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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have known my friend for 5 years and our friendship has grown over years. I have trust issues opening up to people who get close to me, thou I am bubbly and the life and sole of the party and get on with everyone. Most of the time I am perceived as the underdog amongst the group of female friends (as I am overweight and a different race) and when we are in the company of male attention I am most of the time overlooked by the opposite sex compared to the other girls, but now I have developed a great deal of self-confidence, that recently encountered a sexual relationship with my friend’s house mate. I am a private person and I tend not to make a show of things and when my friends found out they were shocked. My friends think this guy is hot and interesting and I know that they are aware that I like this guy, but don’t like to entertain it. I have seen my friends hook each other up with potential partners and I don’t seem to get the same support. They all live in the same house and I am left guessing what could be said over breakfast as no one has talked to me about what has been happening. I have been through a lot over the last couple of years and my friends have been there to take my mind of things, by going out and having a good time. Now that I am trying to enjoy life, I feel like my friends prefer me to be the underdog. Does anyone think that I have a point or that I am just a little paranoid if so where do I go from here?
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female
reader, frou frou  +, writes (30 July 2012):
 As you say yourself, "I am left guessing". It sounds as though you're concerned about what your friends are saying about the relationship, but you don't have any evidence to support what you're feeling - as you put it, "Am I just a little paranoid?".You seem somewhat confused about the situation. You've said that "I don't like to entertain (gossip)", but at the same time that you "don't get the same support". Could the two be related?You mention that you "are perceived as the underdog", but don't mention who is doing the perceiving. It sounds as though as well as others seeing you as the underdog, you have possibly also seen yourself as the underdog for some time. If you've managed to change this perception of yourself, you deserve a whole-hearted pat on the back. It's possible your friends are on the ball, but equally possible that it may take them a while to adjust to this change in you.You have several options. If what your friends are saying really concerns you, you could ask them straight out (in a cheery enough way) what's going on and explain that you feel they aren't being supportive.Really, however, the most important thing in this situation isn't your friends, it's you. You say you've developed "a great deal of self-confidence" and have been enjoying a relationship with someone you fancy - good for you! Obviously it's nice when our friends support our actions, but the most important thing to recognise is that you have come leaps and bounds and that's far more important than what your friends think or could be talking about over the breakfast table.Hope this helps!
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 July 2012):
 My guess here would be that they know you are quite a private person and you do not like to open up and talk about your personal life, therefore they might not want to interfere with this in case you do not agree with it. They might not be showing you support as they do not know how to go around it. I think you should talk to them about it so that they know where they stand with you. Explain to them that you would like there support on what is happening with this guy and open up to them. At the end of the day that is what friends are there for. So just be honest with them.
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