A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 17 year old girl who is worried about my sexual orientation. obsessionally worried. and I really want help.So first of all let me lay down the basics, I have always only felt oriented to guys. Ever since I was as young as 2nd and 3rd grade, I deemed boys to be my "boyfriend" and always fantasized of kissing/touching/dating them. I am so attracted to them and feel drawn to them, I feel butterflies and nerves and extremely intense arousal and sexual attraction to them in my sexual/romantic fantasy life, in my waking life and in my dreams at night. I have always been obsessed with my wedding day and my prince charming and praying to God for the man who will sweep me off my feet. There really is no question there.But what I'm confused about is ever since I hit puberty, I've been aroused by both sexes but in different ways. When I masturbated I found womens bodies to be erotic and thats what I got off to. I feel that's because i understand a girl's physiology a little better than a boys, especially at that age. But the arousal I feel is just "down there". When I am aroused by a guy the feeling is so intense and undescribeable. Its this crazy all over rush; my body temperature rises, I cant control my breathing or the noises I make, I pulse down there and I feel like im losing control.Growing up, I had a worry in the back of my mind about my arousal for women. I always thought that it may or may not mean something about my sexual orientation. I mean, I was only 12 or so when this started, and of course I'd be confused about it. But luckily, it was just the arousal that made me feel confused. I didnt and still have absolutely no consious desire to be with a woman in any way. But still I worried. Alot of the time when "lesbian" themes came up in conversations, I got sensitive about it because I was worried about if my arousals made me gay.This has now come to the forefront, this worry, and it has been never ending for months. I can't be around my girl friends without feeling anxious and testing myself to see if I get "aroused" or not, I can't look at pretty girls anymore without freaking out, and I keep having to have the same discussions about sexuality over and over with my mom. It's gotten to the point where my parents laugh about it because based on everything I describe they think that this fear is getting rediculous.The main reason I'm scared is....is the fact that I got sensitive about the subject mean I was a lesbian all along, or is it normal to feel confusion about new feelings during puberty????? I am so scared that I wont get what I've been dreaming of my whole life and that I'll have to be a lesbian instead or that I'll turn gay :( please helpPlease help me :( All i want is my prince charming :( Can anyone relate???????
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (3 December 2010):
 1. Confusion is fairly normal
2. The female body is an intensely erotic visual object. Feeling turned on by it does not, by itself, indicate sexual orientation.
3. You do appear to be attracted to men. Thus, you are either straight or bi-sexual. Bi-curious may describe it best. A lot of people are, including me.
4. Prince Charmings exist in fairy tales. It's probably time to get practical and look for plain old Mr. Charming, nice guy who'll be a little goofy, sometimes silly, occassionaly stupid, but will love you. :)
A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (3 December 2010):
 People are not just "gay" or "straight". There's a whole scale from one to the other. You could just be bisexual, which is extremely common and normal. You are physically interested in women, but likewise physically AND mentally attracted to men. Your prince charming won't love you any less just because you agree with him that women are attractive. (This coming from a man that proposed to a bisexual girl not long ago.)
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A
male
reader, advisorX  +, writes (3 December 2010):
 I understand your situation, but you see youre only 17. things would still change as you get older. I have a friend and he's gay. Since childhood i have had witnessed how he was so interested in girls stuff like dolls and flowers. As we grew up i also noticed how he got attracted to men, and he really feel disgusted with women. Until now were still good friends and he even ask me for an advice regarding his relationship with his boyfriend.
The only one who knows you well is yourself, you have to observe your likes and dislikes, and also the things that would really make you happy. But according to you, you still want your prince charming so it indicates that youre a certified girl with a sexual fantasy for a girl. But dont worry because its normal for every person to have a fantasy. The reason its being called a fantasy is because its not real. And thinking about fantasy, well it has no limit.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): You are not at all gay. Women can admire other women for their beauty. It's completely normal. The female figure is so sexualized in contemporary culture, it's not unsurprising you find sight of it in certain instances erotic... the mind simply is trained to make certain connections based on what it has been used to seeing...
I can relate in that I was a "late" starter and never had a boyfriend growing up, when all my sisters and friends had been dating for as long as rememberable. I was Extremely touchy about being called a lesbian by my teasing sisters. Just because you seem a bit offended or even completely adamantly Against something, Does Not mean you are that thing. The movie "American Beauty" is not to be used as an end- all guide in these matters...
Straightly,
Tante Victoire
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