A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I m in my early 30s, and at this point of my life i m more than ready to start a family. I m doing a lot of dating, but most of the guys that i meet are not financially stable.I feel bad at times to base my choice on their financial situation, but i cant help it. I have my career going for quite a bit (i have my own small bussines). I am financialy not rich but very comfortable. I have a nice car, large enough townhouse to start raising a family, i travel all the time, go out, etc.Guys that i meet in their 30s,early 40s, but there is always something is going on with them. Either they are divorsed, in this case forget it, alimonies, debt and so on. But even if they never been married, its either he just lost his job, or his bussiness is not doing that great, or the stock market fell, or he still lives with his mother (believe it or not), or he went back to college, or...You get the picture.I can understand temporary condition, but i kind of loose respect and here goes physical attraction.Most of the guys that i date talk about money a lot, and its a big turn off for me.I dream of someone financially sound like myself, generous at the same time and also reasonable when it comes to spendings, whom i can trust, and with whom i wont be affraid to have a family and raise children.Is there a guy out there like this for me or no? Am i being realistic, or will it always be a fantazy?I dont want to get serios with someone who cant take care of himself, and whos problems i will have to solve
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): Male reader: i really cant understand what u said, sorry.
Yes, mishmash, to have a guy who is stable financially is a big deal for me, but it doesnt mean i need to listen to his financial troubles all night.
My expectations aren t really that high, im not looking for someone incredibly reach, all i need is someone who can manage his finances. I dont want to start life with someone who brings into the marriage debts, and behind it a certain personaly traits that come with not being able to support at least himself.
I m a woman, and i think its my responsibility to find a mate with whom i can have children. Yes, men who reached a certain age and didnt accomplish even that little as being financially sound concern me.
Thank u nouwelli23, it is a red flag for me, i think if all women were carefull whothey marry we would have less divorces and more happy stable families.
I am confident that if more couple thought realisticaly about their lives together, at least half of them would never get married in a first place.
I also would rather stay along than as u said with a 'looser'.
A
female
reader, Nouvelle32 +, writes (14 January 2011):
I disagree with the first two responses. Yes, no one is perfect, but there are things that you can live with and things that are deal breakers. It sounds like that you want someone who is financially stable and on your level financially and if they are not then that's your deal breaker. Personally, I don't believe in settling. Why would you? Marriage is a big step and love, chemistry, similar interests, similar views in life are the glue that will hold a marriage together. When you settle for a person who is less than what you want, you will end up being disappointed and divorced. In my personal opinion, I say stay single until the right one comes along. I am in your same situation... I had one who was perfect in a lot of areas, but a mess financially. I tried to help him, but he refused to allow me into that area of his life & we were talking marriage. And you know what everyone on here told me? They said, thank your lucky stars that you didn't marry him because this is a giant red flag. I am also in my thirties and disappointed in the dating scene, but ya know what?? I have come to the conclusion that I would rather stay single than to be with someone who is less than what I am looking for. If marriage and kids are not in the cards for me, I have to come to terms with that. But I tell you what, I refuse to settle for someone who doesn't make me happy. I can make myself happier than giving my heart to a loser.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): There is another option. Stop picking guys as high up on the sexual desirability scale.
Right now you would rather be dealing with a broke guy than a less attractive guy, which is arguably even more superficial than the money thing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): You said, "Most of the guys that i date talk about money a lot, and its a big turn off for me" but from reading your post I get the sense that money IS a big issue for you.You tend to fault men who have any financial liability (divorced, going back to school, or for whom the "stock market fell.") You described yourself exclusively in financial and material terms and what you own. Your description of the ideal man is also described in mostley monetary terms. It's not that it's wrong to be concerned with money, but if it is such a central issue for how you define yourself and potential mates, then it's no wonder you keep ending up on dates with boring guys who just talk about money. I think your expectaions are too narrow and your ideals art too high for you to be described as a realist. And I don't think you know what your "fantasy guy" is like because you haven't fully imagined him. People are complicated. Everyone has baggage and a history. Financial stability and success is not a genetic attribute and most people experience some sort of financial uncertainty at some point in their life.All relationships come with some sort of liability; financial and emotional. It is unrealistic to think otherwise.
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