to avoid clingyness. I tell him I am going out with my male friends and he just says "thats nice" He does not even know what classes I am taking on school, He does not pursue me sexually as before.I tried doing a little striptease with new sexy lingerie, and instead he started to tease me about how messy my room was... He used to trust em with access to all his emails, facebook and everything. He added a girl he used to date on Facebook, and then changed his password.He still insists on other things, like he insists on us traveling together and stuff, but he was very romantic and into detail, he used to celebrate our month anniversary and we would cook soemthing together, or go to eat... HE always made my bday, or Xmas a big celebration even if we just went to the beach to walk holding hands....This year he did not get me anything for my bday, and did not call. He just sent me an email. I would understand if he was pressed for money, but he is well off. He spends money on online games, or other hobbies and things for him. He did not even get me a flower, or a card. It is not even the item itself, its the thought. I've spoken to him, and told him that if he needs out of the relationship or has found someone else that I understand and I will be okay with it, but I do not want him to stay out of routine with me. He swears up and down he loves me, but does not much interest, only once on a blue moon now. How should I act with him?????I've hit the gym and lost more weight (I'm 5.5" - 132lb), picked up extra activities (language, photography classes...) I started to do my hair much more often, I do my makeup everyday now, I wear heels and nice dresses and skirts much more often, I am "flirtier" with him and sweeter, I do not fuss over small stuff... I did not even comment on him not getting me anything. I do not pursue him, or call I wait until he does.Sometimes I see a small spark of interest that lasts one night, than it fades..I'm trying to regain his interest, but I do not think he cares or that it is even worth it. Am I doing something wrong? Sometimes he seems super interested, but most of the time I seems like on of his friends...How should I act? What am I missing?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 November 2012):
 You are blaming yourself here when it is not your fault. He has got lazy and distracted in the relationship, no matter what you do or how much you try and dress up this behaviour will not change. You are making all the effort here and he just sits back. He is taking you for granted here. He doesn't bother with you at all, only when you contact him, he may say he loves you but his actions say something else. If this is the way you wanted to be treated then that's fine, but we both know it is not, therefore I guess you need to talk to him, tell him how you feel, give him one month to get his act together and start showing he cares for you or else you are out of the relationship and stick to this. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): Oh honey, he's got you chasin your tail. You haven't done anything wrong. You're just with a selfish twit, who also seems to be looking elsewhere. To add a girl then lock you out of his account is not trustworthy!! Get bloomin annoyed tell him he gets his act together. Starts paying you attention. Rems its your birthday or that's it and mean it. And gives u password for account if he doesn't I'd let him go. Take care sweetie don't let him use and abuse you, he's not worth it.
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