A
male
age
51-59,
*GPass
writes:Dear Cupid, I have benn married for 20 years, 2 great kids. I love my wife very much, but I want more when it comes to sex and foreplay. When it comes to iniating sex, it is always me who iniates, and I feel like when we do have sometype of sex, oral , etc, my wife just goes thru the the motions, and is not into it. I want so much more to the excitement for our sex lives. I love oral sex, and my wife I think just does becasue I like it. Right now she is under the mind set that we should have more intercourse , and oral sex not as much. Last week as we were getting hot, my wife said right up front, I'm not sucking you , wow what a blow. Also to mention in 20 years , I have nver asked her to let me cum in her mouth, boy that would be great. I do perform oral sex on her and love it, ad would do anything to make her happy. I guess I need more excited in the bedroom, more adventure from my wife , I try to tell he this and she thinks I do not show her any affection, but all I want is for her to be passionate about me, Boy wouldnt it be great for me to be driving and she gives me a handjob or blowjob,without me expecting it, Maybe I am asking too much or I am wrong for thinkng this way and wanting more attention and sex etc, please let me know thoughts
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blow-job, foreplay, hand-job, oral sex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2009): Well, I think you love your wife and just want to kick things up a notch. Just tell your wife this is a fantasy you would like someday, and leave it there for awhile.(don't keep bringing it up all the time) Women need time to accept something new. But we do want to please you when you make us feel safe and loved. p.s I still can't swallow. (41 yrs old)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): no i dont think so. i find it quite wonderful to that to a man whilst he is driving. i call it a runaway orgasm....dont ask me why its just a kooky thing i made up a while back....
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (14 September 2009):
 I am also going to look at the bigger picture.
Enhancing physical intimacy in a marriage is a wonderful idea at anytime. However there does need to be compromise from both of you.
Do not become too fixated on any particular area and ask for her feedback. You want "a" and she wants "b". Can you not agree that both would be fantastic? If I give you what you want, will you try to give me what I want and act as though you are enjoying it, too?
I have responded similarly in a previous post, so I am cutting and pasting what I think may be helpful to you here:
“Discussing sex with a partner can be a sensitive topic. I would encourage as much flattery as you can provide without sounding false. Make sure she understands that you enjoy sex with her, find her desirable and that you have a wonderful time with her.
“Not only should your conversation not sound accusatory, I would also recommend you avoid making her think this is a "big deal" that you've been thinking about a lot. Avoid saying something like, “Sit down honey – we need to talk.”
“Simply explain you enjoy the act (of receiving oral sex) and would like to know how to help her enjoy it more so you can have it more often, if not all the time.
“While you’re being open, brace yourself to hear things you may not like to hear, too. Starting this dialogue may open the door for her to talk about where she would like to see improvement on your end in this or another area and it may occur in a separate conversation.
“If this happens, you can lead by example. React to this information the way you want her to react to yours.
“I would also add in response to someone else’s post that this is not a "tit for tat" situation. You enjoy giving her oral sex, so if she doesn’t enjoy the act, she is actually giving more when she performs it on you.
“As an aside which does not need to be brought into the original conversation, oral sex can be supplemented with contrasting or complimentary hand manipulations or be the gentle teasing of certain parts of your genitalia. She does not need to bring you to orgasm for you to receive a “good time”. Orgasm can be achieved by intercourse after she's performed oral sex.
“If she does attempt to please you in this manner, you can reward her with a new act yourself, or something you may already do, but not as often. This would encourage her to continue giving you oral pleasure.
“As a couple you can very easily make your own massage oils. Using her favourite scent, you can massage her body, teasing her occasionally in her favourite sexual ways, while also working out some of her day-to-day tension in non-sexual ways. This would be my favourite reward for performing an act I don’t always enjoy.
“This is an excellent way to practice overcoming obstacles as a married unit. I would also recommend to all couples that mutual sexual enjoyment be an ongoing conversation throughout the relationship.”
Now, for your particular situation, I would remind you that your wife is perceptive to the idea of enhancing your sexual intimacy. Ask her to be more spontaneous and to show you she desires you with surprises. Surprises can be initiating sex or a dirty text message while you are at work.
Try to remember that for a woman, helping her with the dishes, making her dinner or inititating a date night or bringing her flowers can often be a wonderful act of foreplay. Stimulate her mind and her body will follow.
However, like you find her lack of enthusiasm for performing certain acts detracts from your enjoyment, if she thinks "Oh, he is taking me out for dinner so I will give him a blow job," it will be counter-productive to your cause.
Be good to her for the sake of being good to her, not for immediate sexual gain.
