A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I met this guy about 5 years ago. He was the sweetest. Well for the first time ever I felt myself being in love. He was the man of my dreams and even though I had a boyfriend and a kid, we still managed to hit it off. He was my secret lover for years until last year when I told him I don't wanna do it anymore because we could never actually be together since I want my child to grow up with both parents. He was still eager to do better by me but I insisted we should end it. Anyway after our last date in the park I happened to lost all contacts to him but no matter how I try I can't get him off my mind I fantasise about him during sex with my partner and I really want him back, but the only way to let him know this is to show up at his house. ] I don't know for sure. Should I show up at his house tell him how I feel? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 May 2016):
 I think the first thing that you should do is break up with your partner. I can understand why you want your child to grow up with both parents, but your child can still have two parents, you don't need to be together, you can still be good parents, share custody of your child and bring her up together without being romantically involved. It would be better for your child to grow up with two parents that are happy than a mother who ends up being resentful.
Once you are single yes go and tell this man that you love him and want him.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (2 May 2016):
 Oh Lord.
Sister, this is no good.
You hardly mention your boyfriend, it seems that you're really only with him out of obligation for your kid to have both parents. Do you love him? Are you attracted to him?
What you've been doing to your boyfriend is pretty terrible. You've been cheating on him for years, and I hear very little remorse for that.
The only time you should show up at this other guys house is AFTER you have broken up with the boyfriend you're already with. You say you want your child to grow up with both parents, and your child can - it is more important, and much healthier for him or her, to have two happy parents rather than a household full of lies, resentment and disloyalty.
If you are not into the father of your child, and you're in love with this other guy, your answer seems pretty clear to me. Stop this charade and either break up with your boyfriend or break it off with the other guy and focus on your family.
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