A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a same sex relationship, and we've been together for about 9 months. There's something about her that makes me crazy. I've never felt like this before (I can say that honestly). But for the most of our relationship, she's been incredibly mean. I literally kiss the ground she walks on, but it's apart she can't treat me the same way. She's constantly shoving in my face the fact that I've been with men in my high school days (I'm 22) so it's been awhile and I've tried to explain to her I just wanted to do what I thought was right. It didn't mean anything. It's gotten to the point where it's coming up every other day if not every day. If we watch a show on tv with a straight sex scene she gets mad at me, if she has a dream about me and a man, she gets mad at me. And it'll come up randomly. She becomes super uncaring and says really mean things when it does come up. She insists on knowing detales but then rubs it in my face. I feel like I can't do anything right anymore, and she only snaps out of it when I'm bawling or break down in some sort of way. I've been having insecurity problems and depression and the fights don't help at all. But every time I try to leave and show her she can't treat me like that I end up blowing up HER phone and begging for her to stay with me. I don't know what's wrong with me I've never had this problem before. I would feel heart broken if we broke up but I can't keep feeling like this and constantly feeling anxious waiting for the next fight. Someone please help me with some advice :(
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 June 2016):
 I think she is dealing with a type of jealousy called retroactive jealousy, if you look up one of our uncles's posts (he is called Yos and knows a LOT about it) you might recognize what's going on with her.
THIS is not something you can fix. You don't own a Tardis and can turn back time.
You apparently had a sort of "bi phase" before her and tried out guys. SO what? Are you with a guy now? No! Are you looking to replace her with a guy? No!
I would honestly give her the information on RJ and tell her:" read up on this and deal with it or... we are done. I can't change the past but I will not ALLOW you to continue to bully and verbally abuse me because YOU aren't happy I had male partners in the past."
You heart might feel broken if you break up, but that WILL mend. HER ways? Not certain they will change. Not certain she WANTS to change. I think she gets too much out of punishing you to quit doing it.
You DO need to put yourself first. Either she WANTS to be with you in a HEALTHY relationship or she doesn't. If she does SHE needs to find a way to deal with this, to either ACCEPT that you had a past, but you are with HER now... OR let you go.
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (12 June 2016):
Almost sounds like an abusive relationship, where you depend on her and she manipulates. Maybe you are just unhappy with the idea of not having someone to run to, but a part of growing up and being strong is the ability to stand on your own two feet.
You guys have these arguments and the cycle continues but you are just as much a part of the problem as she is. You allow her to treat you like this because in the end you come back to her and forgive her. Someone who does this will never be taken seriously. She likes you but she does not love you. And that is the pill which is hard to swallow because you will learn the hard way, you can not force someone to love you.
I used to be the same as her.
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