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female
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anonymous
writes:I am a stepmother who will be inheriting my husband Home instead of his adult child. I want responses on whether * am the evil stepmom everyone fears. Here is my story. My husband was a widower when we married,that was 14 years ago. His daughter rejected me from the beginning and has never been to our home in 14 years, though we occasionally meet at a restaurant { we are also not welcome in her home, she lives 2 miles away). She was very privileged and I tried to never hold it against her as her parents chose to raise her that way. When we married I understood the house would go to her and never pushed for any other way. My husband now has changed the deed for all to go to me. His reasons are how she treats him. After grandchildren born she hurt him by limiting access (no he is no abuser of any kind nor has she said he was). But beyond that he says she is now married her husbands income is twice outs, she was already given all monies from her mom (a lot) and if my husband dies first I lose 30% of our income and our taxes will quadruple , the only way to avoid this is by doing what he did and put me on the deed. She also has very rich relatives who occasionally give her huge amounts of money. But I know if he dies first she will make my life hell, anyway she can. If this happens the fact she is financially well off and I am not will not matter. Am I a monster? I am more concerned of her feeling bad then her not getting the money. She of course can use it but does not need it, am I wrong?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2018): I think you should encourage your husband to tell his daughter about this decision and the reasons behind it. Not because she is entitled to know or have a say in it, but because it is the right and kind thing to do. She should not be left to expect this home for many years only to find out after his passing and during her height of grief at that time. It is cruel to do that to anyone, even a spoiled princess. Also, if this was me, I would also try to encourage my husband to leave something to her. Even a small heirloom or nominal amount would show that he loves her and still cares about her. I think that would be a kindness to a child who just lost a parent. Let your husband know that you should not be left to deal with the fallout in the scenario that he pre-deceases you, so please please please, let her know his decisions on inheritance, even if it will make her mad in the short term.Best of luck.R
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI again want to thank everyone. I don’t hate my stepdaughter, I truly don’t understand her and her belief system. Her small children are taught to say ‘me’ when they want something...but I am sceptical to judge to much as her kids are immaculate, doted on and totally loved. I am skeptical to judge something I don’t understand and have to consider her world of wealth is not my background. She truly believes and makes it clear if my husband wants her time, she has to come first. The world she’s in is very tight in protecting her, although her self centered ness is lost on no one. My husband unlike her mother was from a middle working class like me, his late wife meant to instill in her what is instilled. She is Jewish and I am not and I see it’s a culture I don’t totally understand. Her marriage is quite solid and every decision they made well prepared for. So I can’t just judge her. But I do feel as long as were on the subject of the house, we have been together a long time, my husband supported her totally till marriage, and what was right for her to have as a child no longer is the case. Guess I am looking for moral support, I believe in Karma and I am no saint but if I can’t justify this in my mind it will cause a lot of anxiety. Thank you, so much
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2018): Being spiteful upon losing her father will offer your stepdaughter no solace or satisfaction. For all you know, your concerns may be unnecessary.
Maybe you're intimidated by her prestige and the fact she's married to an attorney. Mowing you down as a widow will not look good to the rest of the family, or her friends. You forget, she has an image to upkeep. She'd look pretty catty and parasitic to go after the home of a widow who just lost her husband. She might not even be married to her husband by that time. Not being liked by certain people shouldn't create such horrific scenarios in our mind about them. You can't live at peace thinking in such ways.
I think you really need to rest your mind and go about your life. Cross that bridge when you get to it.
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male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (15 January 2018):
This is your husband’s home to do with as he chooses he has chosen to put it in your name. He sounds like a good man and you sound like a good woman. I hope the two of you enjoy your house together for many more years.
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male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (15 January 2018):
You should have this house. Please, feel no guilt whatsoever. You've been with the man for 14 years while she has intentionally limited the time he can spend with her and see his grand kids during that time. Wow...how rude can one get!
My concern is that she goes to court over the house if you husband dies before you, especially as she likely thinks she can outlast you in paying attorney fees. You could run up a $5-thousand or $10-thousand attorney bill very quickly if there are any loopholes, such as improper signatures, lack of notary or witnesses to the deed, an old will that states otherwise, what's mentioned in any trusts, or any number of other things that she could take to court. Did you use an attorney in preparing and filing the documentation that puts you on the property's ownership? If not, it would be well worthwhile to pass everything by an attorney in order to make sure things work out for your benefit.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 January 2018):
 You sound like lovely and fair person. She sounds like she is spoilt and expects everything handed to her on a plate. For me if my dad died I would be devastated I would not care about his money or our home if it was not his wish to give it to me. So for now I think you should not worry about this as none of us know what the future holds for us. Just enjoy your life with your husband and don’t allow the future to stress you out.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2018): He can do something called a 'life promise'. I think that's what it's called. My partner did it with me. You inherit the house and it's yours to live in for the duration of your life. You can even sell it and move. But you have to answer to a legal representative who makes sure that you are making sensible decisions about the house as it will go to the children or child on your death and it's worth has to be taken care of as you are just a custodian of the house with an entitlement to live there.
If she knows it will be passed on to her when you die and that you have to look after it's worth, she may find this more agreeable and be more cooperative.
Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone. This is all transferred by house deed, the only will is a short one reiterating his wish for everything to go to me. And a statement that his not including her was not by accident. She is privileged, but this was how her parents wanted it. Very expensive private schools and a easy life. But in fairness to her, this is her world of wealth and her friends and relatives are still much richer. Their relationship was strained before I arrived, I understand her rejection of me.....she made it clear that those who do not put her first come last in her life. My husband loves her very much and Ithink her constant rejection of him opened the door to as he put it, do what he felt was truly the right thing to do with her being well off and a husband who is a new powerful attorney at a prestigious firm. Their future is bright. We do not have savings, the 125k which legally was left for him, he gave to her, as it was a mistake he received it. Even this column concerns me as her friends have tried what I write on forums before . I have never mentioned her name or mine, but have been blasted for sharing frustration over our bad relationship. Hopefully it won’t be her husband hassling me since it won’t cost him to hire an attorney. She very well expects this Home. After 5 years of marriage when all’s I was left was half of a record collection and a year to move she was furious then. No I will not give her the money, what I will do is leave money to her 2 kids. If I outlive my husband
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (14 January 2018):
 Your husband's reasons for doing what he has done sound very well thought-out and fair. IF he dies first, YOU will need the money more than his daughter will, regardless of their relationship. YOU will be alone, while his daughter will have her husband to look after her. As his spouse, he wants to take care of you from beyond the grave, and rightly so.
It sounds like, whether the daughter gets everything, anything or nothing from her father's estate, she will still be unpleasant to you. She has never approved of your relationship with her father and never will. Stop feeling guilty about her. She is an adult and has chosen to make her disapproval of you plain. Hopefully your husband will be around for a long while yet and this is not something you will need to deal with any time soon.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2018): She will be pissed-off, if that's the reaction he wants to provoke. I think before closing your eyes for the last time on earth, you should make peace with everyone.
You and your husband have the right to give your estates and assets to whomever you please. Many leave nothing to their heirs; and give everything to charity or someone they feel more deserving. Just because you share DNA doesn't make you entitled. Only next in line as a survivor; and by law, eligible to receive some share, if not all. There are also laws to allow heirs to contest a will; but an iron-clad will may take years and practically a fortune to undo.
Your will, matters of estate, and assets are private. Strictly between you, your spouse, and your attorney.
If he's doing this to upset her; then I guess that says a lot about his character.
Using a will or deed to manipulate or control how people behave is instigating trouble for you long after he's dead and buried. Spite from the grave isn't the best way to earn your way to heaven!
Well, you don't have to sign anything over to his daughter as a bribe to gain favor with her. She will gladly take everything; and still not give a hoot for you one way or the other. You're the widow, you deserve whatever your spouse leaves you. It's his choice and your right as his spouse.
If you and your husband are planning things properly; there should be property, life insurance policies,and debt-protection; so when he or you pass-on, you leave something for everyone. Spite-wills don't prove a thing for a carcass. He won't be around to enjoy her reaction; but you might!
I'd urge him to be more considerate and do whatever he can to have a better relationship with his daughter. Before he's dead.
Were they estranged before or after he married you? If she never liked her father, and doesn't like you; who cares whether she gets anything or not? She'll certainly have some idea why he left her nothing. Life continues. You can't argue with the dead!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 January 2018):
 As long as your husband is of sound mind when he writes his will, it is HIS choice who he leaves his money too.
She might not like it, but HE is the one making that choice. Not you.
I do think he SHOULD add to the will WHY she isn't getting the house or any money pertaining to it.
He can do so in a letter, signed and notarized.
It doesn't make you an "evil step mother" nor her evil for wanting her childhood home.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (14 January 2018):
 Nobody is a monster. Not you nor she.
It's difficult for children to accept their parents being with other people and not everyone can get on board with that. Your husband on the other hand is also allowed to choose another partner after the death of his wife. I'm guessing their relationship was strained before you guys got married hence the resentment from the daughter.
In any case, your husband can give the house to whoever he wants. Let's face it, one party is going to be unhappy- either you or the daughter. You know she's going to make your life miserable either way and she hasn't exactly been pleasant till date so why worry? And I suppose she also knows somewhere down the line that she's not getting the house because of the way her relationship with her father is.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (14 January 2018):
 You husband can include a paragraph in his will outlining the reasons for his decision, while it wont stop anybody contesting the will it will outline, in writing, how he came to make his decision .... which will have to be taken into account in any court.
I wish you well.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2018): You deserve this house as it is your house.You are married to the man after all.You are not a monster.The monster is the spoiled daughter.Her parents really failed her.Someday she will wake up and life will hit her right in the face.Have no guilt.The house was your husband's he paid for it not his daughter he gets to decide what to do with it.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (14 January 2018):
 Well, of course the daughter will feel bad, what do you expect ? Maybe SHE is the evil stepdaughter, maybe she is just a normal person with reasonable expectations about her position in the family and her role in her father's life and heart (... regardless if she was " nice " or " naughty " ) anyway yes, I suppose she will feel let down, disappointed, dismayed , you name it.
So what ? Would that bother you so much to induce you to refuse your inheritance and turn it over to her ? No way , right ?
So why even investing thought on that. OTH, this is not your fault, you have got nothing to do with it, and you will have to respect your husband's will as expressed in his latest deed. Maybe your husband does not believe in " unconditional love " , or in " blood is thicker than water "... but, anyway, even so he has the right to believe in whatever he wants and to distribute his properties accordingly , and there's nothing that you - or his daughter- can do about it.
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