A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my sister are currently working overseas and at the same city. Recently, due to redundancy, she was terminated by her company so she had no choice but to send her kids back to our home country. This is making me depressed actually because I hate to see my niece and nephew go even though I don't live with them anymore. I used to live with them 2 yrs ago but since me and my sister always fight about money I decided to move out. I know how these kids would feel to be away from their mom so it is breaking my heart.Anyway, despite of how I feel, my sister is beginning to take advantage of me again. That's how i see it. You see, I moved out to live with my bf and since my boyfriend found a new place, he moved out but we are very much okay, we just realized living together is for married people. Now my sister is beginning to start sleeping at my house again and I don't have any excuse to say no.The thing is, my sister is asking to sleep at my place while she is renting 2 houses in 2 different cities is annoying me. It reminds me of how before she gave me an ultimatum to pay 10 months advance for the rented house that we share together saying that the house is in her name and if I don't pay her, that I should move out. This really offended me so I took the challenge and moved out I did. I was not convinced to give the money to her coz I found out from our landlord that the cheque she issued has bounced and so what happened to my payment? Not only that, but the fact that she has given me an ultimatum feels like I am not her sister even though the money she's asking me is 4 months before the actual start of the annual payment (why is she in a hurry?)When I moved out, she refused to visit my house for months even though I asked the kids to come visit me. And the nanny told me she overheard her saying to her friend that if I will have a problem, that I could never count on her on anything. I feel hurt coz she had 2 kids with different fathers and it was me and my siblings and our mom who helped her raise the kids when she had to go overseas to get a job. The kids call me their auntie-mama.Anyway, now, given the sad situation, I cannot control how I feel that I don't actually like her coming every now and then to sleep in my place. It reminds me of the past and it's not making me comfortable. Am I a bad sister? How should I control my emotion and correct it? Help me dear aunts, it's depressing me again.
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (7 July 2012):
Hi there. It does sound like she is taking advantage of you, from what you say.
If she is renting 2 other places, well then why does she need to sleep at your house?
And why rent 2 properties in the first place?
She is clearly not short of money is she? Or is she?
You need to say "No" to her, from now on and tell her exactly why.
And DON'T let her talk you around to lending her any more money - even if she turns on the tears! Or tries to make you feel guilty for saying "No" to her.
You are in no way obligated to lend her ANY money, just because she's your sister!
She can't just go on using you the way she does.
And just because she is your sister, is NO excuse either.
Even if you have to wipe her from your life, it could come to that.
DON'T fall for paying 10 months rent upfront.
It almost seems like the truth is she can't really handle her money and is in debt, and she is using paying rent in advance by you, as an excuse for you to lend her the money she owes to others.
And it may not be rent that she owes.
Or, if it is, she could be expecting you to pay for the rent on these other 2 properties, and just not telling you the truth about it.
It's NOT your responsibility to pay rent on her properties, if you are NOT living there!
The bouncing cheque is a real worry.
You gave her that money in good faith that she was paying the landlord for the rent owing.
This clearly was not the case.
So she got that money from you, and either maybe spent it on herself, and then wrote out a cheque without ever putting that money from you, into the bank.
So then of course, that cheque she wrote - bounced!
Or else she is in BIG debt, and used the money she told you was for the rent, and paid the other debt off instead.
So she's not very wise with money, is she?
And she is definitely NOT honest with you either.
She is not at all to be trusted, when it comes to money.
I would in NO WAY ever trust her - sister or no sister.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 July 2012):
 No you are not a bad sister at all. It is sad that your sister is in this financial situation, but she can not just expect you to pick up the pieces. I don't understand if she is renting two places then why does she not just stay at one of those places. I am sure she needs some support at the moment, and I am sure you are willing to support her as much as you can, but you cannot let her take advantage as well, not after the past. You need to talk to her and let her know how you feel. If she has no work at the moment and there is nothing keeping her over seas then surely her best bet is to move back to her children as I am sure they miss there mother very much. Talk to her and see how she is feeling.
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