A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Theres this married guy I know, I always catch him looking at me then looking down when I catch him. I always got the impression he would actively try and avoid sitting next to me but he always sat straight across from me so he could see me. But more recently he has started to sit next to me and nearly every time he will have his leg touching mine even when there is plenty of room. I know that sounds really high school but I am getting a wierd vibe from it. He also was walking next to me once and was bumping into my side constantly for about a minute, plenty of room not to again... another thing is we were sat on the sofa and reached his arm around the back of my neck touching it to tickle his nieces head who was on my other side. I just felt like he didn't need to do that? And he also has leant his elbow on my leg before to reach across for things.Reading what I've wrote it sounds silly but he has done a complete 180 in regards to being anywhere near me. I don't notice him sitting that close to touch with anyone else except his wife. Do you think I'm being paranoid or is he just flirting or is this a way of trying to make a move on me??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2017): That is a typical behavior of a man who is interested in you. The fact that he is married does not meany anything. Married men and women will do that kind of stuff when they are interested in someone else. So the question is, are you interested in him and do you like what he is doing?
A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (28 February 2017):
I think you've posted about this guy before.
He's your brother in law isn't he? (Your husband's brother)
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-husbands-brother-is-behaving-towards-me-in.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/does-this-married-man-fancy-me.html
If it's not you, then perhaps some of the answers in these threads will also be of help to you.
My apologies if I'm wrong, but very many posts of this type actually come from people who actually like and want the attention so be honest with yourself - do you have a crush on this guy? If you DO have a crush on him you could just be letting your imagination run away with you. When we crush on someone, we become very hyper-aware of them; we notice every little innocuous smile, glance, bump, and stutter. Our hearts leap and we wander if it "means" anything. So it COULD be nothing except wishful thinking.
If you DON'T have a crush on this guy and his behaviour is disturbing and unnerving you, don't tolerate his behaviour. Don't be alone with him and don't sit next to him. If he sits next to you - move. Find another chair or take a bathroom break or go and make everyone coffee.
You can also try challenging the behaviour
"Please don't walk so close. You keep bumping into me. It's like walking next to a bulldozer"
"Stop sitting so close - there's plenty of room so you don't have to press against me"
"Manners! If you can't reach something, ask someone to pass it to you. Don't just lean across"
If you've already tried this - have you discussed this with your husband? What kind of relationship does he have with his brother?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2017): Most men will try. But especially married men in unhappy marriages or married men in unhappy marriages who aren't getting enough sex.
It should not matter.
He is MARRIED. And OFF LIMITS.
It is always up to the woman not to let them past the gate. The gate stays closed.
Do not reciprocate. Do not encourage him. Shut him down by showing complete disinterest. And he should stop.
And if he doesn't, you will have to tell him to his face to get lost!
You don't want to go down that road. You will not come out the same person. You will lose so much more than you know. Including your own self respect and your sanity. It is never a bit of fun. It always turns out to be way more complicated than you ever expected. And more painful than you could ever imagine. The girl falls in love and the man, well, does not. And he stays married and he goes on while you try to pick up all the pieces of your shattered heart off the ground and start over. It is not something you ever recover from. And it never ends well.
Steer clear. Don't even go there.
Shut the guy down! He is a pig!
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A
male
reader, mis_2017  +, writes (27 February 2017):
nope, sounds clear that he is testing the water. if he tries this on you, you have to make it known that this is inappropriate.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 February 2017):
I think he is being inappropriate and testing your limits. So in a sense, I think he is grooming you to think this is all normal behavior when really? For a married man, it isn't.
If I were you I'd get up and move away if he sits next to you and so close he is practically rubbing on you. Or just move your chair (if possible) If he doesn't get those subtle hints, tell him that he makes YOU uncomfortable.
I wouldn't take this as a "compliment" or a "ah he likes you" I would take it as HE is not respecting MY boundaries.
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