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female
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anonymous
writes:me and my fiance have been together for a year and a half. since we have been together we only have sex once every few weeks. im 23 and he is 29. its not through lack of trying. i try to initiate it most nights but he turns round and goes to sleep. it makes me feel embaressed and dosent exactly help my confidance. he says he was single for three years before me and therefore its the last thing on his mind. but hes told me before he had a healthy sex life with his ex's. he dosent seem to think he lasts long in bed. and tbh it really dosent bother me. at all. but it gets his down. is there anyway to help him last longer? to make him feel better about himself. no matter what i say it dosent make a differance.whenever i talk to him about how i feel it turns into an arguement. i just dont know what to do anymore. is it me? or is it because he dosent think he lasts long?thank you
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2012): I think it's unusual for a 29 yo man to want sex so infrequently. Maybe there is something physically wrong with him? Perhaps a visit to his doctor would be in order.
His stamina is a separate issue. Maybe once you sort out his lack of libido issue, you could try having sex twice in a row? Or he could masturbate before sex to last longer.
Best of luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2012): "it really doesn't bother me"
It would bother me were I in your shoes. And I'm positive it bothers you, otherwise you wouldn't be here asking for advice.
It seems like you've done all you can, you've asked him about, tried to talk to him and he's not willing to talk about it. It likely has nothing to with you. He might have been abused or molested. He might be gay. I'm not trying to scare you, but I am trying to get you to realize that you're likely not the cause of his issues.
I think you should ask yourself if you'd be happy in a sexless marriage. I would be miserable. I've dated someone with similar issues and although I admired him a lot, I couldn't handle his attitude toward sex. I definitely wouldn't even date someone who I wasn't confident was sexually attracted to me....why would you marry him?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 July 2012):
 He may have said to you he had a healthy physical relationship in the past and maybe he did. It could be that he may just feel that he does not last long with you and that it is getting him down. It really is hard to tell what exactly is going through his head. I can understand why talking about it would end in an argument as he probably might feel insecure and paranoid about it. When you do have sex, make sure that you express how much you enjoy it and compliment him, it might help with his ego. Try not to put to much pressure on him to perform, but for a couple that is so young and if you are wanting to spend the rest of your life with him, then I understand why this is a big problem and why you would be worried. There are things that can be done to help improve stamina but he may feel if you tell him this that you are not satisfied. There are mens health sites that you can visit for some tips though.
www.menshealth.com
thebestlist.menshealth.com
www.askmen.com
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