A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Now a month ago i split from a year long relationship and after a bit of a rocky ride things are settling down after he admitted he had lied a few times during the reltionship. Nothing major, just little things. Which i kinda knew, my instincts told me and this was the main reason we split.Anyway, my brother knew him before we dated, only briefly though. But in the last 3 months started working for him labouring. Since we have split, my brother has had nothing to say to me, we used to be close. Hes 11 yrs younger than me. When we split my ex shot off to Spain to stay at his folks and my brother had a slight go at me in txt because it meant he wasnt going to have any work for a while til he was back.I txt my brother when my ex eventually admitted lying and told my brother and said sorry i couldnt stay with someone i didnt trust because you need the work but ive got kids to think about bro. He didnt reply. Ive seen bro twice since, at my mums and hes been here to use my internet once. Both times hardly even looked at me. The ex is back and my bro has work again but i txt my bro yesterday to wish him happy birthday and he didnt bother replying. Then tonight he txt saying can i come over tomorrow and use the internet. Couple of weeks ago he txt asking me to lend him 10 pounds for electric, said sorry cant afford to.Now is it me being unreasonable, but i dont expect him to take sides, no way, but do you think its right a family member totally disregards you unless they want someothing? I havent replied to him about tomorrow but i am going to txt him back that we will be out. Does that sound petty? only, i refuse to feel used by my brother. I mean what is this???My mum says its all to do with money with my brother and nothing to do with loyalty to my ex because my brother doesnt really care about anyone but himself. Hes always been the same.God knows what my ex has been saying to him but my ex also tried getting my mum on side yesterday and even she said i am cottoning on what his game is now and im not having it, hes not welcome here.Am i being petty? When i tried mentioning to my bro that i dont expect him to be a go between he said hes not getting involved anyway. Which is fair enough. But to completely blank me unless he wants something is surely a bit mercenry? Or am i in the wrong?xxxxxxxx
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male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (30 July 2007):
If you had a stranger that treated you like Sh-t, What would you do? You wouldn't give him the time of day. Well neither would I. Even if it were my own brother, or sister, the same would apply. And he or she would in no way be any part of my life. God said we need to forgive others, but he didn't say that we need to take continual abuse. Have a sister who came to my wedding and tried to mess it up, Well I told her to get out of my life, and that was that. Haven't seen her or talked to her in well over 60,years. Do I miss her? Yes, Like I would miss a sore tooth. Perhaps, It's time to say goodbye to a useless member of your family, your brother. And get on with your life. He is someone who takes but never give anything in return.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007): I think your Mom is spot on. Your Brother sounds like a narcissist.
Most narcissist feel and believe they are better than anyone else and that they deserve recognition, special treatment, and they have a great sense of entitlement.
They find others bothersome in that they are bored with them easily and that they get offended if someone is stealing the limelight from them and will do whatever to put the attention back on them.
They think their feelings and thoughts are more important than others and get deeply hurt if they are not recognized as being smart, witty, attractive, talented and take offense when they are not appreciated.
They have short tempers. They will be cold and shut out those they feel are not giving them what they want or need as punishment.
They focus more on what they dont' have and not on what they do have.
Most their friendships have same base desires of fame, wealth, or sucess and they will exploit those they have in their lives.
They are in pursuit of a "perfect love" and often become bored, or tired of being with someone because they no longer serve a purpose-most their relationships are short lived.
They have a need to be looked at and admired and are exhibitionist.
They feelrage with little or objective cause.
The best way to deal with a narcissist is to not take things personally. His primary goal is to make him self feel good and not necessarily make you feel crappy.
The only time you are important to him is when he needs something. Confront him. Challenge him and threaten to end the relationship.
You dont' need to be sensitive to his needs, tell his straight out you are upset with him and why. keep it short and to the point. Don't back down, you do and he loses respect for you.
Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, DJ8433  +, writes (29 July 2007):
 You've tried to talk to him about it, but he's not willing to hear. The only thing you can do is be yourself. I too have a similar situation, but my sister sided with my x-wife. I contact my sister every now and again, but we don't really have much to say. She's still my sister, and maybe someday she's realize the truth instead of am alternate reality. If your brother can't come to some understanding, it's not your problem. You can only control yourself. Do what need to be done, and get on with life. If your brother doesn't contact you what will happen is natural, you will become distant. Nothing you can do about. If he tries to create problems for you or you try to create problems for him then you will drive a wedge between you. Let it go, and just be his sister, even if he's not being a brother.
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