Ask her if she wants more sexual attention or more nurturing and loving attention. Encourage her input and remind her you do not want these discussions to drive you apart, but to bring you together.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Longterm +, writes (14 September 2009):
The other respondents are focusing on the casual fantasies you articulated. But in reading the entirety of your message, it sounds to me like you really just want more intimacy in your marriage. In that respect, no, I don't think it's too much to ask for your partner to make you feel special. I don't know how to solve this, either - I am having the same problem, myself. The usual advice for this kind of problem is making more time for each other, making sure your wife isn't too stressed out with household duties, getting away from the kids for a weekend/date night, that sort of thing. Give it a shot, none of that can make the problem worse.On the other hand, while you're working toward this, you have a responsibility to make sure you're meeting her needs. She has expressed a preference, and at least your wife is still interested in some kind of sex. Be thankful for that and use that as a place to start and build upon. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (13 September 2009):
 I'll have to agree with some of the other responders that a blow job while driving might be dangerous, both to the partners involved and others on the road. A very pretty young woman and coworker once offered such a service to me along a major Texas freeway, and I turned it down despite temptation.
Why? Well I know that I tend to close my eyes during ejaculation, which the gal promised to allow. That could be a major problem at the wheel while driving 50-60 miles per hour. It was safer to suggest a parking space off the highway.
Otherwise, providing you are giving good oral satisfaction to your wife, it is certainly okay to expect a treat for yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2009): oh goodness! sounds dangerous! i wouldntt... you wouldntt wantt to get in an accident.. strangely enough..my bf has asked me to do that...hmmm. must be a guy thing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2009): A blowjob while driving is a really bad idea. I don't think they are even nutty enough to do that for a porn film. Now a blowjob while parked in the driveway at midnight might be fun. However, it is only fun if both partners think it will be fun. While I think it is good for people to do things for their partners even if they don't particularly like it, I don't think that it is a good idea to make that the only thing that they do sexually. For instance, I think that men and women should do things like oral for their partner if it makes sex good for them. I have seen many answers where women tell the guy to give his partner oral so that she can orgasm, even if he doesn't like it. I agree with that, but I also think that it is only fair for the woman to do the same for her partner.Since you have never asked her to cum in her mouth, I assume that you like that as foreplay and then you follow-up with intercourse, or give her oral and then intercourse. I see no problem with that, as that is the way that my wife and I normally have sex. However, even though I like the oral a lot, it has never been greatly important to me. My wife is the only women I have dated who liked giving oral and I was happy with sex with those other women. My wife and I are the same in our thinking about sex. We both like giving and getting oral, but intercourse is what is the most important to us. That is what really makes us feel close. We can kiss, hold the other, nibble on her ear and other things during intercourse that makes oral just a bit less personal and a bit less personal.There are ways to spice up sex with just intercourse. There is sex in other rooms, outdoors (watch out for the misquotes), on the table, whatever. There are more positions than probably anyone has tried. Sex doesn't just have to be in the bedroom. My ex wife and I once did it in the front seat at the drive-in. There are also more ways of foreplay than oral. There are a lot of other parts than can be licked, kissed or nibbled on. There are also a lot of places to deposit semen besides her mouth or vagina, and I'm not talking anal. I have known women who like that. There are a lot of ways to spice up sex.It sounds like your wife is receptive to intercourse. That puts your sex life beyond what a lot of men or women have. Don't bug her so much about the oral that she just decides to give up on sex. I also talked about lack of desire in men and women in your other question, so I won't repeat it here.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2009): Oh, I am so glad I waited to respond to this as I wanted to say all those grow up, you have got to be kidding phrases.....and now I get to go fourth!
Seriously, you really are sounding terribly selfish here and frankly juvenile.
It really is about the emotional connection that you have with your wife. If she knows deep in her heart and mind that you love her but even more have compassion for her and appreciate her that will make sex more amazing for the both of you.
If you are just focused on tit for tat, what will she do for me kind of stuff, you are acting like two little kids in a sandbox fighting over the pail and shovel and kicking sand in each other's faces.
I don't know how to help you figure this out, because frankly you either get it or you don't. You are either grown up or you are not.
But you might try some gratitude for the things your wife does do for you in and out of the bedroom and show her how you care about her, and appreciate her. Have some compassion, don't blame her for your lack of creativity with sex.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (13 September 2009):
Your wife would become world famous around the internet, her name and photo would be in every 14 year old boy's inbox. Because you were distracted by her doing things to you, and didn't see the deer run out, and then when you braked hard, and the airbag deploys she bites your cock off as her neck snaps and she dies.
The newspaper report of the autopsy would be HILARIOUS for anyone that wasn't you or your immediate family.
You are a moron.
That is the most stupid thing I have ever heard.
"I wish my wife would risk her personal safety so I could get a bit of a thrill."
I bet you use your phone while your kids are in the car as well don't you? And have a few drinks before driving home?
If you want more spice in your love life then start giving more and maybe you will receive. But don't you dare do anything that could cause her or other people on the road harm. That is the most selfish thing I've ever heard.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2009): yes! you are expecting too much! Unexpectedly while driving?? Youve been married 20 years and she has been an active partner and shes not allowed to decline occasionally without hurting your feelings? It sounds like she prefers penetration, and has compromised to please you for 20 years yet you're mad because she didnt say it correctly and it ruined the mood for you?? Please!!! I answered your first post compassionately, but this one makes you look like a selfish spoiled brat. Grow up!
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