A
female
age
30-35,
*FM94
writes:Just trying to understand this situation here. I've been in an relationship for nearly 3 years now and I'm very happy. Looking for a house together soon so things are going well. The concerning thing is i've started having repetitive dreams about an ex' of mine.This ex' saved me from a violent relationship when I was 19 and he was so nice to me. I've never really understood him though because he always used to disappear out my life and then message me randomly weeks or sometimes months later.Me and my current boyfriend split up near Christmas and I saw this ex on a night out where I got really drunk and ended up having sex with him. I regretted it because I knew he had changed.Anyway I've seen my ex' for what he really is now which is a player who sleeps with any girl he can get. I would never want to be with him because I know it would never work... I could never trust him and he isn't the same person he was. I do feel like I still care about him but I don't know if that's because he saved me from a violent relationship? Anyway I keep dreaming about him and in these dreams we are together and he's the lovely person he used to be. But he isn't like that in real life. I cut contact with him because I pretty much told him he's vile the way he treats girls so we have nothing to do with each other now. Can anyone shed any light as to why he is coming in to my dreams so much lately? I feel bad because I wake up next to my current partner after I've had a dream about an ex! I love my current boyfriend hence why we got back together after Christmas instead of perusing something further with my ex.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2016): Babe, it's only a dream. Dream analysis may say a lot about what's going on in your mind. But you already know what's running in and out of your own head, so why get into analyzing a dream. Just ignore it. I read a book that described sausage flavored ice cream in my childhood and in my dream i tasted the same icecream which tasted disgusting it keeps recurring to me even today. Evrytime i get that dream, i wake up swearing never to eat icecream again. Lol. The first time i tasted cheesecake, at 13, I realised it's the same taste and till date i hate cheesecakes.
Try to stay mentally healthy in your current relationship and you will stop getting this dream!
A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (3 May 2016):
I agree with Chigirl dreams are usually symbolic or reflective of what's going on in your life right now rather than having any great laden meaning.
For example - I always dream about an ex when I've just broken up. Not the ex I've just broken up with but an ex I broke up with over 15 years ago!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 May 2016):
 The only part of your question that is relevant here is that you are in a relationship now, and looking for a house together. And that you are dreaming of the ex.
Dreams are symbolic, it is never about the actual people in it. So dreaming about an ex is NEVER about wanting to get back with an ex! Hence, whatever person he was, is irrelevant. He, as a person, isn't the one you are dreaming about.
You have these dreams because you are about to take a big step in your current relationship. You dream about your ex because the ex is a symbol of a failed relationship. You are worrying that your current relationship may fail as well, and this is a natural concern right now, considering that you are about to buy a house with him.
You're just worried that buying a house together will work out for the two of you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (3 May 2016):
The only part of your question that is relevant here is that you are in a relationship now, and looking for a house together. And that you are dreaming of the ex.
Dreams are symbolic, it is never about the actual people in it. So dreaming about an ex is NEVER about wanting to get back with an ex! Hence, whatever person he was, is irrelevant.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (3 May 2016):
 It's a sign that you are still thinking of your ex and entertaining the what ifs. Your dream only brought out your subconscious wishes. You just have to cut the cord with him. You can think of it as a symbolic thing. Actually when you think about a person a lot, you form a thread or some vortex energy that keeps you linked together.
My mom had some strange wisdom, that is, when people go through mysterious break ups or have to separate because they move, or parents' disapproval, the love remains forever or until the person snaps out of it. Like a cold case that you try to visit and solve the mystery time and time again. When you come to realize it, it's not really love, but a longing for something that's out of reach, or wanting something you can't have. We mistaken that as something of a high value, when in real life you know he's not good for you. You can't put too much credit on him showing you a bit of compassion from the beginning. My ex husband was known for noticing danger in public. He would save a girl whose shoe strings got caught in the elevator. He would help an old lady who fell and got a nose bleed. In real life he's a controlling narcissist and had a yelling problem. I had no wish to get back with him ever.
Giving humanity a helping hand does not usually translate to what a person does in a relationship. Any man could have done what your ex did. Even a bum can save a person from drowning in a river. He's suddenly hailed as a hero. Having a need to help people is not restricted to the kind, women respecting and consistent men. There is no correlation between helping you through bad times and being a good partner long term.
If you feel like you need to thank you ex for helping you, I think you already did by being yourself and recovering from the abusive relationship. You don't need to keep on taking him back as a way of thanking him.
When you are about to make life decisions forward you can't help but think about the past, and the steps that made you who you are today. Your dream has a cathartic purpose too. It's not meant to suggest that you and your ex should be together. Rather, it is to let go of that wish. If you are having recurrent dreams, think of it has a final release in your system. So you can finally move on and look forward to your future.
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