A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone. the problem i have is about my girlfriend and me. we have alot in common but its like we completely have different humor and were usually silent when we walk home together. shes really shy about letting her feelings out but i know there cuz through emails and texts she tells me she loves me and i remember just once she said ¨I love you¨ back. it made me smile. Im like the exact opposite from her, i can be honest with my feelings but its hard for me to open up. Its like I need a true friend to help me progress through life, thats just how i am. ever since kindergarden i always wanted something that i never had and thats a true friend. by the way my girlfriend acts, shes not my vision of a true friend. now i just think all the time, am I being selfish or stupid that i need someone to help me progress through life? cuz if i have a true friend i can open up and be alot more motivated to move forward successfully because someone will be there to listen and understand
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell thank you i appreciate your answer alot and will take that to mind. well also i think its cause im depressed too. I always feel negitive about life and its surrenderings. When I look at someone happy i begin to think, what made them happy? will it make me happy too? everything ive gotten up until now was just me hiding behind a mask to cover up my want for a true friend, now I would do anything for a true friend. he/she would listen, understand, hang out and be there when i need him/her. It cant be bought but earned by returning the same affection to that person. the problem with my gf is that she doesnt take what i say seriously sometimes but were happy together when we joke around. And sometimes maybe once a month Ill cry because I feel the reason i have no true friend is cause Im not into what there into and what they do etc. I don't do drugs, drink, or smoke im clean and still a virgin, i feel like a loser cause i never followed the crowd, im just the boy who no one cared behind the crowd :(
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (12 March 2009):
 I think you are just confused about what you want. On one hand you want your girlfriend to be more loving and express her emotions more freely. But then on the other hand you want a close friend/true friend that will listen to you.
So you need to decide what you want here; a friend or a girlfriend? While your girlfriend should be your friend, she should also be a lot more. Love includes frienship but it also includes other things, like passion, trust, respect etc etc. Frienship is literally what it says on the tin; they are there for you and you are there for them - there is no love in a romantic sense here.
You cannot expect your girlfriend to become your best friend immediately (you dont say how long you have been together in your question). This is something that happens over time, as you slowly get to know everything about each other.
I think you need to decide what you want and have more realistic expectations from your girlfriend. You cannot expect her to be all things to you, you cannot get everything you need from one person. You also say that you need a true friend to help you progress through life but you have never found a true friend. So my question is, how have you made it this far in life if you claim that a true friend is so important to you? And how do you know you need one if you have never had one?
I think you have a lot to think about; it is possible you want something only because you think you need it, because you see other people with it therefore you think you want it.
If you love your girlfriend and are happy together then I think you need to stop all these high expecations that you have, and just enjoy being with her. If you want her to open up to you more, then you need to talk to her about it. Explain to her that you want her to express her feelings more as it will help you to open up to her more. You both need to work on this, try writing down how you feel if you find it hard to talk to each other. Maybe there is just a barrier between you two that will come down once you have both really talked about your relationship.
If she wants this to work and if she really loves you then she will try and do this for you.
I hope this helps!
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